First time in history!! !! The NT/AS open hotline ! !! !! !

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I know 2 aspie adults and they both had to tell me or I wouldn't have known. They don't seem particularly awkward or anything. I don't know either well though so maybe it would be more obvious if I spent more time with them.
I can generally spot it in children but I doubt I would have before I had my son and had learned a bit about it. I have very good friends who have no idea my son has asd and often when I tell people they are shocked. So, imo, I think most nt's would struggle to tell the difference between an introverted nt and an aspie. One reason being I don't think a lot of people, who might have heard of more severe cases of autism, are aware that high functioning autism/aspergers exists.

I usually can. There is a huge difference between an introverted NT and an aspie.

What is it?

I'm not bothered by aloof people but certainly don't feel drawn to engaging with them, or cultivating them as friends, since they obviously want to be left alone. However, NTs will ignore and refuse to look at or speak to people they actively dislike, and the fact you do that to them means they interpret your behavior as dislike of them personally, which gives them a negative feeling about you.

You think about cultivating friendships with complete strangers? Um, I couldn't even tolerate the friends I met in university through classes and clubs, so I think it's safe to assume that I would tolerate random people even less. (I call them friends because we hung out a lot, they seemed to like me, but I just didn't grow fond of them and eventually stopped responding to texts.)
I know it bothers the majority of NTs A LOT. That's just a fact. And yeah, it makes sense because if you dislike someone, their only retaliation is to dislike you back It's like "You can't fire me--I quit!" haha. I don't dislike them, but I know I will more than likely not enjoy engaging with them.
I really appreciate your answer, thank you.

I doubt most nt's dislike you. It's just that if you're giving off that you don't want to be around them then they aren't going to attempt to engage you and risk upsetting/annoying you. I'm assuming people are avoiding you rather than harassing you for being aloof?

Huh? You have read my post wrong.
And people do harass me for being aloof. They will actually come up to me and try to talk. One incident that I will never forget is when I was in the library and a guy walked past me, then circled back and said "You must be really into that!" I just looked at him with a confused expression then returned looking at my computer. I still think of it and find it very disturbing. I'm in the f*****g library, what is so damn weird about looking at my computer screen? Why not just go wherever the f**k you were going and not worry about me being into you?

Last edited by ResilientBrilliance on 15 Dec 2013, 9:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

NTs: Do you ever feel you are staring at someone? Have you ever thought, "Man, I am staring at that person," even if the person never looked back at you? This has literally driven me crazy. My counselor and I have discussed it, she tried to make me feel better by asking, "Do you ever stare at people, ResilientBrilliance?" And I said no because I don't. I've always been freaked out to discover that someone has been observing me. Maybe NTs just find me/people much more interesting than I find them? I wonder if they even think of it as staring or do y'all convince yourself you're just looking around/being human? So yeah the question is do you think you ever realize you are staring at someone?

Personally I tend to kinda zone out and may be looking at someone but my mind is somewhere else and haven't realized my gaze was directed at someone. I don't tend to find random people interesting enough to stare at them and I don't want people staring at me so i mind my own business.

Honestly, speaking from experience (married to AS husband, have 2 kids 2 & 4 and another on the way), I would be more concerned about what kids would do to my AS spouse. Having kids has intensified my husband's issues to an insane degree. He loves our kids and they adore him but he doesn't interact with us. He barely speaks to me, we never have conversations and any and all affection has ceased. He used to talk to me and we felt like partners, now he is drained from work and when he gets home he's pretty much done. He used to have strict routines and got all my attention, now we have 2 unpredictable little people who sometimes I wonder if he looks as as an inconvenience versus the amazing little gifts they are. I feel like a single parent most of the time. He was always the one who wanted kids, I was never really sure or felt the urge (until after my first miscarriage) which makes how things are now even harder to deal with.

That being said my kids are amazing, smart and sweet little girls and are seriously the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Yes. Sometimes I look at someone and wonder who they are and what their story is and sort of lose myself in the moment and realize i am staring. Also when I was young I had at least one person complain I was staring while we talked. But the I designate myself as unsure and it may have been that I had learned that eye contact was good and so I did it to excess. Although now the eye contact feels normal.

To look at it from the other side. It is quite normal for a lot of people to make an occasional comment to people in passing and the guy wasn't to know it would upset you. There's nothing weird about looking at a computer in a library but there's also nothing weird about commenting that someone seems involved in something. If you then told him you were busy and didn't want to talk and he continued to pursue the conversation then I would consider that harrassment but it sounds like he was trying to be friendly rather than that he had a problem with you.

Ok Rabbers, thank you for sharing your perspective with me. It is very weird to ME, but I'd bet no one else would find it weird. I guess one thing I have difficulty grasping is that as soon as I enter the public sphere, I'm up for staring and comments that I never asked for. It's just out of my control, regardless of how much I keep to myself. I assume other people would love stares and comments (if they were neutral/positive, anyway).

But why? Do you naturally get involved in whoever happens to be around you? You're not in your head thinking about your own life/hobbies/tasks?

For example, introverted NTs don't have special interests, sensory issues and problems processing emotions which may result in meltdowns.
Also, not every aspie is introverted either. I am pretty extroverted -- in a safe environment, I am very talkative and gregarious. When I am with people I don't know very much, I am much more careful and I only open up if I consider my environment to be safe.
My husband, who is also an Aspie, is very different from me -- he never talks very much. When we are with our friends (who are mainly fellow aspies), he usually sits with his laptop and browses something on the internet, interrupting the conversation only occasionally. Now he is a real introvert

Aspies, as a child were you outgoing or introverted? my son is so cracking up all the time, it's hard to believe that he'll ever be shy!