Mild Autism + Highly Sensitive Person

Post Reply New Topic

Definitely an HSP here. However, when I intentionally suppress my emotions, my aspieness starts showing through more.

I appreciate hearing this from an outside source. I think my main problem is having thin skin makes me irritable a lot of the time, or I feel like I have to use anger and sarcasm to compensate for my sensitivity so people don't try to walk all over me. That kind of thing pushes people away a lot unfortunately.


Definitely, society has this irritating tendency to try and put people in rigid boxes. Since psychology/neurology isn't yet, and perhaps never will be, a hard science with definite mathematical laws (like physics or chemistry) - and is instead mostly based on subjective descriptions of behaviors and personal experiences - I think it is extremely squishy and prone to making over-generalizations.


I definitely have social anxiety, but I think there's communication and processing issues that go beyond that. I'm slow to process verbal information so my conversational response time is very slow. I also can't filter out background noise. These things makes socialization hard for me, especially your typical NT banter and noisy group chit-chat.

Also, my narrow interests, pickiness/perfectionism, sensory issues, and trouble displaying outward emotion fit the profile of someone on the autism spectrum - so an AS or HFA diagnosis seems correct even though I may come across as too high functioning in some areas ( emotional intuition, cognitive empathy, reading body language / facial expressions / voice tone etc... ).

I feel I have more in common with the HFA people on here than AS. My writing style is far more varied than most people on here who have the wordy "aspie" writing style. I can be wordy and pedantic at times, especially when it comes to political discussions and such, but other times I feel like I write at a fifth grade level.


Thanks for the link!

I think the thing that Elaine Aron doesn't get, is that there's multiple kinds of sensitivity. I see at least three kinds:

a) sensory sensitivity - this is the person who hates crowds, hates rough textures, hates loud noises, hates flashing lights, etc

b) social sensitivity - this is the person who is able to notice subtle social cues and interpret what they mean, although they may or may not respond appropriately (eg many children will act badly when they notice parents are stressed out)

c) emotional sensitivity - this is a person who reacts with strong emotion to things

The 'classic' highly sensitive person has all three, but you can easily have 2 or only 1 of those instead. In the case of Aspies, the vast majority seem to have high sensory sensitivity, few if any have high social sensitivity, and emotional sensitivity seems to be more variable.

Most likely, there is a correlation between the three types of sensitivity, but they aren't the same thing.

I'm an Aspie who is so emotionally hypersensitive to everything that it has become a disabling issue for me. Also I have too much empathy.

I'm sorry. You sound depressed to me. That can make everything a chore.
I've noticed an inverse relationship between my mental/aspie needs and my emotional needs.
When I take time on my own to recover from sensory overload, I become depressed very easily. But when I force myself out for my emotions' sake, I become extremely stressed! Aargh!

My list of hobbies has been accumulated over time, and I have to take many breaks in between. Much dancing around the edges of life to continue to function.

I am reliant on my husband for income as I struggle to function long enough to hold down a job.

I find voluntary work is the best, where they can cope with my many absences.

The other hint I have is finding somewhere you can participate along side others and interact with them that way, rather than face to face chatting helps me e.g. Woodworking class, or knitting group etc. Common interests provide something to talk about besides chatting(dirty word)and also provide emotional satisfaction.

But it's hard to overcome the "what's the point " attitude, believe me I know!!

That's interesting.
As far as I can see, I have a lot of a) issues, comparatively poor b) (it was on zero level when I was younger, then improved with the time but still is far below the average; as to c)..... I DON'T KNOW. I'm very much confused about everything that has to do with emotions, and I can only judge by what other people are saying about me. I know that as a child I was absolutely dumb about emotions (actually, I had only two: "happy" when things were done my way and "unhappy"/"angry" when they weren't); then later as a teen, my mother told me I was hypersensitive because I was very easily hurt; at the same time, she and everybody else said I was self-centered and ignored the feelings of others; I remember that I was often unaware of them until I was told. Although easily hurt, I often missed abusive hints anybody else would get. I could talk about feelings with a lot of detail, but my family often said "You must have read it in a book" and I know they were right to some extent because I know that I'm really "disconnected" from my emotions, even now. My theories about what I'm feeling can change many times a day. I used to struggle to understand myself when I was younger; but now I'm just bored with it. I know that I can be unaware of my own strongest feelings (love, hate, anger, fear, etc.) for a very long time until some situation makes them obvious to me.
Looking into another person's eyes, I hardly know what they are feeling, I just have the "flight or fight" reaction... or, sometimes, no reaction at all, as if I was looking at an inanimate thing. I'm sure about what other people are feeling only if they say it directly (upon condition they don't lie). BTW, when they do say it, I often react inappropriately. It takes me some time to process this information, so by the time I decide that I should be mad or thankful, etc., the person is often long gone .
I scored quite low on the EQ scale, and above average on the TAS scale ("possible alexitymia") but I don't know if I can rely on test results because I was very much confused by the questions themselves.
Considering all this, I don't know if I'm emotionally sensitive; I only know that I'm emotionally stupid.

Before an autism diagnosis was suggested to me, I looked at a lot of literature on HSPs and thought that it pretty much fit me.

This is the way my "social sensitivity" works, I don't know if anyone else is similar:

I think now I have a decent amount of something resembling empathy, but it's not really the good kind of empathy that lets you know people's specific emotions or anything. It's the bad kind that makes me like an emotional sponge. Unfortunately I've gotten to be pretty good at subconsciously picking up on when other people are angry/anxious and this affects me pretty badly. I become very fearful in response and don't know what to do! Even though I can tell that someone is angry/anxious, I still haven't developed the other-people-soothing skills to know what to say when someone is emotionally wound up. Frequently also I am not able to interpret why they are angry/anxious unless they tell me specifically, so I often assume it's some problem with me.

