Problem with the word "Aspie"

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Joined: 13 Dec 2013
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21 Dec 2013, 12:51 pm

It's probably worth noting that he has the same issue as well. He actually gets insulted if someone refers to him as "Aspie".

In another note, I should also mentioned that I meant to say that I have trouble coping with his behavior. I don't try to manage it. I just have trouble trying to manage coping with it.

hazuki0chan
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21 Dec 2013, 12:58 pm

ChameleonKeys wrote:

hazuki0chan wrote:

So the reason I joined this site is to get more insight on this diagnosis. My boyfriend has high-functioning Asperger's and I have a very difficult time coping and managing his behavior. I'm considered Neurotypical, apparently. In any case, we've been going to a ground counseling sessions for people with Asperger's. To make it easier to refer to those with Asperger's, they call themselves "Aspies". I seem to have a problem with this. Every time I hear it or read it, it makes me cringe. I feel it's a negative labeling. It sounds derogatory to me.

Anyone else deal with this issue?

I've highlighted a few things that jumped out at me.

Firstly, the thought that you feel you are managing his behavior is very worrying. He is not a child, he is responsible for himself. If you do not like his behaviour it's not up to you to manage it. You are supposed to be his girlfriend not his parent, teacher or employer.

Secondly, people with disabilities have the right to self-determination that includes how we name ourselves in circumstances such as those you describe. They group you describe are comfortable using the term Aspie as an affectionate nickname for people with Asperger's. That's their right and to me it suggests a positive and comfortable attitude towards their diagnosis. I use Autistic more often than Aspie or Aspergian myself, but there is nothing inherently wrong with any of those words. I would be comfortable with this group referring to me as an Aspie. It's up to them to determine how they are comfortable describing themselves and others like them, not up to those without Asperger's/Autism to dictate what they can and can't call themselves. It doesn't matter how it 'sounds' to you; it's not about you. So to be blunt your opinion as an outsider is not what is important here. That's awfully paternalistic and sadly quite typical of those unaware of disability rights culture.

Thirdly you have framed this around you and your feeling and refer to yourself a great deal. Shouldn't his diagnosis, his support group and his label be about him not you? Your relationship is where you come into it, not the way he labels himself. Healthy boundaries are really important.

I forgot to mention one important detail, which is that he doesn't like the term either. We've been together for 8 years, and even though I understand the condition very well, I have no other source of support when his behavior gets the better of him. You're right. I seem to have centered this around myself, and for that reason, I may seem selfish or self-centered.

He has explained to me that he doesn't like being called this because he feels like it is a pejorative term. His words, not mine. In any case, I appreciate your input.

Waterfalls
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21 Dec 2013, 10:54 pm

hazuki0chan wrote:

Callista wrote:

I don't mind "Aspie", but I usually use "autistic" for myself because the Aspie stereotype doesn't really fit me, and because I prefer to identify with the whole spectrum rather than just the nerdy, highly-verbal, talk-your-ear-off, socially-awkward portion of it.

Plus, recently with the DSM-5, it's all called autism spectrum disorder anyway.

But the way I figure it, as long as others understand you, it's your autism and you can call it what you like. Aspie is as good a word as any.

So tell us about your guy. What's he like? Do you have trouble communicating, or is it more of a culture clash?

It's probably already obvious, but he needs to be told things literally and straight foward. He won't understand body language and non-verbal queues. For this reason, we have trouble communicating. I tend to say things non-verbally, but I've had to adjust for him to better understand me. Even though I say things literally, he still sometimes reads into things that are straight-forward as he sees fit, resulting in miscommunication and arguments.

Sometimes when the nonverbal cues don't match the literal meaning of the accompanying words, it can get very confusing and shut a person down. For instance, if you are seeing your family and you stiffly tell him you want him to be very polite to your difficult relative. The words are not matching the facial expressions and tone of voice. Sometimes putting a lot of effort into figuring out what people mean is exhausting and it gets frustrating trying to put together things that don't go. I would suggest stepping back, recognizing your own frustration as valid, his as well. And then identify what you want and think about how to get there like a math equation. He and you seem to care about one another, it's doubtful he is choosing to read into things on purpose to confuse or upset either of you, though anything is possible. I do think if you can find a way to focus on what draws you to him, why you love him, perhaps that will help you communicate more effectively and he as well. It can be almost physically painful as well as intensely emotionally distressing and destabilizing to be a person with ASD and be confronted with inconsistent verbal and nonverbal communication. And very much harder to sort out what is important and what to respond to the it would be for a neurotypical person.

Hope that perspective helps you!

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21 Dec 2013, 11:18 pm

Willard wrote:

hazuki0chan wrote:

they call themselves "Aspies". I seem to have a problem with this. Every time I hear it or read it, it makes me cringe. I feel it's a negative labeling. It sounds derogatory to me.

Anyone else deal with this issue?

