Obsessing over your partner & relationship! An Aspie tra

Post Reply New Topic

Hello! Would just like to know if it's possible for an Aspie to make a person his/her special interest/obsession?

I'm in a relationship with an NT who is 6 years older than I am. We have been together for almost a year. I don't know if I'm really in love with him or just really obsessed with him! Before him, my obsessions were anime and Japanese comics. I have a whole shrine (cabinet) dedicated to anime/manga alone, things I've collected since I was six years old. My thoughts would always be about anime; it felt as if anime was my reason for living, and that my purpose was o collect all things anime. Now, that seemed to have quiet down and I don't understand because anime has always been such a huge deal for me.. I think my boyfriend has replaced anime and now he has become my special interest!

I think about him 24/7, I always have to write his name down on paper several times (as I did with anime), I can't sleep because my thoughts always drift back to him. Even after we date and he brings me home, I still follow him around discreetly because I'm afraid he might be seeing someone behind my back. If he doesn't reply to my texts in a minute, I get tantrums. If we don't see each other in a day I get so depressed I refuse to eat, and just lock myself in my room till he comes. I also log in to his Facebook account every day and every night just to see who messages him or what his recent activity was. I get insanely insecure with celebrities he has crushes on, and I get mad at him for it. I also get jealous of anime characters he finds cute! Worst: I get jealous of his sisters and cousins because they have such a close relationship. It makes me mad. When he's out with friends I get depressed and feel as if he is happier spending his time with them than with me! I get mad and have tantrums and we fight about it constantly, especially about his ex girlfriends. I feel very insecure since he's my first ever boyfriend, and I am his fifth girlfriend I get mad at him just thinking about that and would physically harm him (throw chairs at him, scratch him, punch and bite him) and I want to keep him all to myself.

A few months back my mom and my boyfriend had a talk that this relationship wasn't healthy, so we had to break it off, and my boyfriend said he loves me and he'll wait for me till I really am ready to be in a relationship and not just think of him as an obsession. I had a meltdown, and the biggest temper tantrum ever. It lasted for days. I didn't want to let him go, it was hard for me to accept. I was even contemplating suicide, but he came back, and I felt as if I could breathe again.

Wondering if any aspie has experienced something like this?

This might have more to do with the fact that Aspies don't typically connect the same way most NT's do. As a result, and especially if the guy is the only guy friend you have in your life (you don't have other guys you can hang out with as just friends), things get bad. I know that I have gotten pretty bad around girls because I liked them and wanted them to be with me, but I almost always believed they would leave me in a heartbeat. Reason for it is I find women are more inclined to live for the moment and go based off feelings. Whoever gives them the strongest feeling in that moment is the person she reacts to (positively is what I am referring to). I tend to forget that they more often than not want the relationship with guy that brings them comfort when they need it.

I wouldn't say I threw a temper tantrum when my girlfriend broke up with me, but we were really close together and that's what hurt the most.

I guess I still having feelings for her, but I know I shouldn't let those get in the way most of the time when I look at her. She has remained a friend after all. It's kind of normal for anyone to obsess over a relationship.

I do think you were obsessing over him.

I did a very similar thing with a girl just a couple years ago. I had never had a girl friend, never even been on a date, and this one girl I met treated me like a person. I was amaized and thrilled. She would ring me in the middle of the night and say "I need you", and I'd jump in the car and drive to the next town just to keep her company because she was stressing over something.

In my case, it was a very disfunctional relationship. She had a boy friend (who was a complete jerk) and I loved her and obsessed over her. Thankfuly she got me to go to a therapist who turned out to be very good, and exactly what I needed.

So, I've been seeing a therapist for my social awarness, and reading a lot of relationship books. Just to give me some understanding of the whole male<->female relationship thing. It's a big and difficult subject.