My reflection in the pages...

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Hello,

Let me introduce myself.

I'm a 29 year old father of 4. My oldest son is diagnosed ADHD and my second son was diagnosed PDD-NOS, has very limited speech and is prone to tantrums and violence. I was diagnosed ADD 3 years ago when I was suffering from depression.

I tend to shift from one obsession to another with great frequency(3-8 times a year), usually with catastrophic results. I've tried most of my life to straighten out and think ahead and while I'm holding down a good job that I don't hate I just can't keep my world upright for any sustained period of time.

On to my problem...
A few weeks ago I was reading Slashdot and I spotted an article about Autism and Imunization shots. I've read this trash before but for some reason it fliped my switch. I spent the next 4 hours scanning everything I could find on the subject until I had proven to myself that there isn't any real evidence.

The next day I was at the book store picking up books on autism and ADD. My switch is fliped and my hunger for information was picking at the back of my mind all day. After reading a few books from Thom Hartmann that I couldn't really relate to. I started reading Thinking in Pictures by Temple Grandin. I bought this book with the hope of finding insights that could help me with my 7 year old boy. What I read shocked me, infuriated me, and brought me to tears. I no longer need a book to understand my little boy. I just need a mirror.

I spent the next few days highlighting every passage of the book that delt with my son, myself, and my family. Many of the problems that led to my ADD diagnosis were symptoms of lateral thought and sensory overloads. I was outraged! How is it possible? How did I get to be a month away from 30 before I made these connections? Why didn't someone see this when I was young? Where the hell were my parents, teachers, and doctors?

Well, I then did what any other self absorbed, self obsesed and angry man would do..... I drove to my mothers house. Now equiped with abundant knowledge and indisputable evidence(very colorfully highlighted evidence!) I was determined to prove to my mother just how miserably she had failed her only son!
.....
Now my memories of life before 10 consist of a few photos I was shown and a few memories that fall into place when reminded by my sister. At least I think they're memories I might just be vividly imagining her stories. I basically know what I've been told.

I recieved a few more memories that night. My mom wasn't very much help with information. Her memories of my early childhood were fuzzier than mine(she had a nervous breakdownwhen I was 9). She did remember taking me to a doctor after my school expressed concern with my learning. Who that doctor was and what he had to say she doesn't remember. She does remember my father ranting about him being a quack.

I left my mother's house that night with little useful information, a full belly and plenty of guilt. Mom's are good like that.

A few days ago I went to see my neurologist. I questioned him rigorously about ADD, Aspergers and Autism. I went into his office confident that I had Aspergers and was misdiagnosed with ADD.
We talked for more than an hour and he showed me many books by well know Ph.D.s with the word COMORBIDITIES on them. The good doctor told me that I couldn't possibly have Autistic Spectrum disorders because people who have Autism have no Imagination.

I told him that Bill Gates was diagnosed with Aspergers. He told me I was wrong. I asked him about sensory overloads and he told me he had his doubts about these sensory overload claims. Why is these people can do things they enjoy for hours without these problems he asked me. I left his office that day carrying a bag full a pamphlets and photocopies of book chapters, all stating that all of the symptoms I had misinterpreted as Aspergers were in reality Attention-Deficit disorders and Comorbidities and all of them sponsored by diferent pharmacutical companies. It makes sense in a really backward sort of way, they can't sell Aderall for Aspergers.

I really don't know what to believe anymore. The doctor I trusted most was not willing to give my hypothesis much thought. He's got the Yale degrees and years of practice, all I've got is the problems.

Well that's all I've got for right now. Thanks for giving me an outlet to vent.

Do you know my mom? Exactly the reason I have never even broached the subject of AS with her.

Hi, I'm Cindy, 42yo mom of five. My 11yo son and myself are aspies. My 22yo daughter has "shadow traits," but this she vehemently denies. My 14yo daughter has a clinical dx of mild Williams Syndrome ("autism-related" disorder). I also have a 20yo NT son, a 7yo NT son, and a 43yo NT son, er, I mean husband.

Pleased to meet you!



Bull sh**. I have my degree in English Language and Literature, summa cum laude, with a concentration in writing. I have plenty of imagination.



Believe your heart! You know yourself better than any doctor ever will.
I also have no official dx.
Again, welcome!

The doctor sounds like a sellout to me. You could always have ADD and AS, the doctor might agree with that (so he could shove pills down your throat and get paid for it). Sorry, I'm a but cynical torwards sellouts, and your doctor sounds like one. Da*n pharmacutical companies, getting in the way of real doctoring.

On another note, your doctor was right about Bill Gates, he's not diagnosed, but a lot of people suspect he's AS.

The 'no imagination' thing is rubbish, I have an over active imagination. I don't know why that is still associated with autism.

That's been known to be false for some time, he ought to read updated information.



Because being focused on one familiar thing is not anywhere near as overloading as doing something else. Often people focus on one thing because everything is overloading, or are overloaded because they can only focus on one thing at a time.



I've had clashes with reknowned autism experts over the basics -- basic, simple information that anyone should know about autism, and they didn't have it. And these aren't just people from Yale, they're actually respected in the autism field in particular.

I ended up writing this:

http://www.autistics.org/library/autexpert.html

I've been autistic for nearly 25 years, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I am on absolutely intimate terms with the way my mind works. I get very frustrated by the absolute arrogance of medical professionals who think that after examining me or anyone else, that they know more about us than we do because they've read some books.

Granted, reading about autism helps, and knowing a wide variety of autistic people helps, because there's not just one manifestation of autism. But getting a degree in something, or even living with someone who has a condition, doesn't mean you understand someone with the condition better than they do themselves.

