Anyone else feel like life is caving in?

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I've known I've had Asperger's for a while now and while I'm able to pick up various obsessions that I exceed really well in, even though this does not make me successful in life. I've had to retake classes in college because of horrible concentration, causing me to be much further behind in my studies than envisioned. Talking to people is such a strain and continuously makes me anxious about my progress in school and life. I am still more motivated than ever to get my degree in mechanical engineering and am confident I will get it, but people keep bringing me down.

I really just want to know if anyone is going or has gone through this period of self doubt and depression when comparing yourself to NT's and could share some wisdom or advice. I honestly want to live and die on an island alone with one pet dog companion after I get my degree. What are some things you personally do or have done to cope with concentration problems/aspergers? I am able to obtain an adderall prescription but do not want to be dependent on medication for success. Any advice or stories with relation to the situation would be GREATLY appreciated.

hiya Westhunder welcome to the club
the only thing that worked definitively for me [like a lightswitch] was Strattera - it comes on with subtlety but within a week you notice that you can think clearly and focus for the first time in seemingly forever. other than that, vigorous daily exercise worked for me after a fashion in that it seemed to clear the cobwebs away from my brain, I noticed the effect on things like concentration which was notably improved.

The ages between 17-25 is always hard. It is especially hard for your generation, because jobs are scarce, and these are the years where we are supposed to find romance and a career.

In many ways life is other people. It is important, I think, to work on not making other people wrong, we must give up our expectations that we will be understood. We have to learn to perhaps change our timing, learn to wait a heartbeat, and smile broadly when we meet new people. You can see that I'm an old guy, but somehow I have muddled through... I think the best aphorism for me was to learn to keep my agreements. That means when you say you are going to do something, you do it. If you agree to be somewhere at such and so time, then you are there. If you always keep your agreements then people come to really respect you. This means that you know your capabilities and you don't over promise, but more important, is that you take your agreement with people seriously... you respect them, and you want their respect. And if you are somehow not going to keep an agreement you acknowledge this asap, and you apologize. Don't take more classes than you can manage. Don't put too much food on your plate. Don't say you will arrive somewhere at a time you can't possibly manage. This is disrespectful to the people with whom you are making arrangements.

For me it has been doggedly following schedule and routine. Either it gets followed to the letter or whatever does not get done. If there is no strict schedule and routine set up for it, it does not get done.

I don't have any great advice.

I learned the hard way that what opens doors and moves you forward in the professional world is your contacts with people, not your degree or ability (unless you are some wonder child who is sought after for your sheer brilliance in your field).

Had I known that, I would have never gone to college or at least insisted on classes on social skills to prepare me for what came next.

Years of my life...gone.

Tens of thousands of dollars in debt that I can't repay.

10+ years post-graduation and still getting mediocre jobs with mediocre pay that don't last very long.

So, yeah, I feel like the world's caving in.

It's not all bad, but I worry about my future. I hit 45 this year, and at 40, most people can't get considered for jobs because most employers want either young, less experienced people who can be paid less or very talented and accomplished older people. Being low experience but over 40 is a curse. Once you hit 50, you are practically unemployable...especially in this economy. My parents aren't rich. So, when they die, it's not like I'll get this big slush fund I can capitalize on to ensure I have some help taking care of my needs as I get older.

I saw an article about a guy I knew 20 years ago....it seemed like 20 years ago was just yesterday. He's 60 now. Where does the time go? How much time do I have left to "get my life together" before it's too late to do anything about it? I can't say, "There's always tomorrow." I'm running out of tomorrows.

My life is just like a downward spiral at the moment. I've become too jealous of other people doing things that I'm not. I'm finding it really hard to be happy for other people's fun and joy. My emotions get toyed with by people, and I just feel so isolated that I don't know what to do. I'm becoming desperate to be NT, to be part of the social world and feel accepted. But it's hard to make happen without giving it all the effort in the world, and even when I do make effort it's like hitting my head against a brick wall. I can't just accept that I'm destined to be alone. I'm not smart enough to go ''OK, I'm not going to battle on any more in this life, it's time to focus on some logical interest and be alone with this interest and turn my life into a career out of it''. Sorry, that is not going to happen with me either. I'm too dumb. I've got the same intelligence as the average NT, which is average, so my other option is to socialise and build relationships. But I can't even have that. So it makes me hate myself because it's the way my ugly brain is wired what's the reason why I'm struggling in this world. So the only other option is to put an end to it all and die. There is just no other way. I can escape from all this then, and my mum and the rest of my family will be happier without me there to lash out at them about being isolated compared to my stupid cousins.

Depression is the worst mental condition in the whole world. Why does depression have to exist? If a person is born with Asperger's, then the brain should not be able to send out neurons what make the individual feel ''hang on, take a look at what I'm missing out on, and it's such a struggle to be part of what I am missing out on. Shame on me, I am so worthless, why do these people hate me? I hate life, I hate myself, I am now depressed....'' f**k you Asperger's, I f*****g hate you!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! ! I wish Asperger's only lied on the Y chromosome (the man chromosome if I got that wrong), and then I wouldn't have it. I'd be me without the f*****g Asperger's holding me down. My inner NT will be free and I will be normal and accepted instead of a problem girl.

