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Panddora
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26 Jun 2013, 4:48 pm

Meistersinger wrote:
Yes.

When I was growing up, spare the rod and spoil the child was the norm for discipline, along with children should be seen and not heard.


Although this was my childhood, my father used to get carried away, hitting me without my understanding why, while my mother made sure he did not go too far. It wasn't so much that they were strict in all areas, I was seen as naughty and therefore punished. With hindsight it may have been the AS that they didn't understand but there was no such diagnosis in those days so I was just the wierd, annoying child who he tried to make 'normal'.



Enc
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26 Jun 2013, 5:11 pm

My parents were/are ok. Sometimes they were some misunderstandings and my mom wanted to give me some strict rules. While I wanted to have as much freedom as I wanted and also needed. They were some clashes between us but nothing that bad. My dad was almost always outdoors and/or working and was very nice once he was back home. Nothing special to tell here, although they were ALOT of misunderstandings, also because I am diagnosed very late. Sometimes my mom didn't know what to do with me anymore since I got kicked out of every school hehe. But it all ended alright.



sonofghandi
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26 Jun 2013, 7:16 pm

I was subject to some ridiculously strict parenting growing up, but only when they were actually parenting. I had the kind of parents who were really into the whole "spare the rod, spoil the child" school of child-rearing. I was never allowed to miss Sunday morning and Sunday evening, every Wednesday bible study, every church function, no exceptions. Ever. I also got some physical "corrections" for things like being 1/2 hour late (disobedience), taking too long to answer questions (rudeness), asking questions about god/christ/christianity that were "inappropriate" (blasphemy), playing dungeons & dragons (satan worship), sleeping past 7am on a Saturday (laziness), drinking coffee (drugs), hiding from things when I was little (cowardice), correcting a mistake they made (disrespect), saying that my cat talks to me (lying), playing with the black neighbor kids (associating with a "bad element"), almost any stimming (being a freak), having a seizure (demon possession), not smiling/laughing enough (being cold-blooded), having a girlfriend of German descent (being a nazi), and asking for an allowance (greed).

Luckily, my dad had two jobs and my mother was a tv junkie, so the pain only came when they were paying attention (which was not too often).


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naturalplastic
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26 Jun 2013, 8:35 pm

They were the happy medium: strict-but-not-too-strict.

And I was an aspie. Rarely acted up, and only rarely tested the limits.

But they had very opposite management styles- that became more opposite as time went on as they reacted against each other. That became very confusing, and stressful.



Last edited by naturalplastic on 27 Jun 2013, 11:54 am, edited 1 time in total.

ChromaticRaven
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27 Jun 2013, 11:01 am

Seems like quite a few experienced what most would call very disciplinary parenting. It's good in some way's, though there is of course a limit were it is a little over the top. I find it horrible that some of you experienced physical punishment :/



zer0netgain
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28 Jun 2013, 11:32 am

ChromaticRaven wrote:
Seems like quite a few experienced what most would call very disciplinary parenting. It's good in some way's, though there is of course a limit were it is a little over the top. I find it horrible that some of you experienced physical punishment :/


Sometimes a kid just needs a good old fashioned spanking. 8)

Truthfully, my nephew is nicknamed "iron butt." Spanking didn't work that long on him. He'll act like it's going to hurt, but we all know he hardly feels it.

If you figure out your kids, you can find better ways to punish them. My sister is outgoing. To punish her, my parents made her stay in her room. I'm the opposite. They'd force me to stay out with company (which I hated).



Rudywalsh
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28 Jun 2013, 4:03 pm

I was born in the 1960s when children could only be seen and not heard. My mother was an angel whilst my stepfather was the devil in side burns.

I was treated different because my mother was pregnant when she married my stepfather, when I popped out so to speak I was brown in colour and both my parents were lily white (not good) I found out later that my real father was Brazilian.

I also was punished if I didn’t eat my food, which was the fat on meat, it made me sick, so my stepfather would on purpose give me the worst cuts of the meat loving the fact I hated it. I would either give it to the dog or stuff it in my pockets.

I was so scared of my stepfather that I would be in tears when he shouted at me, he would tell me to clean my room and then once I had finished, he would throw everything around the room in a rage, and then make me clean my room again.

He hated me, silly man was very insecure.



Rudywalsh
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28 Jun 2013, 4:06 pm

I was born in the 1960s when children could only be seen and not heard. My mother was an angel whilst my father was the devil in side burns.

I was treated different because my mother was pregnant when she married my stepfather, when I popped out so to speak I was brown in colour and both my parents were lily white (not good) I found out later that my real father was Brazilian.

I also was punished if I didn’t eat my food, which was the fat on meat, it made me sick, so my stepfather would on purpose give me the worst cuts of the meat loving the fact I hated it. I would either give it to the dog or stuff it in my pockets.

I was so scared of my stepfather that I would be in tears when he shouted at me, he would tell me to clean my room and then once I had finished, he would throw everything around the room in a rage, and then make me clean my room again.

He hated me, silly man was insecure.



r84shi37
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28 Jun 2013, 9:33 pm

BookPerson wrote:
My parents weren't so strict in the terms described but were strict in other ways, I feel. There were no draconian punishments (then again, I never really did anything wrong), yelling, or making me fearful. (Probably because their parents did this, and they decided never to do the same.) But my parents were very religious. Until I my mid-teens, I wasn't allowed to watch movies/TV with profanity or PG-13 films. Even if the word "sex" was mentioned on TV, I had to instantly change the channel or turn it off. I even had to "guard my mind" against "bad" commercials - those with scantily-clad models, Victoria's Secret, etc. I could never speak questioningly of religion or God's existence. Until about the age of 15, my mother even scrutinized the books I read, without her actually reading them (though she's really loosened up in this area). Even though I was technically allowed to date at 16, my parents still wouldn't allow the one time I asked their permission, because the girl wasn't a Christian.

