Ever feel invisible?

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I wasn't sure if this was just me or not so thought I'd ask.

I often feel like I am invisible to other people. When I walk to the bus, there are always people walking towards me on the pavement but they never move out of the way, forcing me to squeeze past them or walk in the road. When I am queuing, people push in front of me, and when I say something they say that they didn't notice me. If I'm waiting to talk to someone who is already in a conversation, like a lecturer or tutor, they don't seem to notice I'm there for ages, leaving me standing awkwardly while waiting. And if people I know are talking about something and I try to join in the conversation, they always pause for a moment as though surprised.

I have been giving it some thought and I'm not sure if I'm not giving the right non verbal cues, or if it's a reflection of my own disconnected feelings that other people are picking up on.

Does anyone else notice this or feel this way?

I was just about to post the same thing. Though, I was going to say that they seem to ignore that I'm there during group conversations as well. Like, there's an opening to talk, so I start and talk for a good few seconds, and they'll even reply, but as soon as someone else starts talking that's where everyone jumps to, even if I haven't finished my thought/statement/question yet.

If I attempt to do the same thing, I'm just ignored.

It's almost as if there is a "priority" level for people, and that those on top get whatever privilege it is (whether it be crossing paths, or talking). And it always seems I'm at the bottom of this.

Hell, even waiting in lines it seems like people just don't see that I'm standing in line. Group discussions, team meetings, 1-on-1 discussions where someone else enters the conversation, walking on the sidewalk, etc.

As you put it, it's like I'm invisible or something.

Nah, people are just rude and selfish-especially big cities.

Even family? I've had this happen my entire life. Even from direct family. By now though, I've established the "priority" of my family. Dad > Mom > Little Sister > Little Brother > Older Bro > Me.

And it's obvious when there's some celebrity or famous person (say Co-founder of Naughty Dog > everyone else). But when it's just a group of close friends, I'm completely lost. Or when it's strangers.

I can understand that in cities its better to close off from everyone else as there are far too many people.

However, I have noticed these exclusions in relatively small groups, with people I am familiar with. Similar to Kafke, I've also had people listen for a short while, then go back to their conversation and ignore everything I've said.

I've even had this happen at the Doctor's. Waiting for a blood test for half an hour, I tried to ask the nurses what was taking so long each time they came to collect another person to go in, even those who had not been waiting as long as me. Eventually when I was the last one left a nurse actually heard me and gave me such a look of confusion, as though 'why was I there?' After explaining my situation it turned out that my appointment had not been registered correctly. However, I had been ignored for a long time despite trying to catch someone's notice. It's a strange sensation.

My family don't talk much to each other, but my younger sister is much more sociable than I am, so whenever we are out together she tends to dominate any conversations. I don't mind that much.

I feel invisible a lot in public, even in a small town.

I don't get noticed at the gym, grocery store, or the post office.

Never have conversations or acknowledgments at the gym outside of saying hello to an employee at the front desk. Everyone else seems to have conversations with other people like everyone knows each other.

At the grocery store, it seems like people will stop with their shopping carts right in front of me like they didn't notice me, thus me feeling invisible.

It doesn't have to be a big city, I guess we Aspergers people can feel invisible any and everywhere. It is hard not to get angry or disappointed or whatever.

sometimes I feel invisible when out in public.
occasionally feel it in family too.

I feel invisible all the time. I want and crave social attention but my biggest fear is I will get the wrong kind.

Your family also?

I think that people on the spectrum may come across as uninterested even if we are desperate to interact and feel valued? Is it possible to tell them how you feel?

The only reason I can think of is that they may have not been expecting you, thus the confusion and you being ignored? Also when you tried to protest what did you do or not do, that failed to get the nurses attention.


I think this maybe a problem with western societies that the quiet ones are ignored and forgotten about? I know that when I visited Ghana in west Africa people tended to include you in-regardless of how shy you where.

Yes, I feel invisible lots of times both with strangers and people I know

My experience of getting old is like slowly going invisible over a decade.

