Any suggestions on how to handle touch?

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Having recently self discovering that I'm on the spectrum, I am learning all sorts of stuff about myself.

My most recent discovery about myself is the human touch. This wasn't so much of a discovery as much of a, "What do you mean you didn't know?" moment. My family and other people close to me were surprised that I did not know I hate people touching me. They all tell me I recoil from any touch unless I am expecting it.

Since this revelation, I have started paying attention more. I can have a 10 pound weight laying on my belly and a finger touching my chest, and I won't notice the weight. I don't understand why my pet cat can jump on my lap I'm happy, but if my wife touches me unprepared I jump away.

OK, now that I've explained my surprise, does anybody have any suggestions on how to deal with the human touch?

Have you tried eating lentils?

If that doesn't work you could always just invest conscious effort into not being so jumpy.

How do lentils work? What is it about them that helps?

I just have to tell people. I say please don't breathe on me. That is my biggest thing, when people breathe on me. I can't tolerate that at all. There are people who repulse me when they touch me as well, I can't tolerate their skin. I just try not to touch them and only for very brief moments if I have to. Then I usually have to press the part of my body that touched them really hard and that seems to help.

Last edited by skibum on 06 Aug 2013, 8:26 am, edited 1 time in total.

You can't change who you are.

I don't care for it, either. I will usually try to ignore it if someone touches me, or puts their hand on my shoulder momentarily - fake, pushy, lying salesmen types seem to think shoulder grasping is some sort of gesture of solidarity, but it just makes me despise them - and hope it doesn't last more than a few seconds. If it does, then I will quietly move away from it and back up to regain my own space and establish a boundary.

Strangers touching me, or anybody touching me unexpectedly sends my nervous system into 'fight or flight' mode. My gut reaction is to jerk away and wipe their greasy touch off me, but I think most people would consider that rude. I consider touching people rude. I won't even kiss a lover for the first time without asking if its okay first (of course that's also partly because I don't trust myself to read signals correctly and I can't know for sure unless I ask). Nothing more humiliating than going in for the kiss and hearing "Woah - no, what are you doing?"

I had a close female friend years ago who was a 'hugger' - she couldn't enter a room without hugging everybody she knew hello - that was disconcerting and weird at first, but I got used to it, since I knew to expect it from her. I still don't get hugging as a greeting. Its far too intimate to be used so casually.

Boiled lentils when taken as a suppository will actually relieve most of the symptoms of AS. However I can tell you from experience that you must wait for them to cool before trying this.

    Yes, actually I do but it's pretty unconventional, though it is safe, easy, and gentle.
    It probably sounds pretty voodoo dorky but you can adjust your brain so that it can handle surprises like that faster than you can think, completely stopping the 'shock'.

    My primary life goals are NOT internet therapy but doing this is easy for me so I'll do it for you for free.
    If you're kinda serious and not just complaining. =)
    I can't type it all here, it's not much but it'd bore the masses to tears.

    You can PM me or you can check StabilizingAutism/unsolicited-advice.

    Otherwise I'd suggest a good suit of medieval armor to sleep in, maybe even electrify it so people will learn not to be so damn handsy all the time. =)

That's me exactly. I had to ask my wife for permission each step of the way during our first intimate night together.

HarHarHar, this is funny, I laughed.

I think that shows a lot of respect as well and I think people really appreciate that sort of thing. I know I would.

Wow, are you serious? Because that is very interesting. Do you know why it works? Do you do it? I am a bit confused because in your first post you said to eat them and here you say to use the other end.

It's pretty common to prefer firm pressure as opposed to light touch.

As for what to do about it, well, you could try getting a feather and tickling yourself on a regular basis to desensitize yourself.

    THIS IS A JOKE!
    And it was kinda funny.

    It probably relates to the issue that some people seriously believe that Autism can be "cured" by eating "organic" food.
    A completely ret*d assertion in my opinion, might as well say the same thing to amputees and dead people.

    Please, please, PLEASE! Do NOT put hot lentils up your butt!
    In fact, I'd recommend not putting luke-warm lentils up your butt.

    And most especially not cold ones. eeeww.
    Not even in hot weather.

laughing out loud,glad 1401b explained it,this being...well,WP;can imagine people actualy trying it.

OP,
have a look for local sensory integration therapists that work with adults-these will be able to help with getting used to touch gradualy, however its possible to do this without seeing a SI therapist, there are specialist stores that sell proper sensory integration equipment, if have got a lot of cash there is some amazing stuff available.
the only american SI equipment store am aware of is TFH as have used their UK store for equipment before and can vouch for them-
http://www.specialneedstoys.com/usa/

if hard pressure is ok,ask her to touch with a hard/firm press, and not to do it suddenly without being aware of her there.
the more its done and the longer it goes on,the easier it will get but it will take time.

Thank you for letting me know it was a joke. I don't always get jokes. A lot of times I do but not always. At least not right away anyway. My favorite joke on the joke thread was, "How do you get an Aspie to laugh at a joke on Saturday?
Tell it to her on Tuesday!" That would be me a lot of the time!

OP, it seems from what you're saying that your family knows you hate unexpected touch but continues to touch you unexpectedly. That seems pretty inconsiderate to me.
My solution would be to get them to stop doing that. If asking politely doesn't work, I find that lashing out with fingernails bared is very effective.