Question about friends and messengers/meetings

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I have noticed that I tend to get rages when someone I have come to expect to be online each day, doesn't come online...well, not rage, but it affects me rather badly. The same happens if someone is supposed to be meeting me and they are very late or don't turn up etc.

Does anyone else experience this, and is it a result, I wonder of loneliness or of an changing of routine or what?

I tend to come to depend on the few friends I do make on the net, which can be problematic, and I am wondering if other aspies get this issue, or if it doesn't bother them.

I'm exactly like that. I hurt myself today because I was sad that no one was online.

Almost that. Then I add into a fuming mix questions as to whether I am in the right place, did I expect too much from the other, am I worth the meet anyway, and other self loathing and doubting thoughts.

Then I stew a while and go home and meltdown.

I think it is typical aspie alright. I do not think any of me isn't.

Ok, just that this sort of thing also occurs in borderline personality disorder, so it worries me that it affects me so badly. It is incredibly painful when you have got used to talking to someone nightly and then they don't come on and you are left alone thinking you have been forgotten.

I get it with people who are chronically late in real life. I get unreasonably angry about it and eventually cut them off. I seem to be inflexible about it, but they seem to be inflexible about their chronic lateness.

Online is different for me because you have no idea what that person is doing on the other end. Anything could happen from an unexpected phone call or visit to plumbing bursting. I assume nothing in that case because I have no way to know if they are just being rude or had a reason.

You might want to examine those each time Graelwyn and see if it helps you bring it back into perspective. I think it's just an Aspie thing. The mystery of it is probably adding to the anxiety for you.

With Borderline personality disorder there is also the intense fear of abandonment and also attachments and emotional crisis.

Starbuline - sorry to hear you hurt yourself.

True, but one might say an aspie obsession for a person is an attachment, and the resulting upset when that obsession isn't around, an emotional crisis. Starbuline's reaction to this might be viewed as an emotional crisis... I used to do the same thing when no-one, or the person I had become obsessed with, was not online.

With me though, only the person I have formed an attachment/obsession to, seems to suffice. Any number of other people might message me, and it will not ease the distress.

I so cannot figure it out.

I had a friend online whom I really grew to care about, who would abruptly cut me off for no reason weeks or months at a time... it hurt very badly. But anyway, after going through all that for more than a year, every other social difficulty pales in comparison to what he put me through. I sometimes don't get affected at all by that sort of thing anymore, I'm much tougher and more resiliant than I once was.

I also once had a beloved friend IRL who dumped me and it was devastating.

But oh yes, I once knew that feeling very well!

It makes me want to just keep away from people altogether. Seems, at times, to be less painful to be totally isolated than to get too attached.

It is partly, for me, the feeling of being forgotten and partly, the not knowing if they will be online at all and wanting that familiarity. It can become a large part of your daily life.

I wonder how many of us could truly live as hermits with no human contact whatsoever, either in real life, or on the net.

someone with BPD will have the fears all the time, not necessarily just after a late meeting or lack of contact. I have an acquantaince with BPD and with her the fear of abandonment has destroyed many relationships as she becomes over protective, jealous, demanding, attention seeking etc and puts too much strain and demands on the partner such that her fears become reality.

She assumes from the very start that she will end up alone and will do anything to prevent that happening.

That in my opinion is different from the sense of loss when some one does leave. Everyone aspie or NT will sense a loss be it temporary or permenant. An aspie reaction emotionally to such loss will likely be different and with our difficulties with emotions the effects may well be more distressing than compared to an NT.

I had a similar thing happen to me today and I was totally pissed off at the other person. I'm usually the most non jealous person...sometimes to my detriment.

I think the problem is that I expect life to happen exactly when and how I want it to happen. When that person isn't there in the way I want them to be...can't deal with it sometimes.

Of course if I am off doing my own thing and totally ignore people, that's fine Guess it's just the selfish side of all this - you have to take a step back sometimes....so sick of saying sorry though every time I muck it up and get cranky!

Sigh. This is a great topic. We come here and meet people of like kind and form friendships and we're happy that finally somebody understands us and seems to accept us and then - bam- they disappear. It causes grieving every time.

I go through this too, sometimes it's very subtle. Sometimes I just want to stay away because of the pain it causes. But then, I persist and get over it. Apatura seems to have dealt with it by getting stronger.

For me it's partly theory of mind, of which I have a crappy one. I'm trying to get a handle on this concept, and also trying to learn from past mistakes. Can't think of any lessons at the moment though...

I have an Aspie friend who shares things with me and then gets busy for days and weeks and doesn't even let me know he has received my call/email or whatever. Its hard to know where you stand with such people. My friend stopped replying so I just left it and then he suddenly emailed asking why I hadn't spoken to him for a while Very confusing.

i get annoyed when ppl don't reply to my posts

I apologize if I come off mean, but it seems to be a recurring theme.


I get a little obssessive and impatient if I don't get an answer. I can't stand being ignored.

Me too.