Need some help dealing with people asap

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My parents friends are coming over in a half hour and they are lovely people, we've known them for a while but I really really don't feel capable of faking happiness + trying to socialise normally right now and i really don't know what to do.

Any tips for being social when you really feel like you can't?

You could hide in your room and read or something. If they call you out, just say hi and try to return to your room ASAP before they start conversing with you. It's what I do. If your mum asks why you did that later, just tell her you didn't feel like socializing then.

I just looked at the clock. Hope it's not too late. I am a day behind you here. But I would let your parents know ahead of time that you are not comfortable with socializing. Hopefully your parents are understanding and will let you stay in your room and read or relax. I might just say hello to the friends and then politely say please excuse me I need to study or I'm feeling a little under the weather so I am going to rest or something like that. But I think if you work it out with your parents before the friends get there that would be best.

I just noticed that was your first post. Welcome to WP, we are glad you are here.

thank you for your replies they did help me! I did have to go see them for a bit but dealt with that the usual way... talking a lot about space (and probably boring them)

also thank you skibum; i have actually only just recently discovered the possibility of aspergers after reading about adult female characteristics and realising they applied to me, then talking to a councellor who couldn't officially diagnose but agreed it sounded plausible. Very scary to discover something like this at 17 but websites like this are very helpful + people seem friendly

I find that in a situation where the social interaction isn't dependent on you there is a lot more freedom. I used to feel like you just had to sit there the whole time and be pleasant and try to smile, laugh at jokes, etc. when in fact some instances you really don't have to.

Since no one is coming to spend time with you specifically and in this case it is your parents and in your own home. It's completely fine to excuse yourself and say go to your room. You can stay at first and do a little socializing though. If you notice a point when you are not in the conversation you could probably get up and go without anyone paying too much mind. If you feel just getting up and going is too rude, just politely excuse yourself.

I also find getting into one of your particular interests before the people arrive, coming to socialize for a bit when they do arrive, then politely excusing yourself to get back to it works too.

I also find that if you are not the center of attention, having an electronic device like a smart phone, ipad, gaming device that you could pull out and play with when conversation your way lulls or even stops is a good distraction for you. It's better than just sitting there and trying to make an appearance. Nowadays, I notice a lot of people doing that. Conversation lulls so they pull out their phone and go on facebook or something until the conversation picks up again or whatever.

to jasper1: thank you! i think that will be helpful in the future, especially the bit about interaction not being dependent on me. Unfortunately (and annoyingly) for me despite having difficulties/not liking talking to groups of people I also really really don't like when conversations lull into silence as it makes me uncomfortable, so I fill the silence, but the thing I always fill the silences with at that point are my special interests; space, books, sci fi, art etc. not things that other people can add to a lot of the time, so I end up practically monologuing... oops.

But yeah the fact that I can leave is something I should try to remember!

I think it would be fine next time to just say "hello, nice to see you" and then excuse yourself. Say you have homework, if you want, but you probably don't need to give a reason. Most likely the adults* would rather spend time together, anyway. If they had someone your age coming with them, you might be expected to entertain the other teen.

But these are your parents' friends, so, all that's really expected is a polite hello.

If it's a party or game night and you're expected to join in, you can still excuse yourself to the bathroom if nothing else, sometimes during the event, when you need to chill. At least you can be alone there.

As far as conversation, if you feel you're required to converse, probably say two or three things on a given topic, and then let them take over. Or say one thing and if they don't ask a question, let them take over. If you get no response they're probably not interested in it. (Or they just want to do or talk about something else more.) Boring someone isn't the worst thing in the world, though. It's more about giving them a chance to talk too.


* I realize at 17 you're nearly of legal adult age but, I mean 'the olds' really.

Another tip I am using myself: I have observed that "normal" people in general likes very much to talk about them self. Just keep asking questions about them. As long as you appear to be interested in them they will normally just keep talking. Just put in some " Oh, I didn`t know that", " wow", "tell me more please" where that is ok.

Lucky people! What is more thrilling and stimulating than the cosmos? If they did not appreciate your enthusiasm for your interest, it's their loss.

I really agree with Popsicle and Mccoolhill about using stock phrases to invite them to speak about what they find interesting (themselves, generally)--If the topic is not something interesting, like space, you can say something to acknowledge the topic and then ask them their views. Most people will take the opportunity and appreciate your having made it for them.

There was a joke about this in a film that I often think of: "But enough about me! What do YOU think about me?"

^This^
Don't push yourself to be the director of the conversation. Just throw in tidbits here and there so that you're participating; but remember that the interaction is not dependent on you.

Glad it went well! And, for the record, I would *not* be bored by talk about space.

Thank you, you are all very helpful and i feel like Operation: let the NT's talk is a good idea! And I'm glad some of you like space too- I feel like my dad is the only one who understands my special interests

It is so cool that your dad understands your special interest. That can be very bonding for you. Some of my most bonding times with my dad were doing sports together that we both loved.