What do you do when your obsessions are worthless?

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Hey there,

I was diagnosed earlier this year. I'm 20 now. Two years ago I was diagnosed with ADHD. I've tried about half a dozen ADHD meds, with very limited success (Vyvanse now.) Looking back, I was worse in high school, fidgeting even more than now, always aggressive, touching and hitting people, lashing out, getting out of my chair constantly. I've heard that ADHDand ASD are related, perhaps why ADHD drugs do so little for me.

I found that I have very few interests. I'm extremely whimsical and mercurial.I get bored of things extremely easily, not to mention I have close to zero motivation to even start anything. I've been fairly depressed over many years, perhaps beginning in late elementary, till the present/

Things just don't hold my attention. Not because they're too easy either. Even my few interests can suddenly hold no interest, and its mortifying. College is a total waste of time, I don't even want to go for any specific field. I couldn't stand another semester so I decided to travel, a huge difficulty for me, planning a 9 week trip when I hate schedules and basically doing anything productive. But its only the first week and its already disenchanting.. I typically enjoy whimsical exploration of quaint places and its just not panning out.

My interests include computer games ( but just one, I never finish 95% of games I even try), computer hardware (performance & benchmarks, assembling my own computer; I'm worthless when it comes to understanding electronics or programming.), looking up random words in the dictionary, cloudgazing (not anymore), and whimsical exploring (though I'm getting my fill too quickly) Unfortunately, I have more or less no strengths, evinced as on numerous occasions asked various friends one thing I'm good at and got no response.

I'm not even 100% sure that I am ASD, but I fit the main hallmarks. Socializing, eye contact, reading expressions, some stereotyped behavior, etc..

I'm also hypersensitive to light and somewhat to sound, though it is counterbalanced by my below average hearing. In fact all my senses are weak except my eyes, which are -1, so I use glasses to read a blackboard, pathfind in foreign areas, to look at new places when I'm a tourist etc.. In my hometown I don't use glasses >95% of the time.

I'd be happy to elaborate more later but I'm on my tablet. Thanks in advance.

Last edited by kanashimoo on 25 May 2013, 1:35 am, edited 1 time in total.

are you depressed?

When you don't enjoy anything it's a sign of depression.

Schedules can be evaded if online classes are available. As far as motivation, I have the same problem. Exercising willpower can be worthwhile even just to find that one interesting question or problem.

   These are all NORMAL, welcome to bean human, they are uncomfortable though. This is part of what makes us different from "lesser" animals.

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   I'm going to have to call BS on this one! =P
   Everyone has strengths. (Well, mostly everyone.)

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   It's really hard to figure out someone else's strong points. That's been a special task of mine recently.
   Most people down-play their strengths because "arrogance" and "gloating" are "bad".

Grrr, what I meant to say was: It'll happen, promise. It always does even when I think it wont.
Useful special interest I mean.

What do I do when my special interests are useless?

I tell myself that at least they're not destructive.

Hi, this is my first post here!

I have Aspergers too and I have odd little interests and obessions. I usually only loose interest in something when I'm feeling down about life, and it takes me a while to get back into it. When my best friend passed away recently I completely lost interest in video games which used to be my main obsession, that was always mine and his thing that we enjoyed together and after he died I just don't have a reason to enjoy them anymore. But I seem to have replaced it with an interest for movies. I've been loosing a lot of my interests lately and I think it's probably due to depression about my family situation.

Computer hardware doesn't sound useless; some people get college degrees in it, presumably because there are decent jobs available for computer hardware experts.

Oddly enough, that's comforting. I waste too much time on useless things.

Depressed?

Yes, I've seen counselors, psychiatrists, various specialists over the years on and off from high school to the present. I mean talking about issues, venting, feels good, but in the end despite usually feeling better after, glimmers of hope and hints of coming epiphanies, it never pans out. It seems like nothing in life does for me - I just tire of things so quickly (but usually I dissuade myself before I even begin. This is why I'm on a trip right now; there is no escape and I have to more or less care for myself for over 2 months. Unfortunately, the magic of London is already fading..

I was prescribed Wellbutrin (buproprion) for depression. It is mildly effective, unlike my ADHD meds (Vyvanse). I take no other medications. I've always been skeptical of meds my entire life and avoided drugs if ever possible. I eventually relented when it seemed like as a kid, I always thought maybe next year would be better, and it never panned out. Still I like to have a practical analysis and see visible benefits, but for drugs like these, it obviously is nearly impossible to accurately benchmark.

Being socially awkward and never being in a real relationship has also been spiraling me downward, I don't care so much as never having sex but I long for affection and a constant, like a rock. (admittedly, I would think more about the sexual parts) Its kind of crappy that I keep it as a final frontier; even though I have such a naive innocence (being hard to start anything) I'm also world weary. However, the one time I may have ever been close to a girl (though she had other motives, to use me to help her pass English to graduate, being an ESL student. But it isn't as simple as cut and dry she's a harlot etc. etc., or at least I'd try to rationalize the first experience as) While I long so much for it (over 2 years ago), I knew very clearly that at the time despite all the absolutely most amazing experiences, I was also extremely tired of being around her and feeling.. bored. I really want to hope that it was just because she didn't care for me, but I really don't know. If that doesn't work, I can't even think of anything to hope for (to add on to problems of self sustenance in the future).

I tried some online classes before, its really hit or miss. The full online course I've taken in college are absolutely abhorrent and I dropped it. I took a half online half lecture class once and that wasn't too bad, despite the fact that there was no interaction between students (then again I interact very sporadically). I may talk a lot in say English or philosophy (which epitomizes screwed arts student eh) but be silent elsewhere. Either way, I like to listen to discussion if not contribute. I also took some science (biology) cause I thought that memorizing would be easier than processing difficult information. It turns out, as I knew before, the information overload of simple concepts brought me to me knees very quickly, barely passing it and I'm completely clueless on many important concepts.

