patterns with people-am i a racist?

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I literally categorize everything in my life and I pay attention to everything. I don't know if this is OCD or perhaps aspergers related. Anyway sometimes I unintentionally do this in a way that normal people, and I myself when I think about it, find offensive. It is not meant to be.

Everyday I go to work. Get in the elevator, push 3, other people either push 2 or just get in. For a number of weeks, everyday the African-Americans would get out on the second floor, the Caucasians on the third. Stupidly I mentioned this to some coworkers a while back when we were chatting, and now I think they think I'm racist. I swear it was not meant to be, it's just that as I said I categorize everything. I've also noticed the percent of women who get off on the second floor is higher than the third (even though I'm female myself, I also work in a heavily male area).

Another smaller pattern is that many women have my name. Including one coworkers wife and my brother's fiancee. And it just so happens that my coworker goes my his initials which are the same as my brothers. I thought it was interesting, they looked at me like I had three heads.

Last one, sadly the same coworker (no wonder I feel like he barely tolerates me). I laughed when he told me his brother was a fan of Taylor Swift like I was. Now I realize that was stupid, but at the time I honestly thought only girls liked her and I thought he was joking....that's more categorization than pattern recognition.

The concrete mind of those on the spectrum is perfectly geared toward categorization.

It makes it easier for us to separate the world into black and white terms in which the information constantly flowing into our consciousness can be understood with rules and laws.

There's nothing wrong with seeing patterns. It make society much easier to predict if we know the probable outcome of a particular situation.

If people choose to be offended by facts, pity their ignorance and move on.

Racism is an outgrowth of a cognitive tendency we all engage in. The thing you need to do, is to question your assumptions on a regular basis.

"Everyday I go to work. Get in the elevator, push 3, other people either push 2 or just get in. For a number of weeks, everyday the African-Americans would get out on the second floor, the Caucasians on the third. Stupidly I mentioned this to some coworkers a while back when we were chatting, and now I think they think I'm racist. I swear it was not meant to be, it's just that as I said I categorize everything. I've also noticed the percent of women who get off on the second floor is higher than the third (even though I'm female myself, I also work in a heavily male area)."

Ker, I don't think any decent person would defend persecution of other groups as acceptable. But I hardly think you have done that in what you describe. What I decry most about Political Correctness is that it makes good people, like yourself, live in fear. And since what you describe about not noticing things about other groups is now de rigeur, living in ignorance as well. I remain to be convinced that the dismissal of any kind of fact, reality, or evidence in the pursuit of an ideology is a good thing. Doing so is a form of lie--a lie to ourselves--which are the worst kinds of lies of all.

Having said this, we do live in a climate of fear. Consequently, I think the best thing decent people can do is to notice what goes on in the world around us, but as in the old Soviet Empire, keep our thoughts to ourselves. And, of course, we should treat others as we would wish to be treated--which is the essence of decency. Maybe one day we will be free again, but not now.....

everyone is a racist in some way anyone that says they are not have never been in the real world or are lying to themselves.

It is not racist to observe patterns in your daily experience. It is racist to assume that a person's skin pigmentation is somehow going to determine their behavior.

It would be foolish, for instance, to assume that a person with dark skin who gets on the elevator must be going to 2, simply because of the observed pattern, just as it would be wrong of someone else to assume you were going to 2.

Based on what you have described and the sad reality that this is a racist and sexist world, I can't help but speculate that the jobs on the second floor may be lower paying and have less power than the jobs on the third floor. If so, that would fit trends that I have observed personally and read about in many workplaces.

Noticing this is not racism or sexism, but an awareness of the consequences of racism and sexism. People may be upset with you for noticing for the same reason that cities like to move out the homeless before hosting a televised public event: people don't like to see the negative consequences of the systems they create and maintain. They don't want to know.

As long as you are simply noticing patterns, you aren't doing anything wrong, though you may make people uncomfortable and they may blame you for that.

The key to not cultivating racist thoughts when you notice this kind of pattern is to avoid thinking that the patterns are necessarily the result of choices made by the individuals in question (e.g., "why do so many black people like working in the mailroom and cafeteria")--that's an error in causal attribution that I believe is one of the main factors behind racist and sexist thinking.

Categorizing is a natural part of the way the brain works, being good at noticing patterns can be a useful skill in many occupations.

People that are super-quick to call others "racist" are often racist themselves which sounds like the case with those coworkers you described. It's like overcompensation from thinking of racism as the norm, so they assume others are that way too.

I did exactly the same thing. When I was in school I always estimated the % of people of different ethnic backgrounds in my classes and the % male vs. female.

Venger, excellent point. What you describe sounds to me like this:

"b : the attribution of one's own ideas, feelings, or attitudes to other people or to objects; especially : the externalization of blame, guilt, or responsibility as a defense against anxiety"

This is one of the definitions for projection from Merriam-Webster.

For example, blaming the pattern of more blacks getting off on a certain floor on white racism before knowing the facts is not only projection, as described in the definition above--but its kissing cousin, prejudice--since the reasons for this pattern may be in no way sinister. However else we might wish to define racism, most definitions include prejudice against another group of people and its immoral and disreputable nature as key components. Assuming the worst about whites before getting the facts is just as racist and immoral as it is when done toward any other group.

Last edited by Thelibrarian on 09 Jun 2013, 12:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

No, that's not racism. At least, not the dangerous kind.

I think we all do subconsciously notice other people's race. At least, when it's obvious. (I can't really tell the difference between Mexican-Americans and white Americans, for example, because there are so few differences and they are overwhelmed by individual differences, but if a person speaks with a Spanish accent or has a darker skin tone I will usually categorize them as being from that race.)

