self-harm

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I still cut a lot. Mainly self punishment, hatred and occasionally relief of tension.

yes it is dangerous and yes i want to stop, but im in a bad way mentally so occassionally i fall back into cutting again.

Unfortunately it is also addictive because of the chemicals released in cutting. At my worst i was cutting 4 or 5 times a day!! !!

Luckily its now only a few times a month and getting less.

I hope one day i wont feel the need to cut and can cope using non-maladaptive coping skills.

Actually, most experts say the opposite. Self-Harm is something that shows a need to live, or to feel. People usually aren't suicidal when acting on those feelings.

i self harm (cutting) becuase i dont know how to say that im hurting. so i just cut and then if people see it (i try to have them see it without them thinking im knowing there seeing it) i know they will know im hurting and ask. but i dont know how to say im hurting so thats much easier. it also helps me feel better if im really hurt.

I self-harm SOMETIMES with a small knife that I keep in my room.


-SpaceCase

I self-harm sometimes. It started when I was a child because when I did things wrong I wanted to punish myself because I didn't know I had AS then so thought that, as my parents always told me, that I was just a bad person and not trying hard enough.

It became a problem when I was in my teens because I started doing things that drew blood and left scars. I really wanted to stop but didn't know how. It became still a form of self-punishment but also a way of distracting myself when I felt really anxious or depressed. The pain was the only thing that could distract me from my emotions, but when I saw what I had done to myself, I just became even more depressed.

I have worked really hard to try to stop self-harming. I have not been able to give up completely, but I do it a lot less now and to a lesser degree of severity. I have tried counselling, but have had responses ranging from people demanding to see proof (at the time I only had marks on my chest and was certainly not going to lift my top up to show my therapist!) to people telling me that I just need to 'stop it' - as though it's just easy, to people telling me that if I need to do it, so be it - but I WANT TO STOP! I just don't know how and no-one - even those with significant qualifications can give me an answer.

I’ve got some funky scars. It’s all about control and pain tolerance to me (O and a distraction from the inner pain I feel, it never suppresses it unfortunately – it only adds to it).

Anyway, I just promised my ma I’d tell her when I get the “feeling” so I can have some external support…it works.

Self harm comes in many forms. For me its strictly during times of extreme frustration, but its not good as I am still paying a price for broken bones from hitting or kicking hard objects, usually a wall. But I really am trying to eliminate all of it. Its not healthy, I dont care what anyone says.

doing i often scares me, i only do it say once a month as a build up of all the tension of the past few weeks and it just hits a boiling point which i fall over. however its just like smoking a cigarette to me, it just calms me down from high stressed situations and stops me from doing something overly stupid. i also disagree that it is a pre-curser for suicide, i think if i didnt do i would be so much much much closer to suicide than i am now.

No, initially not but para-suicidal behaviour prepares the person for the idea of self-violence. It's often a slow process but it can prepare the individual for the usually 'unthinkable' idea of self-anihilation. Also, it should be said that people who suicide also don't often want to die but rather they feel that it is too painful to live or are ambivilent about life/death. Suicide is about getting away from pain, it is not about not wanting to die.

The beguiling factor about self-harm is that the individual is in control of the pain, they can see where they hurt and it often leads to a temporary release of the hurt they feel inside. This is extremely powerful and can, initially, feel liberating. But it doesn't in itself deal with the underlying causes of depression and, as I have said, can through a drip-by-drip wearing away of previously held taboos lead the sufferer to view greater self-violence (suicide) as an acceptable course of action. This is extremely dangerous.
The figures for youth suicide and self-harm prior to it are quite stark.

Of course, I'm not here wagging my finger at anyone. I was there myself both as a cutter and a near suicide. It's a tough road to fight against both but one, with hindsight, well worth embarking upon.

Last edited by Astilius on 11 Apr 2007, 1:49 pm, edited 2 times in total.

maybe trying to understand why you do it might help you?

like
what purpose does it serve?
do i like the feeling (what feeling, the sharpness, the pressure, the reaction of others,
a relief afterwards, a fascination, the fact that you go over your limit, etc ?)
do i get reactions i wouldn't get otherwise?
do i realise i'm doing it when i'm doing it or only afterwards?
what do i really think about it?

you might not know the answers to the questions (mine or your own) right away, maybe you need to observe yourself a while

and from there you might be able to create something else

just a few examples (maybe they are not applyable to your situation it's only an ilustration)

if you like the fact of going over your limit for exemple you could go cycling and try to do it as long as you can (setting yourself a goal like first weeks 50 km, after that 100km, when trained better 150km and if possible 200km-it's my maximum - or more)

if you need to prove something to someone : do something extraordinary no one believe you'd be able to, but harmless

if you need to defend yourself : do some fighting sports

if it's because you want other's to stop doing/saying things: try to find another way to do so.

if it's more like an uncontrollable obsession, be severe with yourself and obligate yourself to stop it in a few steps (week one: i can not do this more than..., week two: etc.)

All of my self harm seems to be superficial and emotional.

I beat myself up psychologically ALOT.

Too afraid to do any real damage to myself, so I mostly just mar my appearance by never letting accidental wounds heal properly leaving undesirably scars. Occasionally I'll punch a wall, aiming for a stud, so my hand is sore for awhile.

I have self-harmed. I don't do it anymore. (But I still binge-eat, which can be a form of self-harm... can all my psychological problems form an orderly queue, please? I'll deal with you one at a time!)

For me there were two kinds - the first was frustration. If I was trying to do something and couldn't, I would lash out, either by hurting myself or something around me. I once threw a not-working-properly tape recorder across the room. It didn't make it work, but it did make me feel better, a kind of revenge. I hit myself over the head with a maths textbook so hard I got concussion.

The second was the 'I'm hurting and can't express it' kind. I've been treated for depression for years before anyone twigged there was an underlying problem CAUSING the social trouble etc that led to the depression.

I did drugs, that was my form of self-harm.

I am trying my best to get clean. Clean for 5 months now.

It makes me physically ill when I read of people cutting themselves. I don't even like to shave my legs, for fear I'll take a big chunk of skin out. With my medication, which acts as a blood thinner, I could bleed like a stuck pig forever. No thank you.

Recreational drug use can indeed be a form of self-harm. The root cause of drug use and self-harm can be identical. Most people don't realize this.



That's great news. I'm glad you've kept clean.

hi,
2 years ago my life was so bad i started self harming, i was 13, now im very nearly 16 and i have started doing it again.
i think i might be depressed so i have a docters appointment on monday.
i think it depends whether your having a bad time in life.
((hugs)) i hope everything works out