I've always had problems with math and science in high school. I failed both grade 10-11 math and science classes as well as getting 50% in 9th grade. It may have to do with being severely hyperactive (ADHD) at that time, I was always hitting people and jumpy in class. Even now I never sit still, always fidget, touch things, have exceedingly relaxed posture.. I had to do those in condensed online courses (which to be honest is too short to make difficult) so I barely passed. For math I actually had to take essentials math 11, which is a hugely stripped down 'bare life essentials' course, which I got over 90% in. I can process simple mental math just slightly better than the average person, but my ability to process any concept with a hint of complexity just fries me. It could be high school math, such as algebra, or 10th-11th grade math. Inverting any concept is hard for me. High school physics was hard. I don' know anything about chemistry. High school biology was a whole lot to memorize. This doesn't exactly mean I'm good at arts. I have an okay vocabulary because collecting definitions is a pastime (semi-intense focus) for me, though I have to constantly use them to not forget, as I am extremely forgetful. 'Austere' is something I've looked up at least two dozen times and I'm still not too sure what it means. But that doesn't make me good at all the other conventions of English. Though I'm predictably a logical thinker, I'm also very emotional (you guys might understand). Philosophy (in college) is very interesting, but even wrapping my mind around first year concepts and logic just frazzles me.

*note that these are all first year courses, so simple stuff, that I feel is at the limit of my ability. This, as well as being clumsy in general (you guys might know) and bad at picking things up, and even getting better over huge periods of time make me feel like I have no strengths.

I used to read a whole lot, as in when I was 11, I could consume Redwall books in a week. When I first picked up the Amber Spyglass was when I started first using my parent's new oxford dictionary, which I got addicted to. I don't remember anything about the story but my vocabulary improved. However, a few years down the line, I don't know what happened. ADHD reigns supreme? I was unable to sit down and read anymore. Eldest and Brisingr of the Inheritance took several months each to read, and I lost my enjoyment of reading. Even now I can only read very short passages - my mind is wired to instant gratification (must be why I like computer games, currently League of Legends, strangely enough for the past 3 years. It seems the vast majority of other games I would start, try it for an hour, and never come back). This is also why I decided to go to Europe, to get away from games and stuff. I don't know, I never really had a chance. At 5-6 I recall the beautiful tantalizing 256 red, greens and yellows of a desktop that dosen't really respond no matter what I did to hit the screen or keyboard. From 6 or so all I did was watch TV. My parents cancelled our premium TV service and I switched to computers. Before then, I remember playing a bit with friends, and then I moved at about 5-6. I recall being fairly popular and accepted in my community, but these memories are a lot more fallible and I'm uncertain. I know I was a tad awkward in elementary, cried a WHOLE lot over nothing (and I even do to this day), walked around as a kid with hands behind my back pacing like those Chinese eunuchs.. but a whole lot of things don't seem to match up with the standard accepted age 3 ASD diagnosis.



:/ Thats really discouraging to hear. I guess so, it could be argued that playing games and cloudgazing and whimsically exploring places isn't destructive, but it is internally destructive. In the end it just makes me feel so lonely, isolated, and its a complete waste of time, if I wanted to be honest with myself. But imagination is the only place where things aren't so bad.



Unfortunately, again, its just a tertiary thing (you guys would probably know, obsession with a fringe section of a supertype). I'm just interested in assembling my own computer and benchmarks of hardware, that stuff. I saw my electrician friend's textbook and every page made my head explode. Inner workings, that kind of stuff.. too difficult to process. I feel like I should be very intelligent, but it never manifests. An analogy would be that my brain is an quad core CPU, but 2/4 of the cores are disabled. My entire family is either average to well above average, and all love learning. I don't.



My first post as well, hey! Unfortunately for me, I just can't even get interested in life in the first place, and its absolutely terrifying to see that my pointless, though interests that I find solace in just vanish in front of my eyes as I'm exploring London and feel no urge to carry on. Sorry for your loss.. to look back into my life, I don't think I've ever had any traumatic experiences, ever. I like to say that I have very small problems, but I'm even worse equipped. Kind of like an ant trying to surmount a hill, but seeing no end I feel no urge to even begin.

Sorry, I ramble a lot and go on huge tangents. I'll also edit my first post for readability.

Find a means to apply them in a worthwhile manner.

There's no such thing as a worthless interest. If it makes you happy, it is not worthless.

I'm sorry that you feel so down about life, I understand how you feel because my aspergers has become such a burden for me lately too. I'm socially awkard too and have never had a relationship, and the thing is I want to have friends and to feel loved. I had that with my best friend before he passed away because it felt like he was the only one who ever truely accepted me for who I am and we had a lot of the same interests. I was very lucky to find somebody like him, and it was devestating to me when he passed away. I understand that for people with Aspergers it's just really hard to make that connection with others and nobody seems to really understand that, a lot of people I know seem to think it's all just me and that I can change all that.

These things are buoyant; it makes me whimsically happy for a while before I mercurially fall into depression again.



Ugh, I don't even know about me. The worst thing is that I have so many saints for friends who put up with my s**t without complain for years, who listen, who try to help but are worried and unable. Same with parents and family, argh, this is so frustrating.

My interests are reading and my imaginary world and do NOT include the ability to write good original stories (which would not infringe on copy-write laws). My interests are WAY more worthless than yours! Knowledge of computer hardware could be useful.