How do I explain my aversion to telephone conversations?

Post Reply New Topic

I always thought the same. What I do when I know I must make a phone call using my cell. I use the 3.5mm jack earphones with both ears. This tends to cut off the external noise and I can think without external noises. But I end up hearing my self more and then speak softer, mumbling. Because the phone is now on the microphone in loudspeaker mode except for the earphones being plugged in, I still have to hold the phone close to my mouth. Then there is also the anxiety of the Electromagnetic, microwave emitting so close by and the phone heating up...

I also dislike normal handsets, even tho the sound quality is better, the microphone is a problem and I end up making my free hand in a cup which is then placed over my mouth where the microphone is so that the person on the remote side can stop complaining about not hearing me.

I used to hate talking on the phone, almost to the point of it being a phobia. But I got used to phones a bit more since I've had to sometimes answer calls at a dental office as part of my job. Now I'm ok with phone conversations so long as the call doesn't last much longer than a minute and is black and white, such as "I'll meet you there" or "Ok, I'll do that" etc. I refuse to have long phone conversations unless it's with family. I tend to pause a lot in conversation which can be awkward, and people who don't know me well sometimes have a hard time understanding my speech patterns over the phone. I have a hard time knowing what to talk about next, and don't necessarily know when it's my turn to talk.

For longer conversations, I prefer email, chat, or in person.

I fully concur with the above.

I hate using the phone socially. I'm fine at work answering calls when they are work-related but I usually procrastinate when I have to ring people and rehearse what I'm going to say in advance. My 'mobile' rarely leaves my house and is usually out of battery.

I don't know but I also hate them

I dislike using the phone because I'm hyperlexic- better at text and not very good at understanding speech.

OMG this thread has just made me literally shed tears of joy... you have no idea how many people cant' stand the fact that I don't like talking on the phone! I have a super-cheap cellphone, which I rarely answer EVER and I have a landline phone but I don't give out the number except to businesses and stuff. I really dislike talking on the phone. WOW, but reading this thread has made me feel so much more OK about it now!!

i dont prefer talking on phone either
because the conversation as to be continous
but i get stuck midway and dont know how to continue talking
i prefer texting or email etc
i dont have friends as of now
but if someone calls up i dont mind talking

Pretty much how I can explain it whenever I have to answer the phone out of the blue!

When I was a teenager I hated making phone calls. My mom would always ask me to call someone and ask a question and I would instead try to find the answer in an alternative way (the internet, like when a business opens or not)

I am waaaay better about using the phone but my family knows this much: they have to call me if they want to talk to me and it will be brief.

It has cost me a lot of friendships and potential relationships and also cost me professionally (a few jobs even) but I just abhor making outbound calls or answering the phone when I don't know who they are or why they are calling.

I am a master on the phone when I have to be, but I need a very long decompress if I put in an especially straining performance.

I explain my phone aversion and preference for text in a formulaic way:

phone -
"Hi xxx, this is yyy. How are you?
-Good, you?
"I'm great! hey, I was wondering, did you feed my dog this morning?"
-Yes I did.
"Oh great, thank you. Well I guess I will talk to you later!"
-OK BYE

text:
-did you feed the dog this AM?
-yes

Which would you rather do? I am a "cut to the chase" person (guilty of concrete thinking) and email/text is the best way to communicate with me, other than in person. I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE the phone SO MUCH!! !! !! !! !

I can't emphasize my hatred for the phone enough.

The proper term for this difficulty is auditory processing disorder. It's common in autistic people. You can also describe it as "auditory dyslexia" (a term which is also sometimes used, and since most people are familiar with the reading and writing type of dyslexia, this might help them understand what you mean). It may also help to explain that, when you are speaking face to face with someone, you have additional cues to help you understand them, such as lip reading, facial expressions and gestures, while over the phone you only have the auditory information, and so you struggle.

