Communication Breakdown.

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I live in supported housing with two very NT people. The carers are very NT as well. I am struggling to communicate with them. Most of the time when I talk, they ignore me or try to enforce small talk / change of topic. My dad said that I ramble a lot about scientific topics that they may not comprehend. He also said that I can be inappropriate.

I don't know what to do as I pathologically cannot do small talk. My world is science, not what was on TV last night.

Is there any way I can get them to understand?

Does anyone else here experience this?

you might try compromise. say i'll listen to 5 min of small talk and try to ask appropriate questions if you try understanding science for 5 min.

Definitely not if they don't care. Don't forget . . . NTs are spoiled and accustomed to having their way about small talk. It's human nature not want to exit the comfort zone.

When I go out with my work friends I'm usually interested about hearing about their families, etc., but sometimes I try to sway the conversation into anything else at all about the bigger world, it never works. I think it's just the group I hang out with, they're just not interested in anything beyond what's in front of them. I'm not bored every minute that I'm with them, but once lunch a month is definitely enough.

I can tell you though, if they're not interested in science, you probably won't get them interested. At least at social gatherings anyway. Sometimes I write papers and ask them read them (about science) and they'll be interested briefly, but at social gatherings, they're only intersected in social talk. It's a good rule to remember to not make them think you don't understand how to behave because that's exactly how they will see it (weirdly).

Don't do this! It's like telling the IRS you'll pay your taxes if they pay your rent. Social rules trump everything, there are no bargaining chips involved. (Unless maybe you are dealing with very close friends who value you enough to want to hear what you have to say.)

one of the reasons i'm a hermit, is that I have such a hard time finding other people I can see eye-to-eye with on anything at all. I live surrounded by dumbth.

I guess there's no point trying to make them interested then. For them, it's all about relationships, church, family, TV etc. So boring.

I have a good friend who also has AS. He really likes my scientific ramblings and always asks questions about them to explore further. My dad has a PhD in Civil Engineering, so I can have good scientific discussions with him. However my dad is trying to "normalise" me so he's not always receptive.

Last night the carer came and all of us (the residents) sat down in the living room with him. I ended up saying "I have to take my medication" and walking out, because they kept ignoring me when I told them about pharmacokinetics (something I've learnt at uni which is pretty exciting: maths and pharmacology combined ).

Shall I just give up on them?

But I cannot stop my scientific rambles, they sort of leak out of my mouth.

These people in the house are the sort of people that have to socialise constantly to prevent themselves from getting bored. Whereas I lock myself in my room for most of the day reading textbooks / online journals.

Yes, there is no point in trying to make them interested in things that the are not interested in.
In this, they are probably very much like you. Has anyone ever managed to 'make you interested' in things which you find dull?


Suppose for a moment that all that twaddle was as interesting to them as pharmacokinetics is to you--the idea of somehow altering that is crazy.

My suggestion would be that instead of trying to change them, you try to work the situation to your best advantage as skillfully as possible.

You have a need to share your scientific passion, but these are not the people for that. Find a community of like minded people--(at university? Online? The pharmacokinetics meetup group?) and share your intellectual pleasures with them.

Learn to make your housemates feel better about you by being polite and considerate. If you limit your small talk to wishing then well and asking about their well being, you will probably transform your relationship with them. Consider the neurochemistry of these interactions. Those bland exchanges are probably releasing all kinds of chemicals in their brains, cementing their bonds and sense of well being as members of a group.

No. Unless you can easily arrange an alternative living situation, you should work to create the best relationship with these people that you can.


This is something you really must try to learn to control. This need is what makes it imperative that you find people with the same interest to exchange information with. Imagine if one of them insisted that you listen at length to something you find boring (you probably don't have to imagine!)

^ thank you for the reply, it is very logical. I will follow your steps. I think I do get stuck in human interactions, but that logical approach is good.

What you said.

^^^
hiya Sprock welcome to WP
I believe the OP will eventually find people compatible with himself.