Yea. At first I thought maybe people just didn't hear me or something. Or perhaps I was getting off topic (or staying on topic when people were moving on). Which is a big problem also. But those aren't it because my family gets very vocal about things. In one instance I was replying to a question posed to the family (I forget what it was), and as I was answering (I was the first person to respond), my little sister started speaking as well, a few seconds after I already started talking. I continued to talk, as I assumed that the rule "first person to talk gets to at least finish their sentence before the next person speaks" aka don't interrupt. Yet, I got yelled at: "[sister's name] is speaking!" This has happened over and over again with pretty much everyone in my family.

In public and with friends it's different. No vocal warnings, but just kind of acting like I didn't say anything at all. On time I was talking (and not looking at people), and when I stopped and looked up, I noticed that there was no one even listening. This was a group of like 4-5. I was even having a conversation with them a little bit ago (that's why I started talking). It's like I suddenly vanished and they went on without me.

I don't think that I come across as uninterested because I can hold 1-on-1 conversations with friends just fine (most of the time). Long in depth discussions with both parties participating. There isn't really any problems. But as soon as someone else comes in, it's like I'm totally forgotten and like our conversation never took place.

Walking in groups is the same. with just one other person, walking happens normally. But if it's 2 or more, the sidewalks are usually only big enough for two people side to side, and I just get forgotten and shoved in the back. With larger groups, the same type of thing happens. Even if there is someone else, they'll just walk in silence than actually notice my existence, or they'll talk to someone else in the group making a 3 person conversation.

I haven't brought it up yet because I'm not sure how they'll react. Probably something along the lines of "we include you! why would you think something like that?" and then forget that it was ever brought up.

I think at least two things are involved here for me,

Not being well equipped for social warfare. Unless you "muscle" your way to the front other people will take advantage. Either be relaxed with the situation or accept that, often, nice guys come last. There are a lot of rude and ignorant people around, might even be some in your family.

I often talk too quietly, I believe this is true for many with aspergers. As an experiment try increasing your volume, see what happens.

Android7, sometimes I am unable to regulate the volume of my voice, so I might have been speaking softly without realising, although it was only a small room. Perhaps I was too quiet at the Doctor's.

Kafke, I really understand a lot of your experiences. Luckily I don't think I've ever been told to shut up because someone else is speaking until after the conversation is over. My mom was a big believer in social rules and fairness so my siblings and I learnt them quite well - 'don't interrupt if someone is talking, no matter how much you want to'. Unfortunately this seems to be working against me now as people ignore that I'm waiting. I don't think they're doing it deliberately, because there would be no point to that.

It's good that you are able to hold conversations one to one as well. I'm not very good at that. It's hard to know what to talk about because I know people dislike me talking, but I don't know what they want to talk about either. So with my good friends we sit in silence or watch something together. Walking together is hard as well, if it is just the two of us it's not so bad (although I walk slightly behind the other person), but in larger groups I am often walking on my own. It bothers me less now, because if I was walking next to them I'd have to talk as well and I don't like walking and talking at the same time, and they usually pair off into romantic pairs/common interest pairs.

Perhaps saying something is best at times, though. If we are ignored anyway it's unlikely people will realise we are feeling excluded. It is nice to know that I'm not alone in noticing this, I thought it might just be me.

Yea, growing up social fairness was a big thing in my household (or so I thought). As for the one to one conversations, it's usually only with a few certain people and topics. Most of the time I'll reply with really short, to the point answers. I really just have no idea what to say most of the time. My long discussions with my close friends are usually discussing some interest of mine, whether it be video games, tv, or w/e. But when it comes to everyday topics, or something I'm not particularly interested in, I just shut up. Sometimes mumbling to get through basic small talk.

" It's hard to know what to talk about because I know people dislike me talking, but I don't know what they want to talk about either. "

This is the problem I have. With people I've known for a long time, it's easier. Usually my roommates and close friends will talk about whatever it is I feel like talking about. With random people (or non-close friends) it's a mystery. Also, how do you know if someone dislikes you talking? Do they specifically mention it, or do you just get that feeling because (like me) they just seem to ignore you?

I'm glad to see someone else has similar experiences.