Someone was in my bedroom today while I was at therapy.

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OK, that makes sense.

Speaking as someone who has experience nagging people, my guess is their thought process was something like this:

'I've told Verdandi several times to bring that plate out and wash it. I know she doesn't like people going in her room, but it's clear she's not going to clean the plate, so I'd better do it. If she doesn't want me going in her room, she shouldn't leave plates there.'

To me, that seems pretty reasonable.

Someone broke into my home several years ago. I had a lock on my bedroom door, but they used a knife to chip away at the corner of the door and then used the knife to push the latch and get into my bedroom. They opened up all of the drawers and threw everything on the floor.

It really scared me, and for a month, every night I slept next to the door.

I got a new door with a higher-quality lock and a door reinforcer on it, and a heavy duty strike plate. At least I'm reasonably sure that an intruder would have to kick the door in to get in.

That is really frustrating, and just because you didn't bring the plate out to wash yet doesn't mean they can go and take it out of your room. It's still your room.

It wasn't like that, and the understanding we have (had, anyway) is my room is private. It's my space and my space alone.

This is it. Having people in my room completely freaks me out. I don't feel safe leaving the house now, because god knows who'll decide they get to come in here and root through my stuff. I don't need to deal with the panic attacks that will ensue because I won't know what's happening while I'm gone.

The way out was worded sounds like a burglary, I assumed that you had your own place etc.. Well if it was family I would ask questions before you melt down later over it. I call it preventative maintenance. It sounds like you have a drug addict in the family if it were pills that were taken. Your only option is to investigate, or forget about it. I had a melt down when my sister moved something in my room ONCE I about hurt her . So keep in mind the potential of the situation if you do NOTHING.

No pills were taken. The pills were probably knocked over accidentally. I suspect if someone were stealing pills they would have made an effort to hide the fact that the pills were disturbed.

The potential of the situation if I do nothing is a degeneration of my mental health. The potential if I do something is also a degeneration of my mental health. Maybe I should just give up now and have myself committed somewhere.

Also, I really do try to be as explicit as possible. I don't always succeed (this post is not a sterling example). However, if I thought it had been a burglary, I would have said so. I just didn't think about the fact that not everyone knows I live with my family or that I wasn't talking about a burglary.

oh ok, I.understand now. I do the same thing too friend. Just go to who ever you can trust, and say "was somebody searching for something in my room?" OR you can leave a note for them to read explaining how you feel,or simple words of concern. Or let it all out here I know exactly how you feel. It will smooth over, I guarantee it.

I'll wait and see. I'm kind of a wreck right now.

Thanks.

Any chance it was someone visiting? Could there have been kids there who were roughhousing? Even a dog maybe? I'd get a locking doorknob myself. They're easy to install.

I hate to tell you this, but most people like to go poking around in others rooms when they're not there. I lived in a house where I know a couple of owner's late teens early twenty's kids and their friends went through my stuff when I was gone. Even my brother went through my closet with a friend once at this same house.

A child could have opened the door, but the rest of the stuff I think an adult did.



Ugh, many sympathies. Having that happen would drive me nuts.

Unless it already has. I'll try not to think about that possibility to much.

I lock my door on my personal space even when I am in it. If someone knocks, I block the doorway. This includes my mother. I don't let anyone in but my kids and even then sometimes I don't entirely like it if they go through my stuff. But they don't tend to do that as they respect my boundaries as I do theirs.

This makes my mother nuts and she has made comments on when her and my uncle can come in for a coffee.. er... say what? Never.

I can't explain why I don't want someone in my personal space. But I don't.

So you have my complete sympathy. I would be buying a two sided key bold lock and remove my door knob. When you unlock it from the inside the key acts like a handle opening the door. Exiting, lock the door. Bolt locks don't have that cheesy stick type "pick the lock" from outside hole in it. Or even a normal twist bolt lock in place of the door knob... I just happen to like the two sided key kind.. feels most safe to me.

Hope you feel better soon. Don't let it get you down - take action instead

Yeah, a lock is in my near future.

I used to block my bedroom door when I slept, but I fell out of the habit. Probably good for my peace of mind to start doing it again.

I've gone through phases where I've done that, despite having double locks. I've barricaded my living room door and my bedroom door simultaneously. Do whatever it takes to give yourself as much peace of mind as possible.

ACK!! !!

One of my less charming personality traits is I'm extremely territorial. It's one of the reasons I can't abide living with other people.

When people touch my things without my permission, it makes me feel snappish and ooky (I coin my own words to describe my emotional states). I've noticed that some folks have absolutely no compunctions about putting their dirty little hands all over other people's property. To combat this, I used to decorate my bedroom walls with pictures of women in various states of undress; you'd be surprised how well that works to deter unwanted guests. I'm sure that's probably not a course of action you wish to pursue, but I just thought I'd mention it.

Anyway, you have my commiserations.

Verdandi,

This is definitely an autistic thing - I've noticed that many autistic people are extremely protective of their personal space, and often view it as an extension of ourselves. I think this may be because the world outside that space is vast and confusing and overwhelming, but our space is reassuring because we have full control over it and know where everything is. If someone else enters that space and messes with it (or we perceive that they might have), that causes panic because of the perceived loss of control and invasion of privacy - it's almost like someone going into our heads and poking around. Maybe this will help you to understand your emotional reaction?

However, I think you are probably experiencing this very differently to the way your relative experienced it and the responses you have received are reflective of the way your post was worded. This will be particularly the case with neurotypical people who were raised in a home where people went in and out of one another's rooms all the time - it will be hard for them to understand the extent to which someone autistic could be protective of their personal space. While your relative probably understands that you don't want people to go into your room, to the average neurotypical this would be interpreted as, "I do not want anyone to go into my room without a reason". Your relative was probably thinking "I'm doing the dishes and I need that dirty plate from Verdandi's room, so I'll fetch it." To them, needing the plate to do the dishes is a perfectly legitimate reason to go into your room, and they would probably be very surprised to learn that you would not want anyone to go into your room even if they needed something which was inside it. To the average NT person this would appear to be excessive and irrational behaviour. Therefore, unless you have other evidence to think they would want to snoop in your room, please don't be upset with your relative - they just don't understand the extent of your feelings about it. I believe the fact that the other posters here are all horrified by this idea too is reflective of the fact that we are all autistic!

You are probably nervous about bringing it up because you are thinking that that would involve confrontation. Change the way you are approaching it - just be polite and express gratitude about them accommodating you, and you can make it something positive which can improve their understanding of you. You could say gently, "I noticed you went into my room for something the other day. I know it might seem weird or silly to you, but it upsets me when other people go into my personal space, so would you mind only doing that when I'm home? I'd really appreciate it. Thank you." If they know you are autistic explain that this is part of your autism. Also, you should be aware that a NT would read certain things into you putting a lock on your door yourself without saying anything, and they would be bad things! So if you want to do that, I suggest that you ask if it's OK for you to do that with the above as an explanation. This will make them feel involved (especially since it's not your house) and that you are not doing it because you are blaming them for something or being defensive but just to reassure yourself.

Sorry for the long post, but I completely understand where you are coming from because I have experienced similar. Hope it helps you.