After considerable therapy I can now sometimes consciously identify when other people are upset and halt my anxiety reaction to some degree, instead of mysteriously feeling scared and confused around a particular person. I'm also a lot better at not assuming things, and I'm starting to be able to tell with both others and myself what was the cause or source of anger/anxiety. It takes a lot of effort, though, because I don't think I'm used to looking into other people's minds to examine what they are thinking in detail-- I usually just react to whatever is immediately present (scary face!! ! yelling!! ! oh no!! !)

I have noticed this as well on the internet. Personally I don't fit the hsp definition at all. I'm mostly unaware of my own emotions or how I am perceived in social situations and while I am usually likeable and have a good sense of humor I am often told I also come off as arrogant, insensitive and unempathic. It is hard to care about peoples feelings when you don't understand or relate to them.

I don't like having to drive somewhere to participate in a big group activity. If work is only a drain to you there simply isn't enough time left to both relax and recharge, take care of chores, and go out and do things. I'd love to find a SO but I'm asexual and haven't been able to find anyone compatible with me. It also seems like males aren't allowed to be emotional weaklings that can't work full time and need attention from others to be happy. So I think I will eventually end up killing myself. It just isn't worth it. You try to weigh everything up on the scale and it just doesn't add up to anything worthwhile. I'm tired of being labeled depressed and having worthless pills thrown at me. The real issue is my life is incredibly dull and I can't tolerate it anymore. I'd probably do something crazy if it wasn't for my damn parents. It's gotten to the point where seeing happy people triggers me.

Is there a new long-term goal that you would like to pursue, marshall?

Would you like to study again or do some project on your own?

That might give you motivation and energy and undull your life.

The problem is I cease caring about my "goals" if I'm not around other people with similar enthusiasm. I tend to become so advanced in a topic that nobody around me is on the same level. It's always been hard for me to accept NTs who just want very basic superficial learning for the sake of socialization. I really need to find people with similar interests, but I have this thing where I burn out and change my obsessions. I have a hard time holding onto new interests for any length of time now. I learn something in depth for a few months and then I get completely bored and have to find something new. It's horrible.

Do you have an idear of what you want to do in life after burning out of grad school?

Have you recovered from the burnout?

It sounds like you are bored and aimless right now.

Please, don't do that.

Depression is a physical illness. When your brain talks that way to you it isn't well. Don't let it do away with you. You seem like a good person, and the world needs more of those.

Since you say you are asexual why not think about going on a retreat in a monastery. You do not have to join it to just go there a while for a break from the stresses of everyday life. Many of them will take male visitors.

There are other solutions to feeling lonesome, than a mate. Communal living for instance. Not every roommate is a slob.

I'm not going to kill myself anytime soon, but it's hard to find a real reason to want to continue indefinitely if things don't change for the better soon.


I know my brain isn't well but it doesn't seem like there's anything I can do to change it with yet more medication. Being on a high dose of antidepressants takes the edge off but it doesn't really touch the "empty" feeling I have, the fear of boredom, or the lack of ability to focus. I feel like my whole personality has changed since I burned out from graduate school in 2008.

I want to think I'm a good person, but underneath it I'm selfish and needy. I can also get horribly angry and am capable of becoming physically violent.


Is finding an asexual partner hopeless? I'm not aromantic.


If the roommate also happens to be a close friend. I'm too private to live with a casual acquaintance who doesn't really know me.

Right now I'd like to get a programming/software-development job. I dreamed of being a research scientist, studying atmospheric science, but don't really like the idea anymore now that I found out what it entails. Science would be awesome if I could just research whatever the hell I wanted to and didn't have to worry about funding and academic politics. I know programming is something I'm skilled at by now I'm overqualified with all my meteorology/climate degrees.

I'm not good at searching for things on my own. In the past my father always pushed me by finding out all the information about various schools and programs. I just wrote the applications, took the tests, and made the final decisions. I get completely overwhelmed by completely open ended processes like "networking" and "job searching". There's something about it I just can't deal with emotionally. My father is going to try and help me but he isn't exactly the most knowledgeable person.

I also need a life outside my job. I can't just sit in an office coding for 6-8 hours, drive home in the dark, make my own meal, and go to bed. I'll become horribly depressed. I may only be able to work 20 hours a week. I have no idea. I have horrible sleep issues.

Marshall, get out of my head! seriously, this is me. I just got my referral to a clinical psych.

I read the HSP thing & realised that was me, before my autism light bulb moment. I assumed since then that my sensitivity was down to sensories ( I have some very odd ones) but you state the paradox beautifully.

I'm preternaturally self-aware, both physically and mentally. Sensitivities are some touch, light, sound, peripheral vision ( though I think that was acquired / learned- long story), temperature across a certain range, air pressure and electromagnetic fields. I put my need for a certain amount of emotional / social connection down to my childhood, but can be perfectly happy on my lonesome - right up until I'm not.

One of the reasons I'm bucking for diagnosis is that any procedure done under local anaesthetic is still physically palpable despite being "pain" free and hugely bio-physically (and hence emotionally) traumatic.

When it's good, and you're in control and can harness it, it can be useful, interesting, amazing ( I can dowse, for example) but when it's going against you, it's horrific to the nth degree.

"responding well" is to my mind an NT viewpoint. I have some hard-won cognitive empathy, but my emotional empathy can be disabling, even at a distance. I have friends I don't speak to often, but I "know" when to phone and check up on them, or can tell who is calling me before I look at the display.

It's a brooooaad spectrum, and to my mind it's not actually quantifiable in concrete terms, because there are too many potential variables to the activity and abilities of the autistic brain.

Rambling a bit, sorry. Went to docs, then gorged like an animal ( on carbs) and now drinking to help the adrenaline go away


torque.