Autistic disorders and anger tantrums

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My mom was telling me in the grocery store about this guy she used to know who had a son with aspergers-he's the same age as me-about 17-18. She said he had SEVERE physical anger tantrums. He would beat people-especially his dad. Well now he's institutionalized. I don't understand why they don't talk him into meds. Especially once he's been in an institution I'm sure he wants to get out.

I used to refuse my meds but eventually took them when my parents looked so worried. I also used to be very physically aggressive. I once grabbed this little girl-I called her my "little buddy" and she looked up to me-by the arm and swung her around. She cried. I finally realized what I was doing, pulled her close, and held her, apologizing. And after she forgave me and stayed my little buddy but had to move away-she cried when she said goodbye.

Also when I'm off my meds-which I haven't been since I was 13-14. I would physically beat my mom-not my dad he's too big and I was scared of him.... I still am. I would kick, punch, hit, scream, and everything. I would even throw things sometimes. I just got so irritated and would just... burst? Yea so. There were some times I attacked my dad and one time my best friends mom (mildly) but that was out of panic. I was stuck at a slumber party with my bff and-surprise-her friend I didn't know and whom didn't know me. I'm bad with people and I didn't already know her (I'm doing better at this now though). I freaked out. Her mom didn't tell us that.

Anyone else have anger tantrums?

I've been nearly arrested for things I've done in my meltdowns. Twice I wounded my mum and wouldn't stop losing it, she had to call the police on me. I ended up handcuffed and four police officers had to restrain me. When I've had meltdowns while in hospital, being injected was the only way they could stop me.

I tend to scream, swear, kick, grab objects and hit people with them, break stuff, tear at my skin, etc.

My meltdowns are worst when I'm under on-going stress. And I was kicked out of nursery and my first (of three) primary schools for physical assaults towards teachers and pupils.

Mine got me into a holding cell for "crazy dangerous" people. Excitement turns to anger with me, it seems. I also choke when angry, and threaten to stab/kill. Must be that meltdown stuff I keep on reading about.

I think the meltdowns just go with the territory.
You can reduce their severity, and perhaps their frequency, as you get older and more mature, and by not over exposing yourself to stimulus you know will make you anxious.
I still get meltdowns and I'm 41.
It really depends on the individual, but in my experience whilst medication may alleviate feelings of anxiety and agitation in the short term, in the longer term they only make things worse, as they dull your senses and your thinking, making you feel somewhat less "you" and more a dulled down almost zombie like version of yourself.

Apparently yoga, meditation, and the like can help. I certainly recall in the days when I was doing karate (about 20 years ago) I seemed to be more focussed, less anxious, and had less meltdowns.
Of course the social anxiety gets in the way of my resuming this sort of activity, as well as the fact I am a man married to a woman with a disability (CP, wheelchair user). I feel an overwhelming sense of responsibility for her, and this along with my own feelings of abandonment prevent me from seeking out a group of strangers to interact in a common activity with.

Anyway, my understanding is that meltdowns occur when our expectations are not met by reality, and frequently this is a result of some action we have taken that did not provide the expected results.
If this is the case it just takes a while to get used to.
If on the other hand you are having meltdowns where you are getting violent with family members, then you also have to look at your relationship with them. If they are triggering your meltdowns, then likely there is some problem you need to resolve.
Either you should try to discuss this with family in a calm relaxed setting, or if necessary, raise it in a controlled environment with an independent third party, such as with a counsellor or therapist. You will all need to be brutally honest, to deal with this if this is the case.

Meltdowns can be reduced but not eradicated, but they come from somewhere, and only by identifying the source can you really see them as what they are, and work on resolving the issue that leads to them.
Sometimes it's just your ASD - which means you need to adjust your expectations. Sometimes it's an interpersonal relationship, in which case you and the other person/s need to address this together to work through it.
Trying not to think about it only empowers the problem more, and failing to address it leads to the "elephant in the room syndrome", where family members are always anxious, never discuss things openly, and only build resentment, hostility, and stress, whilst pretending everything is normal. You don't want to live like that, I've been there done that and got the T shirt.

It's not psychological, or really an anger thing. It's neurophysiological and caused by sensory triggers in the environment. I'm like that as well, told I shouldn't "be on the outside" and carry a card stating my condition because of past police misunderstandings.

How about punishing someone for a peanut allergy, or a blind person for walking into traffic because the streetlights around them aren't adapted for blind folks? It's the same deal. Just my $.02.