There are some expectations on their part too that fit into their thought. Now that I'm at university, and away from home, they expect me to uphold all Christian morals, find and devoutly attend a church, connect with a group of other Christians, and keep God at the center of my life. But, after many years, I've realized that I cannot believe, and I'm an agnostic.

I think the result of all this was that it made me inward about most of these things with my family. I don't feel like I could ever discuss love/sex with my parents. I dread the day that I bring a girlfriend home. I think the feeling of judgment I generally dislike possibly stems from this upbringing. Another result is the realization that my own views are different than my family's and life at home is different, in a way. I love my family and that part of being at home. Yet at the same time, there are reasons why I like being away at school.


Just out of curiosity, are your parents hard core Mormons? I noticed the 16 dating number there.


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BookPerson
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04 Jul 2013, 1:07 am

Actually, they aren't Mormons, but they are evangelicals.



Adventure4U1
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04 Jul 2013, 9:18 am

I keep getting punished for trying to protect my own boundaries. We gotta grow, have our own. Tuesday Night- I tried to lock my bathroom so my annoying brothers wouldn't keep coming in there. Guess what my father did? He pulled off the covers, told me I was a step away from Grandvalley state Universty, and threatened to remove both of the laptops.

I visited Grandstate Valley, and had to attend a hockey game afterward. When I told Mom how much I loved it, she said that OU might be better.
The most annoyhing thing? I'm too dependent. I have zip-zero cash. I am 20 years old. I shouldn't be this way

I have's to stay till Christmas, or till I make money- whichever comes later- I guess. If I get that money by December of this year, I can leave in 2014!
Or Maybe I'll leap in 2016, the next leap year.



chtucker18
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04 Jul 2013, 10:21 am

Kind of



tall-p
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06 Jul 2013, 12:35 am

ChromaticRaven wrote:
Did any of you experience being raised in a very strict manner? How did it affect you?

I was born in 1942, and my father was off fighting in WW2. My mother was very loving, but she probably had Aspergers too. When dad came home everything changed for me. He was very stressed out about me, very disappointed, very angry. My mom, who was a college grad (not too common back then), taught me to read before he had returned, and I turned into good student, but he felt I lacked discipline. I had terrible posture, I didn't look him in the eye, I didn't pay attention, follow directions, do my chores quicky enough. I was sloppy, and gawky, and I had terrible table manners. So, I was sent to military college in 1960. Six weeks later, I snuck out before dawn, and hitch hiked across the country.

How it affected me... I remember like it was yesterday, when I was off at a normal city university and doing well, that I became aware of my father's voice in my head, and it was very, very, critical. After that revelation I pretty much cut him out of my life for a decade and a half.


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Last edited by tall-p on 06 Jul 2013, 1:08 am, edited 1 time in total.

TGH
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06 Jul 2013, 1:01 am

I live in Trinidad. Yes, my parents were strict- like many here. Maybe to an extreme. To be exact, Mom was. Dad usually stayed quiet. He was a bit nicer, at least, but he didn't really help me when I was in trouble with Mom. I remember when I was younger, maybe 8-10, I loved drawing. I used to draw all the time. Once, though, a teacher caught me drawing in class and after that my Mom would, on random days, take me right after (a stressful day of) school and force me to stand there while she searched my bags and if she saw a drawing she would hit me hard, over and over, for each one she found. In Secondary School if I told her that someone stopped talking to me or she noticed a friend stopped calling she would blame me and beat me for being difficult and off-putting. I didn't like being naked in front of others and she would force me to strip in front of her because 'other parents said their children were fine with it'. I might have been afraid she'd hit me and I wouldn't have clothing to protect me. She had a terrible temper and would explode for no reason. Once she hit me in the middle of a friend's birthday party for something she thought I did (which I didn't do). Sometimes she would yell at me so loud my cousins (who were my neighbours) would tell me they heard her screaming and consequently me yelling because she hit me. All this and both my parents worked full time so I was always punished for things I had little guidance on. I tried to run away once but my Dad caught me and my Mom - surprise, surprise - yelled and slapped me in the face. She was violent and temperamental and it made childhood hell. I even liked school because I could get away from it all. Despite that I was a 'good kid'. Quiet but well-liked, but with a bit of a temper at home.

Later, though, when she started a course on psychology and realised how her childhood (a hard one) might have affected this and the terrible effects it was having on me she did a sort-of 360. Years later and now she's sort of a pushover at times. :roll: I have to remember not to hurt her feelings or bring back the time when she was mean and violent because it makes her cry or feel bad. It kind of sucks that I have to worry about her when I want to try to get over those issues but it's better than the way it was.


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06 Jul 2013, 7:34 pm

Yes. They were. Or my dad is, but perhaps not mom anymore? Christian fundamentalists, i mean. Guilt and fear. Always guilt and fear.

My childhood was... difficult.



ak_born
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09 Aug 2013, 3:24 pm

MrStewart wrote:
Christian fundamentalists, i mean. Guilt and fear. Always guilt and fear.


That sounds similar to my childhood. My parents were strict and devoutly religious to the point they regulated all TV shows and prohibited any music that was non-christian. My dad had a strong military background, and it was a "yes mam, yes sir" upbringing with spankings or groundings if any rules were broken. I remember often being anxious.

Fortunately, my parents supported/encouraged my special interests (piano and painting) and let me start playing piano at church when I was in middle school. I do feel fortunate to have been the church piano player because it helped me fit in a bit better and be a bit more tolerant of being around people since the environment and roles were familiar.