How to respond to someone who disputes my AS diagnosis?

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My 14 year old son was dx with AS years ago by a brilliant autism/AS doctor in our city (she is also the cheif doctor in Developmental Studies, and has been published in peer-reviewed journals). After my son's 4th or 5th visit to her, she asked me some questions about what it was like growing up, my feelings in current social situations, etc, and she dx me with AS as well--something which I had suspected anyway.

Recently, I have had a falling-out with a bitter, miserable aunt. She called my dx of AS "an excuse for my rude behavior" and said that I "always have an excuse for everything" and that I was "making my AS dx up)." Things like that. So basically, she thinks the dx is incorrect and that I'm making it up for whatever reasons.

Next time she says that, would it be appropriate for me to respond with, "Well, I think I would believe one of the most recognized autism/AS experts on the Eastern Seaboard rather than a high-school drop-out with no knowledge of medicine." (I am a successful Registered Nurse, and I suspect that she is envious, but maybe I'm reading her incorrectly.)

Any advice would be very much appreciated.

That is a fantastic comeback and should shut her up...at least around you. I have an aunt who is very similar. My father told me "you just want to be autistic". I can't believe that thought could even form in someone's mind, let alone vocalize it.

My siblings don't believe I'm on the spectrum so I just shrug and ignore them.

My advice (based on recent self-work and major relationship overhauls): miserable, bitter aunt does not deserve your energy. Others often want us to join them on their roller coasters, whether miserable/bitter rides, exciting/chaotic rides, or what have you. We have the choice whether or not to buy a ticket to get on that ride. If it appears to not be fun or worthwhile, why stand in line to buy a ticket?

It's not worth the fight. One's energy must be expended on worthwhile causes, such as learning about your diagnosis, learning about yourself, and seeking out those who are supportive of you and your life and also those you can support.

And of course, doing what your own heart feels best doing is always the best way to go. Only my 2 cents! :^) Good luck.

Some people cannot move to a place of empathy after DX.... self or other.
I find these NT's the most offensive, as they are generally the bullies of our societies. Oddly they are near the spectrum, especially in regard to lack of sympathy or even psychopathy

At least they aint burning you at the stake anymore!!

Thank you all for your help and advice.

BN1111, you are right about her not deserving my time nor energy. She has "no life" so she likes to stir up trouble so that there is always some drama to fill that void she has. It got to the point where she was stalking--yes, stalking--my sister and me around Facebook so we not only unfriended her, we blocked her so that she cannot even see what we're up to. Maybe she will find a new target since she cannot bother us anymore.

Oh yeah, and the thing that drives her crazy is when she's ranting at me and I just stand there with the tiniest hint of a smile, not saying anything in response. That infuriates her! I think that to respond would be to allow myself to be dragged into her drama, and I will not allow that to happen. She is just a sad individual who needs professional help ASAP.

I would probably tell her that her opinion doesn't matter at all.

Just me... but I would never mention Asperger's to her again. Living well is the best revenge. And rude miserable people don't really change. Kill her with kindness.

You're being kind. I'd tell the shrew to stop trying to practise medicine without a liscense, and to stop thinking she knows everything about everything. I'd also make a comment or two about being abusive towards the disabled, and to stop being so ignorant and stubborn.

Of course, you've also got to do this in a way that doesn't give her an opening to start up about "being rude" again. Maybe you could try "Who's prone to be rude? I'm not the one who thinks she's an expert on EVERTHING, and is practising medicine without a license while contradicting the expert opinion of someone who's schooled in a field YOU know nothing about. Auntie... Stop being so stubborn. You're only making yourself look bad, and you're widening the distance between us. Stop. Stop now."

If that doesn't work, you might kindly let her know your family can't be exposed to this type of abuse, and that you're all going to miss her.

This is the best advice. I might also avoid her as much as possible.

Last edited by Adamantium on 11 May 2013, 4:34 am, edited 1 time in total.

Your Aunt's opinion means two things in this instance... Jack and S*%^.

I have found it best not to engage...

Firstly, sorry about your predicament......I appreciate how icky that must be (and for your son).

Like the others have already posted, it is doubtful you can reason with her, so you'll just need to disregard that and move onward and upward. Since she's your aunt, you probably cannot, and should not, just ignore her. Instead, insulate yourself and protect your son. Strictly limit time with her. She has drawn wrong conclusions based on not understanding plus, as you've pointed out already, her own emotiveness. Then, you don't want to make her cross - she is a family member and that could make it harder for you. (Yes, Feralucce's on the mark)! And like tall-p posted, that topic is now off-limits with her. Make that boundary clear to her.

From my experience, I explain Important Thing X to a person once. Then, if they still do not understand Important Thing X, I explain it yet again with greater clarity, using examples, giving references, etc. If they still do not get Important Thing X, then it's "3rd strike, you're out." Two_Sheds, you've done that. Time to play another game and with someone else. Otherwise, you're just exhausting yourself to no avail. You need not ever justify yourself to another.

Your practitioner seems to be just what you needed. You might mention to her that you've encountered an unaccepting person - maybe she can bolster your confidence too. Just sorry you had to have that close encounter.

I think the things the aunt said to you are rude.

Maybe she needs her own diagnosis and is jealous.

The OPINIONS of people like that are not relevant and are not worthy of your time.

Personally I don't argue the point. I don't concede either it is a.fruitless battle of whitlessness. When my mother talks.to me like that I just.hang up. I have that.luxury

Just don't talk to her anymore. Or when she says those kinda things be like "Ok, sure, whatever."

Some people aren't worth your debating effort.