What do you mean sensory triggers?

Like somebody "flipping out" can be triggered by a blend of these microaggressions as well as things being disturbing in the environment.

If it is extremely hot, and Jones is exposed to a lot of noise, and he ate something wrong maybe too much gluten, and Jones just runs out of spoons - look up the spoons theory of disability - and then he is pushed further and further to do things that may be all right for NTs but not for him - like a shirt with a neck tag is put on him by Mrs. Jones, he has a higher chance of having a meltdown which seems like an "angry temper" to someone else.

For me, a big thing is hair. As a child, my mom would cut my hair into 'China Doll' bangs repeatedly because it 'looked cute'. It almost always resulted in me ripping the whole thing out, being nonverbal for weeks, and often having a bleeding patch on my head. It can be all manner of things that NTs don't grok, and that autistics often cannot communicate if they're not fully verbal.

I can never wear my hair down. I accept this, it's fine, but not everyone is even aware that this is a factor in their life, because they didn't go through the removal - of - triggers thing and then added them back to their lives one by one, like one tests for an allergy. Likewise with the families that talk about 'institution' and medication which might not work well, if the real issue is not addressed.

If you can restrain yourself out of fear, you can restrain yourself, period. Don't use AS as an excuse for your emotional immaturity, you just give us all a bad name.

You are indulging in personal weakness and using it as an excuse. If you knew your dad was going to beat you senseless every time you lost your temper and acted out against another person, you'd straighten up quick.

What I did was because I got overwhelmed and couldn't help myself. I didn't know why I just couldn't control myself. Something took over. According to my psychiatrist it WAS because of AS. But I haven't physically freaked out since I was 14 (And that was out of fear and panic). Also I had to be put on medication-which I still take. It's normal in people with AS to have trouble with meltdowns. P.S. My dad raised me to fear him. You don't know my childhood. And I did attack him sometimes. Out of FEAR.

Last edited by HopefulFlower on 23 Jul 2013, 6:34 am, edited 1 time in total.

I used to have rages as a kid. I would trash my room, kick holes in my walls with my bare feet, and on. I was too scared to hurt anyone. Once, when I was in the hospital, I was in a "code blue" rage, and I did wind up hurting one of the nurses as they tried to restrain me. They shot me up with enough tranqs to put out an elephant. I heard about her injury many years after the fact, hearing how she left the hospital, and felt pretty bad about it.

Last edited by mikassyna on 23 Jul 2013, 6:39 am, edited 1 time in total.

I'm not sure how much I agree with this, but I do agree with it to some extent.

I feel the need to throw stuff, kick things, scream, shout, and smash things.

Times I've actually surrendered to those impulses...maybe once or twice.

I'm afraid of what I could do if I "let loose" like that, so I restrain myself.

I'm afraid of what people would think of me if I "let loose" like that, so I restrain myself.

People already complain of my "outbursts" and they've NEVER seen me at my worst. Sometimes, when I have a place all to myself, I will shriek at the top of my lungs until I'm sweaty. I can't do that around other people.

Now, if my AS was more severe, maybe I'd not have the ability to restrain myself.

Also I did attack my dad according to him-he just woke up. I just don't remember. My memory when it comes to my childhood is selective. It remembers specific situations. Like my touch sensitivity relates more to him than my mom because of my memory even though my mom says certain situations I remember were more often done by her. But my meltdowns usually happened in the morning if my memory is right-before school-and my dad goes to work early the morning so he isn't even there.

Something happened at work this week where I felt like I wanted to strangle this person. Man, she infuriated me so much!

Unfortunately, where I work, stress is unavoidable. It just comes from all sides and you never know when someone will just attack you.

The anger I feel has cost me sleep, though. I sure wished I knew why autistic folk hold on to anger so long. Maybe it's just me.

I have wanted to throw and smash and kick things too. But I don't. I punch pillows instead. That way I don't break my stuff or hurt anyone or do something I will regret or that will land me in jail or in the hospital. You can try to channel your outbursts and have a bunch of pillows that you can kick and punch and throw. That works well for me.

I am prone to trantums.

I'm not violent against people during a meltdown generally (I've been violent towards people only a few times), I generally just scream and punch and kick things.

Wish that would work well for me too.
Only the feel/sound of something actually smashing/breaking or some physical pain (mine) feels cathartic. Pillows just make me angrier LOL