Whats expected of me socially

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Ive heard from both sides of the AS population: Those who can and those who cant read body language. I have no idea whats expected of the average NT however. How much do NT's actually pick up on?

In my experience, not a lot. They have never ever been able to pick up on what I am feeling with any accuracy.

They think I am angry when I am upset or hurt, they think I am sad when i am happy, nervous when I am relaxed or just rubbing my tickle because I enjoy the sensation and so on and so forth.

I gave up expecting anyone to understand me a long time ago. People in my real life from the past have complained that I am too independent and that I don't go to them for support. This is partly why. Why bother, most won't understand anyway. Plus I like to find my own solutions first. I only ask for help when I am well and truly stuck. And lastly all they do is try to hug me or say awww. Um I prefer a practical solution found by considering all the relevant details..something else people won't do...They want everything over simplified.

I'm not really qualified to answer this as I'm not NT, I can only give my observations. Many seem to believe that NTs have some magical ability to just sense and understand others. If this were true there would be no problem, as they would intuitively understand us. People really just reflect everything off themselves and assume the other is the same as themselves. If 2 people are similar then they more often get it right. If not, then they often get it wrong.

NTs don't really communicate any better with each other than they do with us. They can have a little friendly chat. Then each walk off, one calling the other a prick. If you watch them, sometimes they are actually having 2 completely separate conversations, but each thinking it is the same. The regulating mechanism that avoids the more disruptive problems is actually in the facade.

This is not that different to what a lot of ASDs do. Many ASDs have a fortress. A definite boundary between their personal realm and the outside. The facade is a more sophisticated form of this, but is maintained as camouflage. Similar to a puffer fish that inflates itself to appear bigger than it is, this facade projects oneself as more desirable and less vulnerable than they really are. It also exists more as a “cloud” that surrounds them rather than a definite boundary. They use subtle cues to invite others further in, or repel others further out of their cloud. Dictating how close someone may get to the real them. To put it metaphorically, 2 casual acquaintances will only brush their outer cloud surface in an exchange. While a couple in an intimate relationship may be allowed to venture far further into each other's cloud, closer to the real person.

This facade to ASDs appears as that superficial, manipulative, deceitful thing that NTs do. ASDs tend to guard their fortress in a more direct manner, as with just about everything else, as a “None shall pass” or “The shall enter”. How well and to what extend each person maintains a fortress/facade varies from person to person. Some don't very well and cop the continuous onslaught, while others maintain a very solid defence.

It can be fascinating to observe the interplay through the facades sometimes. It's like 2 praying mantises dancing over a stick. “This is my stick, get off.” “No, you get off.” Until one concedes and the other retains the stick without coming to blows.

There are some fundamental differences in the perception of NTs. They inherently see the monkey tree. The system of dominant and subordinate relationships. They are also more personal focused rather than subject focused. These 2 factors have influence on their interpretations and projections, and the rules of operation with the facade. Unfortunately many of the rules are more locally defined. Culture and custom, even down to individual group levels define many of the rules. It is more a dynamic system of unwritten rules where successful endeavour sets the standard for others to aspire to. The rules also vary depending on how far in their cloud you are. Just as you wouldn't say just anything to anyone, you also wouldn't gesture just anything to anyone. Or it changes context depending on the circumstance.

You can probably get books on body language which may be beneficial with the more common gestures. Then observe your local groups for the specific gestures. Just as a very blatant example, there was a report many years ago in this country that people from certain cultures faced disadvantage within our judicial system. In their culture of origin one shows respect to an authority by displaying more submissive behaviour. Holding one's head lower and acting meekly. While in our culture confidence is more regarded. Because of their cultural differences in gesturing they were seen more as guilty.

Sorry, I don't know if this is helpful to you, but it can be interesting, and bizarre, to observe.

Just like Aspies, NTs are all different. Some pick up on body language faster than others, and some pick up on some types of body language better than other types, and it just all varies. Sometimes it can even depend on their mood. As an Aspie, I'll say I've never been too bad at all with picking up on body language and other non-verbal social vibes, but I do sometimes make a mistake, but everybody does. But generally I can pick up on body language and not have a problem with it.

NTs can pick up on my body language too. I remember when a bossy woman at work was getting on everyone's nerves one day. Well, she wasn't getting on my nerves because I hadn't really seen her much that day, but in the afternoon she came up to me and started asking me some stupid questions, and I felt annoyed inside. But I just kept quiet and just looked at her politely and answered the questions politely. But when she went out of the room, another woman in the same room gave me a friendly tap on the shoulder and burst out laughing and said, ''I could see by your face you felt like going 'piss off!' I know how you feel there!'' And I laughed too and agreed that that was how I was feeling. I don't know if the annoying woman who asked me questions picked up on it or not but my work friend did.

And that's just one example, which means that was not the only time. Lots of times people pick up on my body language without me having to verbally say anything about how I'm feeling, and they get it right, so I must give off the right vibe. Also I can pick up on other people's vibes too. It's not just easy, it's instinct.

I'm NT (I think!) and I wouldn't assume that others knew how I was feeling unless I verbalised it or was very obvious about it (ie shouting when angry/crying when sad etc). And I wouldn't expect others to be able to guess how I was feeling either unless I was displaying it very obviously. If someone was boring me for eg I would be attempting to look interested out of politeness.
I don't think a lot of nt's can guess how others feel as much as you might expect. I went to a training day recently run by a guy with aspergers and he gave us an activity where we had to label facial expressions and despite most people there being nt there was a huge range of answers for each one.

I am expected to reject people.

To be honest, most people are like scum to me. They act nice to me, then they run off, date someone, and break their heart for the fun of it. What kind of person would do that?? My friends say that I tend towards being very cynical, but I don't think of myself being very cynical.. My autistic friends look up to me too, but I feel like they are better than me. I'm not sure how to respond to that either.

Maybe this will change in the future.