Melt downs: causes/downsides/"symptoms" etc

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So I think I've had meltdowns before and it's resulted in me doing some things that harm my social life (nothing "out there" like confronting people or having a tantrum or something.. just kinda backing off in a huge way) and it has effected other aspects of my life too.

I'm curious if this is what others do when they melt down and if so what are the behaviours they indulge in (for want of better words) and is your life somehow effected by this. Especially, does this sound like a familiar story? Are there patterns in your behaviour that you notice after/during meltdown? Have you found a way to prevent it? Maybe realised what was about to happen and self-intervened?

Thanks for reading

My understanding from both personal experience and reading up on the subject, is that meltdowns occur when you're expectations are not met in reality.
Depending on your stress level, and on your patience it could be one single event, a series of events which cumulatively build up your stress, or if you're tired or otherwise susceptible just something that sets you off.

The only way to avoid a public meltdown is to get the hell out of there, or to find somewhere you can go to let off some steam.
You may literally have to walk out, or go for a run, or throw something.

I don't have too many friends and the ones that I do have, haven't seen my meltdowns, only my family and my wife have seen them.
Now that we have an understanding of what they are and why they occur it makes it easier, as from the point of view of the observer it can look like a reaction to another person or their comments, when really it's just a trigger goes off as a reaction to an event or something that is said.
There's not quick and easy solution to it, you just need to learn to accept it and work out what method works for you.

Would an example of that be when something "bad" happens in a social situation or your social life has suddenly turned really bad?

I'm kinda trying to get/understand this issue.. as far as I know I don't have outward signs of it that are odd to others but generally I can kindof hole myself up and neglect responsibilities like attending college or work (when I had a job). I'm also wonderig if maybe my family would have noticed me being unusual when this happens (I asked but they don't seem to remember anything in that context).

The trigger could be anything or any series of events that don't meet your expectations, so far as a full blown meltdown, it's not really something you can miss; it's an uncontrollable, or almost uncontrollable outburst of frustration that could see you getting violent, throwing things, shouting, kicking at inanimate objects or worse.
You can sometimes feel them coming and brace yourself, and go away to have your meltdown in private, but a real meltdown is not something others would see and not consider to be an issue.
At best they'd think you have anger management issues, at worst it could see you put in a psych ward.

You could have difficulties interaction in social situations, and that could be a symptom of ASD, but that's entirely a different thing to a meltdown.
Think of a meltdown as like a child's tantrum, only it's something that when you grow up you don't grow out of.
I have destroyed guitars, CD's LP's, tapes, items of furniture, MP3's, mobile phones, punched walls, smashed bottles you name it. It's something I'm not proud of and something that when I "snap out of it" I am ashamed of myself and wonder why I would do, but it still happens.

It's not the sort of thing I discuss outside this forum, other than with my wife, who has to live with me and understand what it's all about if our marriage is to survive.

Thanks for the reply.

I think I might have done things like this just not necessarily where people can see it.

So by definition it's tantrum like or involves an outburst, or can it be non physical?



I guess this is kind of personal for anyone. But just for future reference.. is this a taboo subject amongst aspies/auties?

I prefer the word 'tantrum' because 'meltdown' makes me think of a melting nuclear reactor and volcano in my literal mind .

I mainly have them in private now, but I can feel the pressure building until I get to a safe place where I can let rip. I throw things, pull my hair, shout, scream, stamp my feet. Usually a sudden change or intrusion sets them off, particularly when I can't escape from the situation. I behave like a two year old child during a tantrum.

I think meltdowns can vary by person. I work with kids on the spectrum so besides my own and other adults I know who have ASD, I've seen a few. In my work I do refer to them as meltdowns rather than tantrums so parents understand that there is a difference. A tantrum is a behavior kids use to manipulate adults to get their way and because he outward behaviors in a child's meltdown and in some adult meltdown appear identical to a tantrum, it can be easy for parents or people near the child/adult having the meltdown to get upset with the person and punish them for behavior that is neuro psychologically based and beyond the person's immediate control because they either haven't learned coping skills, were denied access to their coping strategies or were triggered so instantly that they didn't feel it coming on and couldn't recognize an imminent meltdown and so coping skills or not the meltdown was inevitable.

I would say that in my opinion many things could trigger meltdown and yes things not going as expected is a very common one with those of us on the spectrum. But there could be other triggers like change in routine, buildup of stress, having to process multiple complex demands or new tasks, new social situations, romantic feelings etc. It depends on he person.

I don't have as many full blown meltdowns as I did when I was younger but I do have them. I end to shut down first, even from myself so then at that point if I can't get alone time or if demands on me are increased or stay at the same intensity level, I will probably lash out. At that point if I can't get alone time and the person gets upset with me I will go into full blow meltdown or panic attack which I would call an inward meltdown as opposed to an outward meltdown where I scream, slam doors, throw things and hit myself in the face.

