Useless Advice

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Ackshuly, most of this useless advice became useful to me, once I became positive about just using it.

"Just breathe." Right, when I'm feeling like this, that's not going to help all that much:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcDFFIuVUS0[/youtube]

I tend to find that it doesn't help me even when I am positive about it.

For example last month I went out most days of the week to visit coastal areas as I do so love to take pictures and videos of the ocean and beaches there. I traveled to great Yarmouth (which I was not very impressed with as it was too tourist orientated and a bit flat...the coast line in Sheringham has much more character), Cromer, Sheringham and even as far as Hunstanton briefly stopping of at Wells by the Sea to change buses. I also walked the coastal path from Sheringham to Cromer and climbed Beeston Bump as well not to mention visiting several museums (I love museums) both in Cromer (where they have a victorian cottage) and Sheringham where they have The Mo (a maritime museum) and spoke to many people, but I have still not made any friends and am still alone when it comes to close relationships in the real world.

I also joined a gym and went swimming, but this has not resulted in my finding a friend yet either.

(Ps one can find footage of the sealife center, its shark tank, the ocean at cromer and sheringham etc on my blogs and facebook page should you be as fascinated as I am right now by the ocean and species of shark etc).

So no, going out and talking to people does not necessarily work when trying to find someone to be friends with. There is obvsiously something else I need to do but I don't really know what that is. Ergo, on its own, just go out and talk to people is not really helpful advice for me.

The same goes for just be yourself. If I am myself I can be almost certain that people will think I am weird. This can however go one of two ways. Either my oddities mystify and amuse people and they like me or they avoid me because they seem to think I am too weird to be sane.

I know people think I am weird as they tell me. Everyone I meet tells me I am either different, odd, strange, unusual, a weird one, eccentric and so on. No one I have met has called me normal but they have asked me if I could try to be more normal please!

So the more myself I am the more people can tend to avoid me, or even bully me, or ostracise me, or reject me. Telling me to be myself is not good advice if I want to make friends lol. People don't really understand me if I am myself. Instead I have to change myself so that fit in with them as otherwise they are not willing to 'tolerate' me and my differences (my quirks, mys sensitivities and my passion for my hobbies). So no, I am not allowed to be myself if I want friends, as myself is not what they consider to be normal. People liking my quirks is rare unfortunately (although it has happened).

Also when it comes to being told to breathe...I get so annoyed at repeatedly being told the obvious that it actually makes things worse when I am already about to overload! I also hate sitting still and just doing boring breathing exercises. I tired it, it annoys me. I relax more when I can move around and burn some energy off. If I feel myself over loading I prefer to get and dance if I can, it seems to work better for me than just breathing especially if I spin or use a swaying motion (moving from side to side from side to side from side to side and so on).

Different things work for different people I guess.

So much bad advice and some of it made my life a living hell, most of it by "experts".....
"Act like everyone else (in Junior High)"

That just made me stand out even more and look like a poseur. The bullies had a field day with this one!

"It's your negative attitude that causes it"

Good ol' New Age BS. Yeah, so when I was a happy child I was secretly sending off negative vibes that caused me to be bullied? F*** you!

"You are lucky to even have a job/home/family etc"

Yeah thanks I feel ten times worse about myself now for being such an ungrateful loser. I was in a cancer ward for a day and knowing that some kids died horrific deaths doesn't exactly make me feel better about myself it makes me even more depressed.

"Talk to the bullies and be their friend. They are hurting inside."

The only way they are hurting is if you punch them back. Let me say it for the millionth time: YOU CANNOT REASON WITH A BULLY. YOU CANNOT EMPATHIZE WITH A BULLY. THEY SIMPLY DON'T CARE! It took me years to realize bullies ENJOY causing pain and suffering.

and the one that angers me the most. I heard this from parents, counselors, employers, everyone.
"Your dream (being an excavator operator) is silly. That's for dropouts and failures. You are very intelligent and the future is in e-commerce."

Following that advice practically ruined my life and my financial independence! Those same "failures" are making twice my income right now while I'm royally f***ed if current trends continue doing a job I'm unhappy at.

