Observer feeling: symptom of ASD or Coping mechanism?

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Okay, you know that feeling that many of us share, that we are just observers in our mind, observing and taking notes on the world that goes on around us, some of us even just observers to our own body.

This so describes me, that it's become such an issue in my life that I know I have to deal with it one way or another. I know of many benefits and deficits to such a way of life, but that is not what want to spark a discussion on, that has been well covered in many posts in the past. Anyways i'm at a point where I have to decide to completely embrace this way or to try to bring back an ability that I believe I once had. And that requires me to get some input from others on the following question...

Is this observer nature we share a direct symptom of the Asperger's / ASD or is it instead a symptom of one or more of the coping mechanisms that many of us have built up to deal with our lack of social skills and emotional intelligence.

I had always assumed the former... but of late, as i see my observer-ness increasing so much, my detachment from others and from my own physcial body is starting to scare me.
And answering this question I guess is the reason i've come back to WP after having been pretty well absent for a few years since my son was born.

So please, let me know your beliefs gut feelings, research, etc regarding if observer-ness is ASD based or is just part of our coping mechanisms?

I think it's a symptom of the heightened sensory sensitivity. All the sensory data is coming in at the same 'noise' level and I'm trying to decipher and decode it all and navigate at the same time.

I don't notice it so much when I'm in my own familiar space at home, or chatting with people I'm comfortable with, but in public places, it's part of what makes social interactions so awkward. Nothing I do or say seems quite right, because I'm not in complete control of the virtual robot, in that I can't operate all the controls fast enough to make it's movements seem smooth and natural.

It's as though I'm watching through the camera/eyes and trying to maneuver the machine through the situation from a remote location, without crashing it into anything.

I think the observer feeling is part of being autistic or introverted, and most autistic people are very very introverted. Though the feeling would increase or be more noticeable when you are more detached from others, I don't see it as a coping mechanism.
I am always in observer mode and I think it is a good way to be. If I weren't in my own little world observing the outside world, I wouldn't be me.

I can see how heightened sensory perception could be a barrier between a person and the outside world, withdrawing into oneself to assimilate all the sensory information coming in from the outside.

What's worse is that I often speak my observations aloud, and people often mistake them for judgements or requests of various sorts, rather than simple observations of the world without any interpretations or connotations implied or intended.
I refer to this behavior on my part as 'reporting'.

I definately have the feeling of being the puppet master and this body being the puppet.
Sometimes, when I'm very tired and have kept myself going for a long time in that state, there's an almost palpable sensation of the strings being cut when I finally relax my will and let the tiredness take over.

I actually didn't realize other aspies felt this way, but I'm glad that it seems to be relatively common.

I have to agree with Willard (surprise, surprise... don't you ever get sick of being right all the time?) about the underlying cause, but I've learned enough behavior sets for casual social interactions that it rarely gets as bad as what he describes anymore, unless I'm tired or in an extremely unfamiliar social situation.

I, and many others (See: Intense World Theory), have speculated that that's actually the root, underlying cause and defining feature of all forms of autism.

I think neurotypicals experience this too. It can be seen in the language. People say "I have a body", rather than, "I am my body." Or, "This is my arm," rather than, "The part of myself that is an arm." The concept of a soul is nearly universal. Even people who believe that nothing but matter and energy exist may conceptualize a person as information stored in the brain, greater than the sum of his parts. Science fiction talks about copying people to computers or to robotic bodies; in mythology, people retain their identities after being transformed into trees or stars or animals. Out of body experiences are a known phenomenon that can be induced chemically or during delirium or, apparently, through meditation--present in multiple cultures and speaking to the idea of the self as separate from the body.

The idea of "observer", a self as a passenger in one's body, seems to be really wide-spread, and not purely spiritual or mythological. It may very well be a side effect of consciousness. The same consciousness that lets us plan and hypothesize may separate us from our physical bodies, just a little bit, so that we can conceive of doing something that we are currently not doing--activating many of the same brain regions along the way.

I think all people probably experience this to some degree. For example an NT might be socializing in a group that they don't fit in well with and therefore they feel "on the outs," but it seems to be more profound for those on the spectrum. It's not just that I'm on the outside of some group, it's that I feel like a different species than the group. In fact I don't even know if I agree with the concept of "group." But I will watch, observe, take notes as you say.

I don't think this is a coping mechanism. It doesn't make me feel better or worse, it just IS. It is a fact of my existence that I am an observer. I don't think it's either a good or a bad thing. Sometimes it makes me feel sad, sometimes it makes me feel good for noticing things that others do not. Perhaps you experience it like this as well? If it is making you feel bad most of the time, then you should try to reverse it. But I don't believe that it is an inherently negative position for one to have in the world.

What the others have said about it being related to increased sensory perception makes sense to me.