I was once told by a neurologist that the way I think -- and the way my non-autistic mother thinks, and my father -- is impossible because it doesn't use words. I was further told that it was impossible that I could have memorized enough phrases to reply to his questions. I had. One of my replies to his questions was a long quote straight out of a Jim Sinclair essay. He could have looked it up. He didn't. He just said that degree of memorization was impossible, and that non-verbal thought was also impossible. I think I know a hell of a lot better than he does, what kind of thinking I use. It's my head, not his, no matter what he thinks he knows about the human mind.

There's such a thing as being overeducated to the point ot missing reality.

Hi. Welcome to the board.

It seems that you knew how to act at first, but you didn't quite know how to make yourself a better person when you were young. You probably strived for understandable well-being, and now look at you. A father of three, caring for your kids, making sure they have all that they need.

If I happen not to understand this, please let me know and explain to me why you were so upset.

Welcome to WP!

First off, I think that shrink was mis-informed, or mis-informing you.

We on the spectrum do indeed have imaginations, however ours are more or less based upon "concete" notions.

Second, I was also an victim of an ADHD diagnoses followed by interventions attempts based upon that diagnoses which horribly failed to reform me.

However it should be noted that ADHD and aspergers tend to go hand and hand, that is, someone who get a diagnosed of asperger would also most likely qualify for an ADHD diagnoses also.

Psychologists, despite their claims of being un-biased, are indeed very biased. In the your case, it seems as if the psychologist you went to see was being influenced by pharacutical companies

Shame on them!

I don't understand what you mean here. What is non-verbal thought?
Thanks.

Thinking in pictures. I can't tell you how many times I've had to resort to drawing my thoughts out as a visual representation on a piece of paper to explain something to someone.

Hi and welcome, Cow.

You must be a new member. In regards to your first thought, Thinking in Pictures is the title of a book. I just thought I would let you know that.

Thought without words.

It can be in locations, pictures, colors, sensory impressions, lots of things. My parents for example think in pictures. Some neurologists think all thought needs to be in words, and that people who can think without words are lying.

Even the most brilliant, well educated people can have foolish opinions and erroneos information. And it requires a fair bit of confidence on your part to realize that he is still, just a person, with an opinion and perspective, and that he isnt some all powerful all knowing authority.

Frankly, just do what works. If you think you've got aspergers, and your son has aspergers or some kind of autism, try using teaching techniques designed for auties and aspies. If he learns better. You know who's right.

Well that's really stupid of them.

I find it infuriating that professionals do not consider "family conditions". Your son is diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder and the neurologist tells you that it's impossible for you to have Aspergers? Where does he imagine your son might have gotten his PDD-NOS from?

I think it is irresposible for so much of the psychological community to ignore the family from which the person came. Genes gotta come from somewhere.

My advice to you, keep studying and test your hypothesis to make sure it really fits you and explains more about you than just ADD. As was said earlier, AS and ADHD occur very often together. And if you want to seek a diagnosis after all this, find the people who deal with Autism Spectrum Disorders (especially the high-functioning adults) all the time. That way you can be sure.

And the part about imagination, I am also an English major (and a Psych major), a German language minor, and an unofficial art minor. No imagination my as*. Geeze.

Yeah. I regret sharing that info with my mother b/c when I went to see a pediatriction about AS/PDD my mother had to make the appointment, but shared all her reasons why I "didn't" have any problems. The doctor basically told me I had "Social Anxiety".

I've had really bad anxeity while on ritalen and I know what I experience in conversation is not anxiety.

I even wrote a long, detailed outline of why I thought I had AS/PDD-NOS specifically b/c I have problems physically speaking but she told me that I had SAD after only barely skimming the front page and suggested I see a pschologist and take ssri's right away. I didn't know how to agrue with that so I just went along and left.

*sighs*

IMO, it was predetrimed long before I ever saw the doctor. My mother is in complete denial that I have any socialization problems other than deafness (I communicate well orally) and ignores that I make no effort to communicate with her or even my immediate family.

I can certainly relate to your confusion and despair/upsetness?.

Thanx for all the replies and advice!

I spent a few more hours at the local Barnes & Nobel today and bought a few more books. I'm having a hell of a time keeping out of my head today! I almost was in a car accident because I couldn't concentrate on driving.

-Sophist

My son was diagnosed at CDC section of Rhode Island hospitol/ Hasbro Childrens Hospitol on 9/11. I found out I had ADD a few years later. When I started seeing my doctor he I had him test Hunter(my 7yo w/pdd). His opinion of Hunter at the time was Adhd, with Opositional defiant disorder. Over the past 2 years I've had more than a few opinions from consolers and educators and while they were all diverse no one ever thought he had Adhd. My son doesn't go to my neurologists anymore.

I think the only reason I still see my doc is because i'm discouraged by the task of finding a new one. Ohh! and he also treats my migraines.

-larsenjw92286



Well you see I am a father of four, I love my kids, and I work hard to keep them from wanting. Unfortunately I can't save money to save my life, I can't see any hope of ever buying a house and I'm a horrible dad.

I know my faults. I'm inatentive, moody, and detatched. I can't stand being in the room if any of my kids are crying, screeching, yelling or even laughing too loudly. I'm not reliable and forget everything important! Last weekend I couldn't figure out why my toddler was crying, he was thirsty, I had forgotten give him a drink all day.

I don't want my kids growing up angry and not really knowing me. That's my relationship with my father I REALLY don't want my sons to feel this way.

So I guess the reason I'm so upset is my assumption that if I had the right help when I was young, I would be the father I want to be and not the train wreck I see myself as.

I apologize for my negative attitude today. Somedays it's tuff to see the sun through the clouds but that doesn't mean it isn't still there.

I do have a very loving and understanding wife. It helps ALOT.