do nt's notice that i look at their mouth when they speak

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and do they think it is rude that i don't make eye contact when i am listening to them. i have heard from aspies(on a forum) that you need too make eye contact but no NT has ever told me to look them in the eye so why should i bother trying when it doesn't seem to bother them. does it bother you when people don't make eye contact if so why.

In my experience, most NT's aren't observant enough to notice if you're looking in their eye, their nose, their mouth, or at their hair, but so long as you look at their face once in a while when talking to them, they think you're "normal" - whatever that is.
I usually manage to do a few peeks at the eye, but not for any extended period.
The only time I look anyone in the eye for a great length of time is when I'm with my wife, at home, in private, and even then usually not outside the bedroom.
Looking at anyone in the eye for more than about 2 seconds feels a bit contrived and like you're invading their space so I avoid doing it, to reduce any discomfort for myself and others.
Mind you 2 seconds seems an eternity if you actually time it.

I notice it when people look at my mouth when I'm speaking.

Within the NT World, of course everyone is different, but from my experience usually what happens in conversations is that the 'listener' is either
- looking at my eyes, which makes me feel they are 'with' me in the converstation
- or they glance downwards, or to the ceiling or the wall behind me, which makes me feel like they are really thinking about what's being said.

There is someone I know that looks at my mouth when I'm speaking to them. For me it just feels awkward; it feels to me like that person is distracted by my mouth, rather than focusing on what I'm saying ( and of course the irony is that they are looking at my mouth to actually help themselves follow what I'm saying). Sometimes when I'm saying something, I'm also thinking "is that person distracted by some piece of food or something that's stuck on my lips ; do I need to wipe some chocolate off my mouth or something?. Is that person actually listening to what I'm saying? ... etc".

But that's my own problem, not yours

If you look at people's mouths because if it helps you to understand and deal with conversation that way, then you are doing the right thing for yourself. Don't worry about it.

Maybe you don't make it so obvious or maybe they don't want to say anything about it. Impossible to say without seeing it happen really, or asking each one of them.

Personally, if someone looked at my mouth non stop I'd wonder if I had spinach on my teeth or something.

I feel more assured someone is listening if they look at my eyes every so often if I'm speaking to them.

If you find eye contact uncomfortable, try looking at that general region of the face, or forehead.

thanks for the answers it was helpful

Very welcome.

I look at peoples' foreheads when I talk to them. If they notice that they don't seem to notice.
I used to let my eyes drift where ever while I was talking to the and a number of people (female) thought I was looking at their chest (I suppose that's where my eyes were pointing, but it wasn't (always) because I was looking). It's interesting that they noticed that, though, and not when I look at their forehead or over their shoulder or what have you...

My little sister, who I have grown up with for the last nineteen years, is an Aspie and recently surprised everyone in my family (myself included) by revealing that she doesn't actually look any of us in the eyes. Instead she just looks at our foreheads/eyebrows, noses, or mouths (it apparently varies, although she does forehead/eyebrows most frequently). We never noticed, didn't even have the slightest clue.

After I told her about your post, the two of us did a mini experiment where she looked at me in the eyes, nose, and mouth. I was able to tell when she was looking me directly in the eyes and when she didn't...but it was difficult and I couldn't tell exactly which facial feature she was looking at. Interestingly, when we reversed the experiment and I was looking at her mouth, she thought I was looking at her eyebrows (I didn't look her directly in the eyes because it made her too uncomfortable).

The combined facts that I never noticed she didn't look me in the eyes over the years and the results of our experiment seem to imply that, when given warning and a specific setting that it's being tested in, NTs (okay, I'm more BAP, but I have no eye contact issues) can tell if you're looking them directly in the eyes or elsewhere. But without warning (as I said, my family, which includes some true NTs, had no idea she didn't look us in the eyes and she's been doing this her whole life) you really can't tell.

I don't think so, unless up really close. My cousin is deaf and reads lips, AKA always watching the mouth, and I've never noticed. My mother used to hold my jaw so that I could only look her in the eyes during arguments. That is where I learned the trick of looking at eyebrows, eye lashes, hair on the nose, even the muscles in the iris part of the eye. After a while she couldn't tell I was not looking her in the eyes and quit holding my jaw.

I did the experiment on my dad the other night. I looked at his mouth, eyes, nose, and fore head when he was talking to me and I asked him if he thought I was looking at his eyes the whole time and he said "yeah, why?"... So, there's your answer.

Autistic babies spend most of their time looking at the mouth than "normal" babies that spend most of their time looking at the eyes. Perhaps the way they experience this body language, mistakenly as shy, or introverted or even as lying.

I posted a youtube clip before about this somewhere on this forum.

My dad was the only person that had an issue with me not looking him in the eyes when he talked to me. Maybe people don't have an issue with it any more or just don't care today?