Callista,

I think it depends on the degree. You have simple occasional introspection at one end and a "[p]ervasive phenomenological distance between the self and experiencing (constant self-monitoring)" (EASE item 2.2.2) at the other end:

http://www.nordlandssykehuset.no/getfil ... r/EASE.pdf

Of course, a key point here is that the observing has to be more or less a constant thing that largely happens of its own accord. This here was described for people on the schizophrenia spectrum, but I'd be willing to bet that autistic people get the same thing. Also, there are examples at the link.

I have felt like an observer in my own life for as long as I can remember. The worst part for me is that my family and friends sometimes sense this emotional distance, and are hurt by it. I seem to have the emotions needed for survival, such as fear, but not the emotions needed for social connections. Does anyone else feel this way?

I observe my body experiencing emotions such as fear, panic, and more primal emotions... But the composite emotions such as love and jealousy are totally beyond me. Either they are alien to me, or I've so repressed them that they don't even manifest anymore. That repression could be either mental block of a physical purging, i'm not sure.

When my body feels those emotions, I think i become even more detached and more an observer so that I can avoid letting those emotions control me, and maintain the mental control i have over my body.

Perhaps the emotions not necessary for survival are the ones that are gone... And the ability to distance oneself from the necessary ones, yet maintain awareness of its existence could be construed as a survival advantage in and of itself.

Frustration on the other hand... now that's an emotion that i DO feel. Yet i tend to be of the impression that it is more mentally driven than physically... It only ever arises in response to illogical behavior in others (or on the odd occasion in myself)

I do from time to time, especially when around friends (close friends, not just acquaintances or colleagues) start to observe that I "should" feel this way or that way... And maybe that is me observing those specific emotions within my body, or it's noticing the lack of them... I'm not sure.

I guess i'm rambling here more as to why i wrote the question more than on the topic at hand, but I want to stay out of that direct discussion, at least for now so I can "observe" it.

I like who I am now more than i did back when I either felt emotions or at least believed that i felt them. Yet I wish I had some kind of switch somewhere, so that I could turn my emotions back on from time to time, so that I could at least feel alive now and then.

Ending with a metaphor/analogy: An empty box is more useful than a box full of randomly moving, uncontrollable chunks that constantly change the balance and usable portions of the box and often damaging the stuff you try to store in it. But there is no doubt that such a box is more interesting than the empty one.

I have had the observer feeling all my life. I have tried various techniques to combat it with varying levels of success.

Meditation
This is a time honored technique for shutting up the observer (practitioners call it "chattering monkey mind") and living in the moment. After all, Be Here Now is the motto. It worked but only while I was literally meditating. The minute I stopped, I snapped right back into observer mode.

Sensory Overwhelm
I did this a lot when I was younger: loud concerts, wild activity, dancehalls with strobing lights. There are lots of venues for young people to do this. This may not be workable for Aspies (I am NT) on account of the sensory overwhelm being painful. Sometimes it worked and sometimes I kept right on observing.

In my older age I've stopped fighting it and for the last decade or so I've embraced it. I've embraced it with a technique of my own design which might be fun for you to try (or might be appalling- I don't know). What I do is when I feel like I'm being just too much The Observer, I double down and become the Ultra Observer by pretending I am somebody else observing through me. I'll pretend I'm one of my own ancestors time traveling forward and observing the changes that have happened in the intervening 100, 500 or 1,000 years. Which time period I choose will affect the nature of the observations. Or I pretend I'm somebody from another culture doing a body swap. Or somebody from the future. I know that sounds just incredibly neurotic and it is but it's just silly enough to make being The Observer more fun and embraceable rather than being coldly distancing from the world and other people.

I have perfected the art of interacting with other people while simultaneously pretending to be an ancestor from 500 years ago who is observing the changed world through the eyes of their descendent. It's actually quite fun and not nearly as detaching as you would think. In fact, it can actually be less detaching since it removes the guilt (if you have any- I did) over being The Observer.

I observe my body experiencing emotions such as fear, panic, and more primal emotions... But the composite emotions such as love and jealousy are totally beyond me. Either they are alien to me, or I've so repressed them that they don't even manifest anymore. That repression could be either mental block of a physical purging, i'm not sure.

When my body feels those emotions, I think i become even more detached and more an observer so that I can avoid letting those emotions control me, and maintain the mental control i have over my body.

Perhaps the emotions not necessary for survival are the ones that are gone... And the ability to distance oneself from the necessary ones, yet maintain awareness of its existence could be construed as a survival advantage in and of itself.

Frustration on the other hand... now that's an emotion that i DO feel. Yet i tend to be of the impression that it is more mentally driven than physically... It only ever arises in response to illogical behavior in others (or on the odd occasion in myself)

I do from time to time, especially when around friends (close friends, not just acquaintances or colleagues) start to observe that I "should" feel this way or that way... And maybe that is me observing those specific emotions within my body, or it's noticing the lack of them... I'm not sure.