Hi, I'm sorry that you're having trouble in school. My suggestion--try to think about what's causing concentration problems. Are you thinking about your special interests instead of the subject you're taking? Are you having trouble focusing because you're anxious?
*If it's because of daydreaming, try to catch yourself and keep taking notes. This took me years of practice.
*If it's because of anxiety, look up "heart rate variability." It has to do with controlling your breathing to keep your emotions under control. Or write about your feelings in a journal during your free time.

That kind of attitude probably won't help you. It will probably be better to think positively. You are not unemployable because you don't have to work for an employer--you can start a business or become a writer, or become a motivational speaker or an artist. In case you're about to say, "I don't have the skills," you can teach yourself the skills. For example, if you want to be a writer--it might be too late to go to college, but you can research writing skills online or use iTunes U. Never say never. And as for "running out of tomorrows," the average American lives to be 77 years old. You're only 45.

As for social skills, the only real way to improve is to put yourself out their and socialize, no matter how awkward you feel.

Incredibly wise.

I have reread this several times and am rethinking several of my behaviors at work based on this advice. Thanks for posting. Good intentions are not enough, consistent performance is golden.
Do what you have to do to work with your symptoms so that you can achieve that. This is my goal for the new year.

Thanks again for putting it so well.

What has worked for me is to eliminate distractions and stick to a routine as much as possible. Keep in mind I am saying this as someone who was diagnosed with ADHD, but I strongly suspect I am also autistic. I tookRitalin for a short time during the end of my senior year and after I started college, and it did help me to focus better, but I didn't like what it did for me overall. So I decided I did not want to be medicated and haven't been for the last 16 years.

The biggest distractions for me have always been about other people. Mostly because I find interacting with other people so confusing. I end up spending too much time and energy trying to figure people out, and trying to understand what is going on in social situations. It sucks up my concentration when I am trying to do other things.

It helps me more than anything else to limit my interactions with other people. I mean to set limits, not to totally avoid people, but to identify people and/or situations that are too draining for me and have firm limits about those. I have to do this just so I can function at all, and even more so to be able to achieve a personal goal.

I had a lot of trouble in college because I lived in a dorm and I felt completely surrounded and overwhelmed by other people. I had never shared a room with anyone before, much less lived in one building with that many people. I felt compelled to socialize with people, but it was really draining, so I would stay up late at night walking around campus by myself because that was the only time I could be alone. Then I'd sleep late and miss classes the next day. It was a vicious cycle.

I was not motivated to finish college. You are motivated, and that's important. If you stay focused on that, it will get you through.

Comparing yourself to other people can be a huge pitfall. You are not like other people and you may have to do things differently to accomplish your goals. It's okay if it takes you longer to do something. You don't have to be around people who bring you down.

I have noticed that when I doubt myself, or compare myself to others, even if I don't say anything about it, other people sense it. And most people will instinctively say or do things to make you feel worse instead of better. It's almost like they feed off of it.

I am sorry to say this, it is really pessimistic, but in my experience most people will not do things to build you up when you are feeling down on yourself. You have to be able to build yourself up on your own. Be proud of yourself for who are you and what you have achieved.

My biggest distractions are always about other people too. I don't really find interaction with people confusing (well, occasionally I do but that's not what affects me). What I find most distracting about other people is seeing what they're doing compared to what I'm doing. It's kind of a jealousy thing. I don't get jealous over how much money people have got or what their homes look like or how attractive they are. I get jealous of what their social lives (including love lives) entail. It makes me feel so empty, but I find it very difficult to block it all out and ignore what they're all doing. A couple of nights ago I seemed in a relaxed mood and thought to myself, ''I don't care what they're doing, screw them'', but today I had a bad day and I suddenly got myself into a state again because of being (non-verbally) reminded in a situation how lonely I am compared to how happy/social somebody else close to me is.

Thanks for the welcome and I really appreciate all of the replies. It's great to see what people think and what they've gone through. Life is definitely as interesting as you make it to be.

I felt like that when I was super stressed going through school at a ridiculous pace to complete 130.5 credits in 2 years. It was, by far, the single most difficult stressful thing I ever completed (so far) BUT, I toughed it out and made it through it.

The last few years in general were pretty rough with the worst severity of ASD symptoms, but that's all changed in the last several months and life is getting smoother and easier. work is going ok, I'm finally starting to accumulate a little bit of savings, I'm in better shape than I've ever been in etc. Only thing reeeally missing is love, but I'm working on that, too, and hoping it eventually pans out. If not, meh, I'll still have my health, wealth, and business goals to turn into achievements. Then I can get serious about looking for love again once I've got life setup a little more how I want it.

Anyways, yeah.. tough it out! work hard. Persevere. It'll all be worth it in the end, even if there are ups and downs along the way, life can and will get better if you work hard enough at it for long enough.

Wonderful! practice... practice... practice! Forgive yourself!

Adios ala pasada! So long to the past!