Does social life really matter to you?
Hello, I am 19 and lately I have been thinking how our society seems to think that being social with people is the best option that everyone should take. However I have a hard time with interacting with other people and I don't really seem to care all that much. Everyone is always like "hang out with people and do things with them." Well, whats wrong with being alone? I am starting to think that for me being alone is the best option for me. Most of the time that I observe people situations they mostly go to bars, or go get a drink, or they would sometimes act like morons when they hang out with eachother. But I would like to think about staying home and just relaxing. My schedule is go to college from 8 to 11:30 am, go home till 1pm, do homework, take care of house/chores/ then go and play video games/read/watch tv etc. I don't really like being forced into situations so I mostly like to be a lone for most of the time. But why is it that people seem to think that this is wrong? What do you think? Is it wrong to be alone by yourself if you want to?
I don't think that it's wrong to be alone. But being alone can be boring at times. I would like to be in a social situation if I could fit in. But that's just it, I can't. 99% of things that normal(NT) people do I have no interest in or have any desire for. It's like I am an alien from another planet. Everybody else is into things that don't turn me on the slightest bit.
I'm like you as well, I think its just fine to want to be alone. I like too maintain a couple of friends becouse I do like to go out once in a while with people I can really relate to through my special intrests, however once or maybe twice a month contact is enough of a social life for me, its all I can handle or enjoy. I find a typical social life is a lot of work to maintain so keeping it minimal rases the enjoyment factor for me alot when I do engage in social actitives.
I put socialising into my daily routine, been fine with it for 2 years so far. but i notice thanks to putting it in my routine when im too busy to socialise i get down and sad and cant concentrate. Socialising has become something that I need personally in my weekly routine. but yeah society has put a lot of emphasis on socialising its sad. all that freaking group work they make us do in schools just sucks!!
It does matter to me. Feeling included in a group always makes me feel really happy, as though it gives me a boost in my self-esteem, which is good all around.
I would love to work in retail, on a customer service desk where I am interacting with customers all day. But I can't because I am too timid and shy and find it hard to be dominant and/or show authority, because I lack confidence. Not only that, even if I do try to be brave inside, I still give off this vibe which tells people they can walk all over me and hope to haggle with me and get their way and if they don't get their way they think they can easily intimidate me until I give in. So it's not even worth trying to get into retail. I've just got to be honest with myself.
I would be more careless about a social life, if I didn't come from a big family of all NTs. But I only have mild AS, and I was brought up in an NT environment, and was close to all my NT cousins, and went to mainstream school, so I've been observing NT behaviour ever since I was born and I have self-awareness, so I would feel very isolated if I decided to let myself down and be lonely for the rest of my life. I don't have as many friends as I thought I had, which is disappointing.
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Biscuitman
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Joined: 11 Mar 2013
Age: 45
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I don't consider social life a very important part of my life.
I have few friends and I rarely hang out with them, but I enjoy it when I do, because my friends have the same interests I have, therefore I can talk about my interests with them.
Even though I don't hang out with them often, I usually meet them at school or at the fitness center where I do martial arts and I talk with them when I'm there.
There's nothing wrong about being alone or wanting to be alone.
However, you will realize that being lonely is a very big problem. Find a GF, stick with her and it won't matter if you have no one else but her.
Social life is not important to me. I get all the social life I need at work.
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"Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat." - Mark Twain
If you enjoy being alone then go for it. There is nothing wrong with it just because our society thinks that being a loner is odd etc...
I spend my time alone too because I happen to enjoy my own company and find no enjoyment in being around other people at all. If your comfortable with being alone and like spending time doing activities you enjoy then don't let anything stop you or make you feel bad about yourself...keep your chin up and just live the way that makes you happy.
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Your Aspie score: 187 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 40 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie
It seems pretty normal and healthy for an Aspie--and probably some neurotypicals--to be alone when they wish, even if that works out to be almost all the time.
You might find gaps in your life, as I do, where it would really help to have a designated person to fulfill a specific role (for instance, talking about delicate subjects or helping me with my executive functioning). Unfortunately, none of my attempts to be social and make friends have touched that problem. All I was accomplishing was being social and making friends(?).
It has been important to me to understand and accept my needs for alone time, which are greater than most NT's. So long as I am reasonably happy, no one is in a position to judge me.
It has also been helpful to learn what meets my social needs when they do arise. Usually just hanging out for a while at the coffee shop suffices. Simply being around people is often enough.
For a long time I let myself believe that I only wanted to be on my own, but over the last few years - really, since I was your age - it's become clear that I'm not actually happy with the situation at all. When I moved away from home I was happy not to put any effort into making friends because I still had a few at home and decided I could always get to know people if I felt like it. These days I'm stuck between knowing people in my university town I've never been close to and old friends in my home town that I haven't had serious contact with for years, and so if I ever want to get out and do something there's simply no one left to call.
It's not like I wish I were going out every few days and having some really outgoing social life. But I miss having the option. I really regret allowing myself to become lonely and now it's harder than ever to get to know people.
I work and interact with people all the time but I do not have a social life. This is not by choice, though. There is nothing I would like more than a group of friends who I get along with but it just does not happen. I once did have some friends and miss them terribly but I find it so difficult to sustain a social life.
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