I find Aspie sounds rather diminutive, but not intentionally insulting. It's insulting when bullies and trolls pronounce it Ass Pie. I frankly cringe at the term Asperger's because people insist on mispronouncing it Ass Burgers, when it's actually Ahz-pair-gur.

Personally, I tend to default to the term Aspergian as an alternative to simply "autistic.".

As Asperger Syndrome is virtually synonymous with the term High Functioning Autism (in fact in the current DSM-V Diagnostic Manual, 'Asperger Syndrome' doesn't appear at all anymore), there's really no reason to call it anything other than Autism.

I'm sorry, but Ass pie. spit all over my monitor now in laughter. :oops:

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21 Dec 2013, 11:19 pm

But if not Aspie? what else would you call a person with aspergers?. A aspergerion ?.

naturalplastic
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22 Dec 2013, 12:59 am

Your BF must have been bullied by peers who used that word as an epithet.

To me its odd to find it offensive because from my experience it just means you're "a person with aspergers".

The fictional farmers fleeing the 1930's Dust Bowl in John Steinbeck's novel "the Grapes of Rath" had a conversation about a certain similiar sounding word in which one said:

"'Oakie' use ta mean you was from Oklahoma.

NOW it means you're a dirty S.O.B. That's you're scum. Don't mean nothin' itsself. Its the way they say it."

A generation later country singer Merle Haggard defiantly sang "I'm Proud to be an Oakie From Muskogee" in a late Sixties hit -and reclaimed the term.

I'm at the initial "it just means you're from Oklahoma" stage. Your friend is at the Dust Bowl stage. I suggest he should think about advancing to the Merle Haggard stage, and try to be proud to be an 'aspie'.

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22 Dec 2013, 1:54 am

"Aspie" implies that I am different or belong to a subculture such as "hipster", "artsy", etc.

"Asperger's Disorder" (that was what was referred to on paperwork) makes me sound like I am broken in some way.

"Autistic" makes people think I am disabled and need to be treated differently or like a child.

I am not broken, a child or disabled. I just perceive the world, react and respond differently than a majority of the population. Sometimes I need a little coaching along the way, but it seems that other people I know who have no such labels need some help and coaching as well to get through life.

I like people to refer to me by the name that my parents gave me and that is who I tell people I am.

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hazuki0chan
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23 Dec 2013, 6:06 pm

loner1984 wrote:

But if not Aspie? what else would you call a person with aspergers?. A aspergerion ?.

We don't address it much, because he feels like he's being treated differently. But when we do, we just say it as being "on the spectrum", something that his therapist recommended he use instead.

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24 Dec 2013, 2:37 pm

Quintex wrote:

You have a neurological condition that messes with how you function.

It's a fact.

That condition has to be called by some name because things DO have names, and you're either going to be called 'a person with such-and-such' (whatever name for the condition you're willing to tolerate), or going to be called by a term based on the name of the disorder.

Life is real, things have names, and that's how it is.

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Your Aspie score: 100 of 200 / Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 101 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits

What would these results mean? Been told here I must be a "half pint".

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25 Dec 2013, 6:02 am

It is ironic that one episode from the comedy show South Park has unintentionally done more to make the word Aspergers have a negative connotation in the General Public and among those on the spectrum then all of the money of Autism Speaks and the authority of the DSM 5. I have seen a drastic change in attitude just since August when I joined this site.

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naturalplastic
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25 Dec 2013, 10:47 pm

ASPartOfMe wrote:

What happened in this episode of South Park?

ASPartOfMe
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26 Dec 2013, 12:00 am

Double Post

Last edited by ASPartOfMe on 26 Dec 2013, 5:52 am, edited 1 time in total.

ASPartOfMe
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26 Dec 2013, 12:01 am

naturalplastic wrote:

ASPartOfMe wrote:

What happened in this episode of South Park?

The term "Ass Burgers" was coined
http://www.southparkstudios.com/full-ep ... ss-burgers

nuttyengineer
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26 Dec 2013, 12:26 am

I don't mind the term "Aspie" simply because it's much easier than saying "person with Asperger's syndrome". Referring to myself, however, I usually use "Autistic" because that's my official diagnosis.

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naturalplastic
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26 Dec 2013, 10:09 am

ASPartOfMe wrote:

naturalplastic wrote:

ASPartOfMe wrote:

What happened in this episode of South Park?

The term "Ass Burgers" was coined
http://www.southparkstudios.com/full-ep ... ss-burgers

Or they popularized it after it was already coined - sucks either way.

Guess it had to happen. My generation never heard of aspergers growing up. So it had no associations -good or bad. Indeed even most shrinks in the USA never heard of the term until ten years after 1994 when it became an official diagnostic term in the USA. Before 2004 most therapist didnt know about it- so the lay public was even more ignorant of the term. But now I guess its crept into the lexicon of the public. And now derogatory variants have to occur on the school playground. Oh well!

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26 Dec 2013, 10:25 am

I don't have a problem with the word, even though I don't use it myself.

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