Last edited by GiantHockeyFan on 30 Sep 2013, 8:25 am, edited 1 time in total.

Definately "Be yourself".

If I had hidden "myself" throughout school, it might not have been so hellish.

If anyone said "Be yourself" to me, I think I'd be a bit confused.

What does that even mean?

Who else are you supposed to be?

NTs are worthless and the most annoying things about any Meltdown if they would actually take the time to understand it. Its a clash between logical and emotional parts of our brains don't try to feed us logical ideas like just breath or think positive. You will only make us pissed we know these things.

USELESS advice. That and the wonderful platitude of "It will all work out in the end"

"you need to build relationships with these people" lol

Giant Hockey Fan, you just gave me a good laugh. I misread your post and at first I thought your dream was to be an elevator operator. That is just as noble a job as any other but when I reread your post and read it correctly it made me laugh. Two VERY different professions! I can't imagine why anyone would think it is silly to be an excavator operator. You have to know a whole lot about a whole lot to do that well.

You wanna REALLY laugh? Do you know what one of my obsessive interests that I've always had my entire life? Escalators! I kid you not I also wanted to be an escalator mechanic. Unfortunately, the city I grew up in had exactly 16 escalators (and the entire province had 19) so not exactly New York or Toronto. I'm not kidding when I discovered one downtown building had 4 escalators and it was NOT a mall unlike the rest. It was like discovering a lost city! Sadly I had to give up the obsession a bit when I realized many escalators in my current city are in restricted areas, including an international arrivals area. Still, when I saw the newest escalators just installed at our local mall, it was like being a kid again! I suppose I understand why nobody wants to be around me: when I was in New Brunswick a few years ago I was telling the people I was with that of the (I believe) 16 escalators in the province, 15 are in Saint John and only 1 in Moncton when both cities are around the same size. Apparently nobody else thought that was a important fact to know

To respond to your original point, people thought it was silly because I was very intelligent (not MENSA level like my brother but top 15%-20%) and excavator operators were viewed as the stereotypical lazy, cigarette smoking, cursing, woman howling dirt-bags, which I later learned was FAR from reality. I would have been a great excavator operator and I would have gotten along with everyone too. Oh well!

Every time I leave the house they should give me an Academy Award because I'm always putting on an act. Be myself? I don't think so.

i must be AS because i think that is totally adorable.

It's a shame you did not become an excavator or even an escalator mechanic. I LOVE escalators. I can spend all day running up and down them the opposite way! And I love the ones at the airport that are flat. If I don't get caught that is!
I never knew that excavators were stereotyped. That is a real shame. Hopefully you enjoy what you do now. Is it a coincidence that elevator, excavator and escalator are all almost the same word? Someone needs a write a poem about that!

Did we all have the same givers of advice? Seems that way. lol

Gonna have to chime in with my two favorites: 1. as mentioned, Be Yourself and 2. Think Positively

Sometimes I go to my parents for advice.... not sure why, it usually just ends up confusing me. This is gonna sound strange but I had my Dad tell me that I should pay my Mom money I owe her even though I physically in reality have zero money aside from bills and food, so that she sees I went out of my way to please her and pay her back.... We had a bit of an argument as to why I should fork over my last $20 on earth (my parents are quite well-off) just to prove a point... I thought it was ludicrous. Anyway, I still owe my Mom a small amount of money and as soon as I'm not more than one month behind on all of my bills, she'll get it back. And til then, obviously I can't borrow money and I'm on her "bad side" til I repay my loan.... [seriously I wish relationships were independent of money!]

CBT, if I could call it advice, was pretty useless for me because it's mostly just common sense that I already know. So it was pretty disappointing.

I have very few friends and more than once I was advised to go out and meet people to make friends. That was an absolutely useless piece of advice because going out and meeting people is what has made me fearful of people. Bullying, ridicule, ostracism and abuse are what I get when I go out and meet people.

People often give useless pieces of advice because they have no idea of the actual problem that someone has. They cannot see the problem from the perspective of the person who is having the problem.