daydreamer84
Veteran
Joined: 8 Jul 2009
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,001
Location: My own little world
23 Apr 2013, 5:15 pm
1. Stimmy - Doesn't sit at the table with the others because he uncontrollably waves his hand a lot and sometimes inadvertently knocks the pot of soup onto the floor.
2. Creepy - Not the most popular dwarf, he makes Snow White nervous with his constant piercing stares, inappropriate language and frequent references to ogres no one sees but him.
3. Skepty - The skeptical one of the bunch, he doesn't believe anything anyone says. He walks with a limp because he didn't believe Stimmy when he was told a wild boar was right behind him.
4. Doc - Possessing a weak stomach, Doc was always the first one to faint at the sight of blood. "What kind of doc are you?" Snow White once asked. "I'm a theoretical physicist," he answered, "not a surgeon!"
5. Sad Sack - Generally depressed, Sad Sack sleeps most of the day. This makes the others angry because he doesn't complete his chores and spends his waking hours asking himself, "why me?"
6. Smarty - This dwarf thinks he knows everything. He once tried to outsmart a wolf by telling it that it suffered from persecutory delusion. The twenty stitches Smarty received on his behind took months to heal.
7. Windy - So called because his answers to simple questions often turn into lengthy, long-winded explanations that sometimes fail to address the original question.
23 Apr 2013, 9:17 pm
An Aspie walks into a mortuary. A well-dressed woman with a soft voice asks him, "May I help you, sir?"
"A shot of your best Scotch Whisky! Make it a double!" he says.
Startled, the woman tells him, "I'm sorry, sir, but this is a mortuary - a funeral home. We only sell caskets."
"In that case, dear lady", he drawls, "I'll have a bier!"
whirlingmind
Veteran
Joined: 25 Oct 2007
Age: 57
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,130
Location: 3rd rock from the sun
23 Apr 2013, 9:45 pm
Three Aspies walk into a bar...and walk straight back out again.
Three Aspies walk into a bar...thinking it was the library.
Three Aspies walk into a bar...because they were blinded by the sunlight, having optical sensory issues, the bar was part of the scaffolding.
Three Aspies walk into a bar...just to see what one was like.
Three Aspies walk into a bar...having heard it was a great place "to meet friends".
Three Aspies walk into a bar...look at the glasses and ask the barman if he is aware that "There are many different types of glass with different chemical and physical properties. Each can be made by a suitable adjustment to chemical compositions, but the main types of glass are:
Borosilicate Glass
Commercial Glass
Glass Fibre
Lead Glass
Glasses may be devised to meet almost any imaginable requirement. For many specialised applications in chemistry, pharmacy, the electrical and electronics industries, optics, the construction and lighting industries, glass, or the comparatively new family of materials known as glass ceramics, may be the only practical material for the engineer to use.
Types of special glass include:
Alkali-barium Silicate Glass
Aluminosilicate Glass
Glass Ceramics
Optical Glass
Sealing Glass
Technical Glass
Vitreous Silica"
23 Apr 2013, 11:53 pm
1) Three aspies walk into a bar.... obviously must be in an alternative universe.
2) An Aspie walks into a bar.
The bartender: Can I get you something to drink? - "Is that not the sole purpose of this and similar establishments? Hardly seems necessary to ask. "
3) An aspie walks out of a bar, - it was not the place for him.
I'm so funny!These cracked me up.
24 Apr 2013, 11:05 am
24 Apr 2013, 11:07 am
24 Apr 2013, 11:09 am
24 Apr 2013, 3:20 pm
24 Apr 2013, 4:06 pm
Saw a recipe of that via the Doctor Who-page on Facebook
http://www.bbcamerica.com/doctor-who/ex ... ewdrivers/
24 Apr 2013, 7:31 pm
24 Apr 2013, 10:27 pm
This is literally and totally completely me at Starbuck's. If I also make eye contact and give a nod of recognition to someone I may have met before, I spend the next several days feeling as though I am at last at one with the world.
On the other hand, if I feel as though I have been shunned by someone there, then I spend the next several days feeling completely alone in this world.
So... to avoid the emotional roller-coaster I don't go to the coffee shop much anymore
Webalina
Veteran
Joined: 27 Jul 2012
Age: 64
Gender: Female
Posts: 787
Location: Piney Woods of East Texas
24 Apr 2013, 10:59 pm
Aspie: Ow! What idiot decided to put a bar in the middle of a walkway? Now I've dropped my book and lost my place!
I love this! Sounds like a reference to me....
25 Apr 2013, 4:22 am
25 Apr 2013, 4:33 am
whirlingmind
Veteran
Joined: 25 Oct 2007
Age: 57
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,130
Location: 3rd rock from the sun
25 Apr 2013, 7:32 am
25 Apr 2013, 9:44 am
NT: Knock, knock.
Aspie: Why are you saying that?
NT: It's the beginning of a joke, Roger. You're supposed to say, "who's there?"
Aspie: But I know who you are. You're my friend Simon and you gave me a lift down here.
NY: Yes, but I'm trying to tell a joke. It requires some back and forth from me and you.
Aspie: You need me to tell your joke back to you?
NT: No. I need you to just play along with me till I get to the punch line.
Aspie: So what do you want me to do?
NT: When I say "knock, knock" you ask "who's there?" Understand?
Aspie: Okay.
NT: Knock, knock.
Aspie: Who's there?
NT: Iona.
Aspie: Your name is Simon.
NT: I know, Roger. When I say "Iona" you're supposed to ask "Iona who?"
Aspie: I am? That doesn't make sense. I've known you since high school.
NT: It's part of the joke. Can't you just humor me?
Aspie: Humor you? Aren't you the one who's telling the joke?
NT: Oh, my goodness! You're giving me a stroke! Can't you just play along?
Aspie: Alright! Geez, for someone who's supposed to be telling a joke you don't seem all that funny.
NT: Okay. Can we start again? No interruptions?
Aspie: Sure.
NT: Knock, knock.
Aspie: Who's there?
NT: Iona.
Aspie: Iona who?
NT: I own a brand new car. You wanna ride?
Aspie: Your car's not new. It's a fifteen year old Chevy Malibu with a dent on the hood.
NT: Have a nice bus ride back home.
awesome!
A person with bipolar, a schizophrenic person, and a person on the spectrum are sitting around a camp fire, talking about their communities. The person with bipolar, showing off, brings out a masterpiece painting, and throws it into the fire, saying, "We have so many great artists in the bipolar community, this piece won't be missed". The schizophrenic person, not to be outdone, takes a new composition on sheet music and throws it into the fire, saying "There are so many great musicians in the schizophrenic community, it won't be missed". The autistic, not to be outdone, disappears into the woods for a few hours, comes back, and throws a vaccine conspiracy theorist into the fire.
Two aspies walk into a bar.
No... no they didn't.
What did the aspie say to his cutest co-worker?
Nothing... nothing at all.
Q.How can you tell if someone with Asperger's is trying to charm you?
A. They begin the conversation with "Did you know" rather than "You're wrong"
(these jokes were on reddit by the way)
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