Just noticing isn't really a big deal. Quite a few people are proud of their race because of the culture it implies. Talk to a black person about what it means to them to be black, or talk to a woman about what it means to be female. Often times they will mention things that are more than just physical.

It's okay to notice people's race. It's even okay to think that some racial feature or another looks exotic or beautiful (for example, I think the intricate hairdos that black women often wear are just gorgeous)... Or to prefer to date people from one race or another, because of an aesthetic preference. It's like how you can love England without hating France.

The really bad sort of racism is more like a choice. It's a choice to keep to your own kind because you're afraid of stepping out of your own culture and getting to know people who are different. In more severe forms, it's a choice to dislike or even hate people when you don't know enough about them to have any reason to make that choice. Knowing that somebody is probably African-American because you look at them and see dark skin and braided hair is not racism, but assuming that because they have dark skin and braided hair they must... [insert stereotype about black folks here]... that's racism, because it's making an assumption that you don't actually have any basis to make. At the very most, you could say, "That person is probably at a lower risk of skin cancer," or, "That person has probably had to deal with prejudice," but those things are statements that are actually true about dark-skinned people and minorities. You can't go much past that. Past that, you have to get to know the person.

The best way to get rid of those lingering bits of prejudice that you just soaked up because you live in a prejudiced culture is to spend time with people who are from minority groups. You seem to be unsettled by the idea that you might be prejudiced, and that's a good sign, believe it or not, because it means you know it's wrong and you don't want to be part of the problem.

The big weapon of racism is stereotyping, putting people in boxes. It seems like your own tendency to organize and categorize everything has fallen in with that, and you are aware of it, and you don't like it. Plus, you probably know that those boxes are not realistic.

So in order to deal with this problem, you can try to get more realistic categories. While it's not particularly "normal" to talk to people on an elevator, it is normal to ask which floor they are going to if you happen to be standing next to the buttons. If you see them day after day, it may also be normal to greet them, or at least glance up and smile at them. To interact with them reinforces your image of them as individual people, rather than representatives of racial groups. Right now you're using categories like "One of the black women who always gets off on the second floor." If you can change that to, "Monica, the black woman who works in the human resources department," then you'll be well on your way to more realistic categories.

I don't think you should aggressively socialize. In fact, maybe you don't want to interact at all. But even if you don't, try to think of your co-workers as more than just their race. You can usually tell a good deal about a person by the way they are dressed. So you may see "black woman", but look closer (for goodness sakes, don't stare; just glance and think about the memorized image) and you might see that she's wearing business wear and carrying a briefcase--she's probably an office worker of some sort. Maybe she's carrying a key ring with a photo of a baby on it; she might be a mother or grandmother. She gets off on the second floor, so she probably works there. Notice more than the race, and you may break your habit of categorizing people by their race.

I've had this happen to me, too. I would make an innocent observation about a situation, sharing my findings on the pattern I had perceived, and an NT would immediately apply an emotional connotation to it that I hadn't intended to make. This would result in accusations of being intolerant, cruel, sarcastic, etc. And in most cases all I had done was share an observation. They were the ones who had added the other ingredients.

For example, I would make a comment about an accent, and it would be assumed that I had a problem with the accent. What I had been trying to do was place this accent, and hoping that the other person would have a healthy curiosity about it. Instead I would be accused of being ignorant, or intolerant!

just happened to glance at this thread, and the replies were excellent, but one point worth mentioning is that kind of thinking, though in some way can be essential, can turn into a form of OCD, sorry to say, so a way of psychologically protecting from and warning off anxiety. For example, and this is to some degree speculation, other people on the elevator who are just being there may be feeling something different, such as more bonded, of course to a minimal degree, since it is just strangers, but it may be a safer and more gratifying experience for them in some way than it is for you, I'm not saying to try to stop it...just accept yourself as you are, but be conscious that there may be a more comprehensive way of processing experience, and that it is possible that that kind of catagorizing can be used to detach and ward off anxiety. This said, by noticing certain similaries you could be onto something:-)

What you describe isn't racism at all. It's racism if you think that people of different races are different in value.

It just sounds like you collect random observations that seem geeky and inane to most people (like a classmate in a course I took who could rattle off the route number of every two lane road in our populous suburban county).
And that might be the real reason that folks get ticked off.

As someone above said -there are probably companies on the second floor that hire lotsa low paid workers-hense why so many blacks and women get off at the second floor.

I dont think that you're being 'racist' yourself.

Maybe its the way you say it causes you to come off as if you were. Or it could be that the people reacting to you are over sensitive. Folks who pretend to not notice race have their hearts in the right place IMO, but you can overdo anything to the point of ridiculousness. Who knows.


Its just one of those things- its not your fault- but you gotta adapt anyway so you dont come off as socially obtuse.

I dunno. Girls identify with Taylor Swift. But I find her easy to look at on the TV screen. So guys like her too.

I don't think there's anything wrong with noticing it. The problem is that you mentioned it. I suspect an NT probably wouldn't mention a thing like that unless s/he was trying to imply something racist by it, but you didn't realize that and simply mentioned it as a fact. The funny thing is, there probably is racism involved, but not on your part: whatever businesses/offices are on those floors probably discriminate in their hiring.

Yeah. There's this really annoying thing that NTs do, where they just pretend differences don't exist, like they're shameful or something. You know how many times I've had somebody delicately refer to "your... condition", as though my autism were something I'm scared will get out and start a scandal? Too many.

That itself is a product of prejudice, though it's one of the more benign ones. People pretend like everybody's all the same, like to be polite you can't mention that somebody is (gasp!) disabled or black or gay or something. It's stupid and awkward and I wish they didn't do it, but there you go.