I think neurologically speaking meltdowns are when the autistic brain goes into extreme overload and cannot process anymore input. For lack of a better description its like a computer freezing or crashing depending on the severity.

I hope that helps.

It's not the same as a tantrum. A tantrum is just a form of attention whoring. A meltdown is... worse than that.
Before I ever read up about it on the internet, I used to call it "berserking" lol. You can compare it to that.


I think the causes, symptoms, etc. may be different for each person, but here are mine at least.
The cause is always very simple: uncontrollable irritation. If I get irritated by something (even if the source doesn't deliberately want to provoke me), I will express no emotions, but within me, a sorta "buffer" will begin filling up. I will then take steps to deal with the situation rationally: leave the room, ask the source to stop it, etc... that ought to be the warning sign.
Unfortunately though that doesn't always work. If I get uncontrollably irritated like that, I'll just sit still as the buffer quietly fills up. Once it's filled up completely, it takes but 1 more small trigger and you'll see me explode in rage. I could describe in detail some examples of what happened after that, but... eh I guess that's not the point of this thread. But it's not very pretty at all.

I've had quite a few of these in my life, especially during adolescence, and the vast majority of those happened in the prison called secondary school. Nowadays, if I get irritated by something in school, which happens rarely because the classmates are of course mature now, I can always just leave class freely without consequences.

Other occasions include that one time when a family party thing was going on downstairs as I just minded my own business in my room, and some kids came in unauthorized and began to play in my room, open all my drawers and check out my stuff. This one had a rather severe trigger, being that one of the kids accidentally made my kind of rickety book case fall. I quickly rushed out of my room cause I didn't want the kids to get hurt, and instead I wrecked the bathroom... heh

Again, nowadays in my adulthood it's extremely rare and not by far so severe. Worst thing that happened is that I shoved the food off of my plate at the dinner table once.

Last edited by ParaSait on 23 Jul 2013, 10:47 am, edited 1 time in total.

This is an excellent post and it has helped me understand more about why I meltdown. Thank you for posting it.

I tend to find a place private because I am embarrassed by how I have meltdowns and also because I have had other people tell me they don't like it and it bothers them or I am affecting them in a negative way or because they don't understand and it freaks them out or scares them. And people don't know what to do when you have one so it's hard for them. I am also insecure about who might see me when I have one because I need to feel like I am safe because I am so vulnerable when I am in that state. It's almost like I am defenseless and anyone can come in and hurt me when my brain goes there. Sometimes they tell me that I am just being immature and just having a temper tantrum and that I need to just stop it. But most of the time I can't just stop it even though I might want to. And it's usually never a temper tantrum. As far as I know in my own understanding, they have always been from a feeling of overwhelmedness and information or emotional overload especially if I get really scared or insecure but never as a means of manipulation. I don't think I have ever had a temper tantrum type of meltdown.

Sometimes if I have a meltdown where I am frustrated or angry I bang my head really hard with my hands and sometimes even on the wall. These are usually from a perception of being attacked or when my brain perceives something like someone is just pushing my buttons and won't stop. I accidentally and unintentionally got a concussion once when I had a meltdown at school and hit my head on a glass wall. Head banging hurts but it also calms me down a lot. It kind of changes the pain from an emotional one to a physical one and that is much easier to process and handle and deal with and overcome. I don't like the physical pain and it can sometimes be a little risky but the emotional pain is so much greater and so much more difficult to process and overcome that the physical pain dissipates it and then it's easier to deal with.

When I get really scared or confused and scared I cry like a toddler. I have a little stuffed animal that I hold too and it acts like a binky and calms me down. Sometimes when I get very overwhelmed I can also zone out. I kind of just go into a blank stare kind of blank out mode and kind of shut down because I just can't take in anymore input. When I get like a toddler or when I zone out, sometimes one of my family members will talk to me or hug me and that particular family member is the only one who can reach me and help me through those and that is really great and it always helps. Otherwise I just have to ride them out and let them run their courses and when my brain is ready to reset it does.

Sometimes I can control it if I can tune out the sensory input in time or if I am getting an overload when I am driving or something I can sometimes keep myself from going off by taking really deep breaths. But that is hard because the stress still accumulates and then eventually it might catch up to me but sometimes it dissipates especially if something else happens that is really fun or that can make me focus on something I like. Sometimes I can control it by focusing and fixating on something with great details like a photograph or a painting or even the pattern of bark on a tree or the colors of the grass. This will give me a little time to not melt down right away like if I am in public. Usually the cause of the meltdown doesn't just go away though and once I am in a safe place it comes out again usually in an uncontrollable toddler type of crying. But if the input is just too much or too overwhelming or if it comes too fast or unexpectedly I can't stop it. If it's too much and I am driving sometimes I have to pull over and cry in the car.

