16 Mar 2013, 9:10 am
I am like this. I was strongly AS as a child, but i aggressively forced myself to be NT, because i hated myself and wanted to improve my life. I was severely geeky, anti-social, reclusive, no friends, i was always engrossed in my books and my imagination. By the time i entered high school, being different caused me so much stress and self-hatred, i wanted to totally rebuild myself. It was a very painful process over several years, but i succeeded to be strongly NT. However the true result was AS was not erased, just covered up by NT.
I am happy to have a strong outgoing NT side, because i can meet so many people, have many friendships, wonderful adventures and excellent experiences. I appreciate the AS side too because it definitely makes me colorful, unique and very interesting to others. But that same AS side eventually ruins things. For example, i have made met so many people, had many friendships, but i still do not have any friends, because something they do irritates me, so i hate them and reject them. Regarding groups, jobs and organizations, i can easily enter, be accepted and make a great start, but i eventually notice their imperfections, feel very irritated, and want to leave.
If you are both, how do you balance between AS and NT, because i always have wild swings between two strong AS and NT extremes, and it definitely causes problems. I want to control this.
Man, I feel as if I could have written this post, OP. I'm currently going through that dilemma...it's kinda scary, actually >__< The only solution I have is to make sure when you're hanging around a good balance of AS and NT people, but even that gets difficult after a while
21 Mar 2013, 3:43 am
I am like this. I was strongly AS as a child, but i aggressively forced myself to be NT, because i hated myself and wanted to improve my life. I was severely geeky, anti-social, reclusive, no friends, i was always engrossed in my books and my imagination. By the time i entered high school, being different caused me so much stress and self-hatred, i wanted to totally rebuild myself. It was a very painful process over several years, but i succeeded to be strongly NT. However the true result was AS was not erased, just covered up by NT.
I am happy to have a strong outgoing NT side, because i can meet so many people, have many friendships, wonderful adventures and excellent experiences. I appreciate the AS side too because it definitely makes me colorful, unique and very interesting to others. But that same AS side eventually ruins things. For example, i have made met so many people, had many friendships, but i still do not have any friends, because something they do irritates me, so i hate them and reject them. Regarding groups, jobs and organizations, i can easily enter, be accepted and make a great start, but i eventually notice their imperfections, feel very irritated, and want to leave.
If you are both, how do you balance between AS and NT, because i always have wild swings between two strong AS and NT extremes, and it definitely causes problems. I want to control this.
Man, I feel as if I could have written this post, OP. I'm currently going through that dilemma...it's kinda scary, actually >__< The only solution I have is to make sure when you're hanging around a good balance of AS and NT people, but even that gets difficult after a while
all things (pros & cons) considered, i am glad i have the "other side" there as well.. if i was only on one side constantly, i think i would have it worse than now, because i would have less options.. i think it is good that we have that other personality alternative, instead of being same all the time.. yes the balancing act is tough, sometimes things come crashing down, despite your best efforts.. what we need to do is get back up faster each time.. its about endurance imho.
21 Mar 2013, 11:05 am
Neurotypical barriers don't apply to me, so sometumes I can be quite outgoing too (for example, asking complete strangers for directions when most NTs would never dream of doing so).
I guess there are basically two versions of me, the old one is pretty much dead but he lives on in my memories and thoughts. Because of one-and-a-half decades of rejection by my peers and isolation from the wider world, I'm learning to put on an NT-like facade, which actually feels pretty good to me. It's been a long, hard road, but I think I'm about 50% to 75% there. I made a lot of progress last year, my last year of high school (it took four years of observation to figure out how to socialise with teenagers normally).
Strangers, as a rule, still scare the crap out of me, because sometimes I find myself assuming the worst. The really annoying thing is that I keep getting called gay by strangers. 
I know there's nothing wrong if you are gay, but I want to be with a woman one day and I don't want society getting the wrong idea. It's like I can't pull off the 'straight young male' act correctly.
21 Mar 2013, 11:15 am
21 Mar 2013, 11:19 am
Before I'd alternate between thinking I have AS and thinking I don't. Now I sort of accept it but don't think about it so much.
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03 Apr 2013, 3:41 pm
03 Apr 2013, 3:53 pm
03 Apr 2013, 6:34 pm
03 Apr 2013, 6:59 pm
03 Apr 2013, 7:17 pm
28 Apr 2013, 9:53 am
28 Apr 2013, 10:15 am
28 Apr 2013, 10:38 am
Spectrum disorders are neurological, therefore you aren't typical.
I think he's not referring only to the neurological condition, but to some kind of adaptative learning.
When you behave in some way for years, at the end in becomes a part of you. And be aware that you live in a NT world since you're very child. You learn to behave as a NT from you early ages on.
For example, if you live in Germany since you're a kid, it's likely you'll grow up having psychological traits that are closer to German character. And being german is not, as long as I know, a neurological condition. (though some people probably woud disagree
)
28 Apr 2013, 1:13 pm
For 15 minutes or so at a time, I am able to pull out of my " toolbox " my NT-like conversation ability. For example, I recently stayed two days at a bed and breakfast where the owners were extremely friendly and talkative. My first reaction to this situation was, 
- "I paid for this and should not have to comply with social nicety c---." But here is where copying and chameleon behavior helps: I pretended to be like normal people and play-acted a version of myself. My partner who was there with me said I did well, and that it seemed like the owners liked talking with me. It has taken me years to develop this, by the way. After, I need to get away and have quiet time, but I feel good about performing for a few minutes. Only do this if the people seem really kind and non-threatening to me. I would say a lot more here, but I'm typing with one hand due to this ---- broken arm.
29 Apr 2013, 8:01 pm
29 Apr 2013, 8:01 pm
