Going through marriage separation, any advice?

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Hi everyone,

Long story short (well kinda) ...

My wife left me 6 months ago, she still won't talk to me about it.

I need closure so I can move on as I feel I'm in limbo.

Every time I think of her I end up crying, we see each other regularly (2 kids) but she will only talk to me superficially

I want to fix things (naturally) but have found out through immense suffering that I cannot.

How do you suggest moving forward when all you want to do is go back in time?

How do I feel good about myself again without medication?

I have some days where I'm ok but most of the time I'm on the brink of losing it.

Is a breakup of this magnitude always so painful for people with Aspergers?
(she is a NT and seems to be coping fine with everything)

I could go on but hey, you guys might have some questions...

Sounds like she made her mind up. Try talking to people if you have close friends/family you can get things out instead of keeping all the feelings/thoughts bottled up. Professionals can also be there to help you.

If it isn't too late for this (seems it probably is), perhaps both of you visiting a relationship counselor would help. Good luck.

Going forward means moving out of the apartment, or if you live in the place that you had together, find a new one. If you have children together you have the problem that everytime you see your children again, you will see her and thrown back into old feelings. But you ll have to decide if you care more about your children or yourself. In any case it will be not easy.

Maybe find a new hobby that you dont connect in any way with your old live. If you think she is the "normal one", be sure that this is really true. Maybe she manipulated you into thinking that. Dont trust her anymore, especially in monetary things. She lives a separate live now.

Get a laywer and make sure to be allowed to see your children. It s extremly sexist that nowadays always women get the children and the men have no chance after a divorce...

When she left you 6 months ago, she s not interested in you anymore. I know couples that went back together after being separated for 2 years, but only because both were absolutely independent when they separated. In any case, you have to be independent. Maybe then there is a second chance for your relationship. Maybe not. But when you stay in that mind-set, nothing will change.

You did a good start by verbalizing these issues. Now dont stop, but think about your future first and what you want. If she knows how you feel, that you have issues and she left you... Maybe all the better for you.

Don't worry about feeling better about yourself. She needs something, you ain't got it, end of story. There is nothing to feel better about.

I'm sorry, but my experience has been that, in romantic relationships with NTs, Aspies are always going to end up being thrown out with the trash. In their eyes, we are the trash. That's just how it is.

It's not her fault. It's not your fault. It's just a thing. Dogs and cats don't breed. Intercultural marriages are difficult. Aspies and NTs shouldn't marry.

The grief will pass with time.

You have children. I don't know if you have any assets or not. Other than making sure you are able to eat food and live indoors, don't worry about the assets. The kids are what is important. GET A GOOD LAWYER. Fight for your rights, whether you see yourself as worthy of it or not.

I think you're grieving. The end of a relationship is a major loss and it is to be expected that you won't be functioning at 100% for a while.

It's not impossible that you and your ex will remain friends; it happens sometimes, especially when both people know it wasn't working out because your personalities clashed and it's really nobody's fault. Or when they realize everybody made mistakes, and decide not to be angry at each other anymore.

I think this is just one of those big, nasty changes that really tends to upset anybody, autistic or NT, and throws autistics off-balance even more because we've got to figure out what's going to happen next. Not knowing that can be really uncomfortable. But in time, it can be done.

Everybody deals with this kind of thing in their own way, and it's totally normal to feel the way you're feeling. You just have to give yourself time to adjust.

Yeah, you are still going through the grieving process. That is made harder by your ex refusing to talk about it so you can identify what the issues were, but you will still come through it.

I would recommend talking with your GP about getting a referral to a GOOD therapist to talk about some of this stuff, and to help give you some techniques on how to deal with you're emotions when you see your ex.

If you haven't already, some legal advice with regarded to property and so on, and with regards to custody/visits with the kids would be a great idea, and will help you move through the grieving process too.

Good luck. This is a rough time for anyone.

thanks for your replies, the last few days have been a lot better.

you all made really good points and most observations were spot on, thanks for taking the time to read and reply.