I have the same difficulties and have spent my life severely anxious about phonecalls. I had a job for a while which required me to make calls sometimes and I had to find sneaky ways to avoid them, or pretend to dial then pretend there was no answer. I felt bad about this but at the time I had no way of explaining why I couldn't do it. It was a relief to better understand it once I began learning about autism and its associated conditions. For the most part, I just don't answer the phone unless it's my mother, who knows not to keep me talking long.

However, I think it really helps to explain it to people so they don't think you are being rude or don't like them. People are usually very understanding when they know there is a health or disability issue behind your behaviour, whereas if they are just left to make assumptions they will usually think you are being unfriendly or difficult on purpose. Being honest can make a big difference to your relationships.

Also, it's interesting that a few others have mentioned EMF. I start to get a headache if I hold a mobile phone to my ear for more than a few minutes, on the side of the head where I am holding the phone. Few other electrical devices have this strong an effect and landline phones do nothing of the sort so I assume this must be something to do with the wireless signal it emits/receives. This is unrelated to the communication difficulties, but doesn't help my distaste for phones!

I didn't know this was so common. Is it an Aspie thing? I top up the minimum of £5 a month on my mobile and I still don't use all my free allowance.

I don't know why you don't like talking on the phone, but I can tell you why I don't like it.

If I can't see people when I am talking to them, I have two problems: 1) I cannot tell when it is my turn to talk and I often talk right over the other person in a very rude manner, and 2) I have a hard time understanding what people are saying if I can't see them. It's an auditory processing thing.

Because of these two things, talking on the phone is very laborious for me. It is not at all like having a regular conversation. I have to focus way too much. And half the time I get tired of asking people to repeat something, so I end up only understanding about 2/3 of what they said.

I've always had problems with phones and audio communications in general (such as skype/vetrillo/team speak). I had many problems with this when I first started working (at my local library), as answering the phone was a requirement, so was calling to collect on overdue books which rotated from person to person each month. I never did many of the overdues and tried to outsource them to my other coworkers or dodge them when my turn came around, but I am fairly good at answering the phone now as I have an internal "script" of what to say or react to just about any question/request.

As for at home, I still avoid phones and having to call people or businesses. I'd rather interact by forum/e-mail/instant message/text and to a lesser extent, in person, than use the telephone. I'm at my best when I have time to reply vs having to instantly react. There is also the freedom of choice to reply immediately or at all and have less implications than in person/on the phone.

This certainly makes sense. Perhaps this is also linked to my preference to techno/classical/instrumental music vs those with words... It seems counter to that statement though, that I often turn my earn toward a person to better understand what they're saying/asking for. If I'm looking into their face or at them in general I sometimes have to ask them multiple times due to distractions.

I don't mind the phone. Unless it's someone I usually have very interesting conversations with, I just call (or someone calls me), accomplish what needs to be accomplished with that person, and then end the conversation. I don't do the whole small talk thing, and people know that. I'm better on the phone because I can just go into a dark place and focus on what the other person is saying without any distractions, or look in one spot while talking.

I do interrupt a lot on the phone, but it's the same in person, and I don't really care.

Just try this. "With my calling plan texts are cheaper than voice calls, so when at all possible please text me. It's also much more convenient for me to be able to get back to you promptly rather than having to return a call later when I'm busy". You don't really owe anyone any explanation but if you feel the need to, then something simple and easily understood and acceptable.

Or "I have terrible trouble hearing on this phone, text me from now on please unless it's absolutely urgent".

Or even a very vague "This phone....." roll your eyes and shake your head a little like you have had it with some problem or other that the phone is causing "Just text me if at all possible ok? I'll get back to the voice calls as soon as I can but it might be a while"

Or, change your voice mail to say "This is name, you've reached my voice mail. I'll get back to returning calls at some point when I have a chance, but please text me instead and I'll get right back to you. Otherwise leave me a detailed message after the tone, and please leave your name and number. I'll return your call as soon as I can but it may be a while."