"The Look"

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This may or may not be true in your case, but it is with mine. :/ Most people who've known me for a while don't give each other "the look" anymore, but acquaintances and people who have just met me almost always end up doing it.

If you don't know what I mean by "the look", let me elaborate. Let's say you said or did something awkward among a group of 3 or more people. Immediately after it happens, they look around at the other people in the group and exchange smirks awkwardly as if they don't know how to react. They look like they don't know whether to laugh, walk away, or continue the conversation.

Anyone else ever experience this? I hate it.

Happens to me, but really, could be worse.

When I was younger throughout my 20's I got it on a regular basis. My act is polished enough now so I don't get it. Or at least not in the same way. And I purposely act a little off key in new social settings right off from the start in a confident manner. Displaying confidence goes a long way. It takes a long time to hone this sort of thing. Weird, but a cool kind of weird.

Yes, it happens to me a lot, but I think in my case even those who have known me for quite a long time seem to still do it sometimes, looking amused, or they might be looking away from me and say something to simply dismiss what I have said in a rather unkind way to show that they can't be bothered to listen to me. That's why I usually don't even join other people's conversations.

Yes, I've seen this look from people at work to each other occasionally

It's highly ignorant and they seem to think you're unaware of it or if they realise you've caught them at it they smile in a slightly embarrassed way at you to try and cover it up

I've done it myself though concerning other people/situations so it's basically a human thing that most people do at some point or other when they don't agree with what someone is saying or aren't keen on the person

it's disrespectful but that's people for you I'm afraid

I tend to pick up on this look very quickly and factor it in when I deal with these people in future ie it means I wouldn't make any great effort with them as they have made it clear they don't really respect me

See it as a useful warning sign

I don't know if this happens or not, but I always think people are getting each other that look when I'm around. I even get self-conscious when I walk past two people that are chattering away and they suddenly stop abruptly as I pass, as if to stop talking and say ''wow, what the f**k just walked past us?'' But I know that isn't true. There could be a million reasons why they abruptly stopped talking as I passed (not literally a million but you know what I mean). I shouldn't be so sensitive and think everyone's intentions are centered around me because I am not a freak and I am most certainly not a stereotypical Autistic.

But I remember once at work when me and a friend of mine (a couple of years younger than me) were walking along the corridors and an older co-worker was walking with us but was in front. Then a man (who also works there) who I fancied walked by, and my friend knew I fancied him so we both grinned at each other, and then the person in front turned around to say something (unrelated to what we were grinning about), and I then felt worried after that because she might have thought we were smirking at something to do with her. She probably did see us grinning because it was quite obvious, and I felt bad ever since. So now when we laugh at something, I always try to make it obvious that we are laughing amongst ourselves, not at other people, because I just hate getting other people feeling self-conscious.

Sadly a lot of people (especially youngsters) don't considerate other people's feelings when they're grinning or giving each other the look, or even if they really are laughing at somebody personally. And then NTs are supposed to have empathy?

Yeah, no. They say we lack it, yet we just show it in a different, all-to-unconventional way. You kiddin` me? We act off from their standards, and they give this "look" thing. Just cause they're unsure, doesn't mean they have to hide it. If you ask me, they should just be straight and forward about what they feel. Like if they feel uncomfortable about something, they should just come out and say it. But......they won't, cause the "look" has practically been taught to them since they dawn of time and recorded history. Even if it's a load of BS, they won't admit it and if you try to make them, they give this "look". I've tried before, it doesn't work out. As they say "whatever makes you sleep at night", right? Oh, I typed that in sarcasm, since NT's are very self-centered if you ask me.

People did this in front of me a lot when I was younger. I see it as a "bonding" thing between some people: they're saying to one another "What he just did was dumb. We don't do that. We are more sophisticated than that and don't need to respect him. We can look down on him".

And yes, I've done it when I've felt I've been in a position of social "power". I'm not proud of it and try not to do it now.

I've noticed too that people will relate stories of someone's awkwardness, exaggerating the facts (or blantantly lying) to make the story funnier. This feels like part of the same thing - reassuring one another of their social status by pointing out the mistakes of others that they themselves wouldn't make.

I do it very seldom, like when this girl went crazy in Uni about how teaching of Evolution is killing the Black Race and how mixing the races is genocide. The whole class gave this look. It was so awkward and uncomfortable, none of us knew what to say or do, so we look at each other, hoping someone would have an answer. In the end she walks out and slams the door, so I guess she took care of her own problem.

Used to happen frequently before I gained a modicum of social skills.

I like to think I am more appropriate now, but I suppose I better still be on guard.

Was she Black herself?

(Was wondering which kinda nut she was- a white who hated blacks. Or a black afraid of assimilation by whites?)

Maybe.

The only times I can remember anyone smirking at each other about me is when I was a kid, and I learned that the exchange of a certain kind of smile (not sure it counts as a "smirk") was a tell that someone was trying to set me up to make fun of me -- but in those instances, the smirking generally preceded my saying or doing anything at all.

Otherwise I've seen people give each other looks that have something to do with me -- something I said/did or maybe didn't say/didn't do. The looks I'm thinking of go along with a variety of facial expressions .... Of these facial expressions, I can reliably identify the shocked ones, the definitely angry/offended ones, the confused/baffled/at-a-loss expressions (that I figure mean "Do you know what he means/what he's doing/what's going on with him/why he said that/do you know why he is/isn't [...]?") and the clearly amused/smiley expressions that mean I said/did something funny and I'm the only one that can't understand the humor. These kinds of looks (both the ones I can identify, and the ones I can't identify) don't usually bother me...they just puzzle me and I'm always curious about them. (Unless the looks are angry/offended -- in which case I feel awful for causing offense, and desperately wish I knew what I'd said wrong and how to fix it -- or shocked, in which case I desperately want to know what kind of shocked it is and what I've said to cause that reaction, because the shocked looks usually mean I've either said something inappropriate for the context without realizing it, or that I've used the wrong words to say something and have been badly misunderstood).

These days I try to ask people about whatever they're saying to each other with their eyes/faces, using whichever of the following generic questions I might happen to be able to call to mind at the time: "What?" "Did I say/do something wrong?" "Why is everyone all quiet all of a sudden?". Sometimes asking about their reactions is enough to show people who are uncertain about how to respond to me that I'm as confused and lost as they are, or that I don't know what I've done to offend or discomfit them, and some (though by no means all) people will explain what's behind the looks they've exchanged with each other.