I guess i'm rambling here more as to why i wrote the question more than on the topic at hand, but I want to stay out of that direct discussion, at least for now so I can "observe" it.

I like who I am now more than i did back when I either felt emotions or at least believed that i felt them. Yet I wish I had some kind of switch somewhere, so that I could turn my emotions back on from time to time, so that I could at least feel alive now and then.

Ending with a metaphor/analogy: An empty box is more useful than a box full of randomly moving, uncontrollable chunks that constantly change the balance and usable portions of the box and often damaging the stuff you try to store in it. But there is no doubt that such a box is more interesting than the empty one.

Yes, I think it's a continuum, ranging from very little self-observation to extreme and constant. Most psychological symptoms are like that; they're not unique to people with a disorder. What's unique is the extreme nature of the symptom, beyond the level at which it starts to cause trouble.

I've experienced both extreme self-observation and a near-absence of it. During the times I'm hyperfocused on a special interest, I can actually shut down my consciousness. I forget that I exist in favor of doing whatever it is I'm doing; after I come out of that state, I have no memory of any metacognitive activity. On the other hand, I can occasionally feel almost like I am a passenger in my body, as though I'm driving a mechanical thing and the messages from my senses are things I monitor much like you might read the speedometer on your car or the temperature display on your oven.

I don't know whether I would call either state a problem unless it were to persist for a long time and interfere with one's ability to deal with the world.

I don't really have experience with this much myself, but what I do experience may help you in figuring out something Exclavius.

I find that maybe half the time I don't have have proper emotional reactions to events, not during the moments they happen at least. But to me that is a separate phenomenon than completely being an observer to yourself. I am still me through it all, I'm not detached from my emotions, the emotions simply aren't there. (It could, however, be said that I'm dissociated from emotions in general I suppose.)
That being said, as a child, I do remember a time when I tried very hard to supress my emotional responses to things so that I could act appropriately. It felt necessary to do so to fit into my social world (which, as an adult, I see may have been more rigid than most people's...I would bet all my money that my dad's HFA, and my mom...I dunno about her emotional states, probably very repressed), and I think I succeeded quite a bit at doing that.

(This isn't to say that I felt forced or cajoled by being over-emotional, I think I was just a kid mimicking the world around me in a regular, healthy way...There's always a separation, in my mind, of who someone really is compared to what you're supposed to be like or act like. Only modern western values have come to a belief that someone should always 'be who they are' no matter what the circumstance. Most other society's expect you at act differently depending on the social situation. I'm given to understand that Chinese and other eastern cultures are very opposite this American ideal. I guess I felt that in order to properly act a certain way I couldn't simply hide my other emotions. I digress....)

Only well into adulthood have I perceived that this rather cold way of feeling is actually a negative thing in terms of most social context, as I've found that I just don't have the energy or willpower/desire (possibly the proper skill, although I don't think so) to act appropriately socially. But, if I were just a more emotional person, I wouldn't really have to act things out, I'd just respond naturally and it'd be a more appropriate reaction to things.

So I guess how this ties back to the OP is that I do feel like how *I've* detached myself from emotions was a practised, conscious thing. But, as I started with, I don't think that this is the same thing as feeling like you're an observer to yourself. Furthermore, I also don't feel that I can easily go back to being more emotional, (although perhaps I still choose not to because otherwise I'll be some crybaby, monster of an adult.) I think my emotional life is always going to be developing, growing, regressing, changing with my circumstances though.

Another thing, would you (anyone who experiences this detachment phenomenon a lot) describe what you experience as an out-of-body sensation?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Out-of-body_experience
I ran across this fact (I didn't experience it myself ever) when I was into learning how to lucid dream. Apparently it's a pretty replicable phenomenon if you gain consciousness around when you have sleep paralysis. IF this sensation is similar to what many autists experience daily, perhaps we can learn a LOT more about the physiology of what's going on, and therefore, learn how one might control it.

I actually think there is a very strong similarity between emotional and mental detachment. To me they are now both the same thing, as i detach from my PHYSICAL surroundings, I also detach from my physical stimuli, my emotions and even physical sensation. There are times when I am able to enjoy pain, (I mean EXTREME pain) because it's one of the few times that I can actually FEEL something... anything.
I should add that I don't like the extreme pain for long periods, just short periods to remind me what feeling is about.



I wouldn't say that with me, at least, that it's like an "out of body" experience. My body just stops having any real or tangible importance.
The other aspect of it, is that it's more like stepping out of the body ... not off to the left and looking over my shoulder. Instead it's like out of phase, moving outside in the 4th dimension (not time, another dimension) But I'm still in my body.
Perhaps the best analogy of how it "feels" is like a prisoner in his cell. The jail itself (my body), has no real meaning, only the confinement.