I was just reading another thread about melt downs and I read some things that are like what I have. Some posters said that their heads feel like they are going to explode when there is too much input. I get that too.

But I wanted to add to this post because I was thinking about something earlier and I started crying. Sometimes I can seem like I just cry spontaneously for no reason but what happens is that my thoughts are not always linear. I don't have a fluid time continuum so sometimes it will take me days or months or years to even complete a thought or a sentence. And sometimes things from the past even fears or worries about future things come as if they are current and fresh so I can respond emotionally to them as if they were just happening. And sometimes many come very close together and can seem to be about totally unrelated events. Or I can respond to an incident long after the fact. And sometimes if I am talking to someone they might say something that can trigger a whole slew of emotions or of confusion because that can come rushing in and overwhelm me.

I thought about this because I had a recent conversation where everything was fine and then the person said one thing and it brought up a huge barrel of very scary thoughts and emotions that was so overwhelming to me that I was not able to process it. Fortunately there was a beautiful photograph with enough details in it nearby that I was able to fixate on it so I was able to control my meltdown so that I would not freak the person out. But later in private it hit me full force and I cried uncontrollably for a very long time and it took me many days to work through it.

Last edited by skibum on 23 Jul 2013, 5:44 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Thanks for the replies

That kind of makes sense now from the perspective that it's not a clear cut issue.

It's definitely a very individual thing and can really vary depending on energy levels and all kinds of factors. But it's a part of who we are and we do our best to handle it..

Yeah I'm gonna have to keep my eye out for this in the future so I can try to find some way too

If it's hard for you I am sure all of us here will be happy to help you.

Very interesting thread. I have meltdowns regularly. I don't generally break things. I do yell at people a lot and become impossibly stubborn and simply refuse to cooperate. Consequences such as loss of job and income etc become completely irrelevant in my mind and terminating the cause of the anxiety and stress is all that matters.

I would characterise a meltdown as a reaction that is completely out of proportion (to all witnesses) to the original cause or appears to have no specific cause. Generally, the meltdowns become the primary problem; the original cause is a secondary issue. My meltdowns generally require me to completely restructure my approach to the situation or issue and not to attempt to carry on with business as usual. As such, meltdowns appear to act as a melting fuse that breaks the circuit and stops system overload and prevents a return to the set of circumstances that gave rise to the system overload. Meltdowns suggest to me that normal processes of stress release and management have not occurred or have malfunctioned and the meltdown is the only way to prevent some far worse psychological response.

Thanks nice to know there is good community spirit. So far it's been a case of getting perspective prior to diagnosis (which I think would be useful at that time too) and I'm pretty grateful for that.

The issue for me is going completely off the radar (meaning I leave no way for contact) because of *insert situation here* and I believe I've done that once too often and offended a few people I care about who would otherwise be my friends.

Yeah, that's hard. I have friends that did that to me and it really hurts and I am sure I have done it too but I think that if you let let people know in advance that that is something that is a struggle for you at least they won't be caught off guard and it might be okay because they know that you are not doing it to hurt them but because it really is a struggle for you. And if they understand they will be able help you and not feel abandoned because they know that it's not that you don't want to be their friend but that it's just a way you get overwhelmed. But that is really hard and it's hard to understand as well. But if they really understand that it's just a coping thing then they will be there for you and you will be able to come back to them. That's what I would do anyway. I have some friends that have just disappeared from my life and the hardest is not knowing why because we used to be so close. I think it has to do with my peculiarities. It's easy for people to not notice because I am really high functioning but sometimes especially if people are close to me I can get a little weird and the intensity and duration of the weirdness can vary depending on what I am trying to deal with. So it's possible that I just got too weird for them. One friend actually told me that and asked to end the friendship. Of course I did out of respect for their wishes but it still hurt because I feel like people aren't very compassionate when they do that.

But it's okay to tell people that you may need to be out of contact for awhile if that is what you need to get through something. I think that we have to be able to help people understand what we need because they can't just figure us out and if we can do that it will make it easier to keep our friends. But it is hard for people. Someone told me the other day that I am high functioning that he forgets that I have these issues and sometimes I will do something weird and it catches him off guard and then he reacts wrong because he forgets that I am not "normal". But I think that people will be your friend if you can help them understand how you feel and what you need. And that's hard to do sometimes too but if they really care about you they will try to understand and be there.

But no one on this forum will treat you badly or misunderstand if you have to do that. It's just part of your coping mechanism.