Why don't people with aspergers look people in the eye?

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I'm not sure on this one. I find both quite intimate, though both at the same time is more so than either alone.

When I was younger I was mercilessly physically abused by my father. Speaking to him was a no-no. Looking him in the eye was a no-no. The habit of avoiding eye contact stayed with me for years afterwards. Occasionally, I might still avert my eyes. It's hard to know whether this is related to Asperger's or the abuse.

that was a horrible thing you had to endure.

It is for me.

And this is not because kissing is not intimate. It's because eye contact is that extremely intimate.

Last edited by Tuttle on 10 Jun 2013, 5:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Since I can't imagine being a willing kisser (yuck!) I'll have to agree with B9 on this.
As far as eye contact, if I already know that I like and feel really safe with someone, then I don't mind gazing into the depths of their soul. It's surprising what you find there sometimes.

Does there have to be a logical reason why many of us avoid eye contact? I think it's enough that it makes many of us extremely uncomfortable.

It's a feeling of shyness and being timid. I feel like I'm on the spot, all attention is directed at me. By not looking the person in the eye, it's a bit less stressful.

I try but I feel a strange urge to either stare down the person or feel uncomfortable and wierded out by it as if they can see into me. I just feel really uncomfortable with eye contact.

It feels like The person I'm talking to is staring into my soul.

Eye contact, for me, triggers this overwhelming feeling of being out of my depth (which I am), and I get nervous about over-analyzing (which I do).

For me eye contact feels intimidating and more like aggression than friendliness. The same way most animals feel like, I suppose. Looking someone directly in the eye automatically makes me feel fearful except with close family, however I trained myself to instead try staring in between their eyes or at their forehead and it will still look like I'm paying attention to them. That comes automatically for me now.

It's the same for me. When NTs converse they usually use facial expressions to amplify and modify what they're saying.....a wink, nod ,scowl, slight smile, a slight smile with a wink?...etc...etc...etc...etc. I just don't follow this stuff well at the same time I'm conversing. I guess I didn't automatically pick this stuff up as I was growing up.

On top of this are things called "micro expressions" that are hardly visible yet are supposedly an automatic part of NT conversation as well; although these are very important I doubt I'll ever use or understand them.

Aaak!

Because I have to do it consciously and then I can't concentrate on the conversation.

Same with me, though I find that with people I like it isn't much strain. People I don't like, however, I not only can't make eye contact with them, I can't remember what they said latter on.

Inner turmoil

Because it's uncomfortable, I can usually get past it these days, but it still sometimes happens