my 8 year-old autistic son is terrified of sleeping alone

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I also had the same two issues as your son when I was younger. My mom tried very hard to get me to sleep alone for a while, but I would literally scream and cry for hours and just get more and more hyped up instead of eventually getting tired and falling asleep like most kids. It's kind of embarrassing to think back on it, but it was very distressing for me at the time and not fun at all. I felt safer if I wasn't alone at night. I actually ended up sleeping with my mom until I felt ready to move into my own room, which was a very gradual process. The first step towards that was when I was 12/13 and spent my first night away from home at my cousin's house. My cousin and I stayed up half the night doing sleepover things, and after she fell asleep, I stayed up for a few more hours reading. I eventually decided to get into bed, and I was able to fall asleep without too much trouble. After that, I started choosing to sleep on my own on some occasions, and it just kind of progressed slowly from there. I stayed up in my room reading for a few hours whenever I slept alone for quite a while. It helped because I didn't have to try to fall asleep until I was actually tired and had less time to let my mind wander before I fell asleep.

I understand that letting your son sleep with you until he makes the choice to move into his own room isn't ideal for your situation. I agree with the people who have suggested letting a pet sleep with him. I used to do the same thing Schneekugel mentioned--look to my cat for signs of distress, and if I saw that he was sleeping/relaxing, I felt safer because cats have better senses and would know if something bad was going to happen. However, if you don't already have a pet, I would not recommend getting one for the sole purpose of helping your son sleep alone. That might make him resent the pet, and there's always the chance that the pet you get might not have any interest in sleeping with your son. So I would only try that if you already have a pet that gets along well with your son, or you were already planning on getting a pet for general companionship.

I also second the suggestion for lavender lotion or oil. Chamomile is another option, if he prefers that scent. I always put some lotion on before bed, and it really helps me relax. I currently use some from Bath and Body Works called Sleep, which has lavender and chamomile. Chamomile tea is also good to drink before bedtime, nice and relaxing.

Another thing I would suggest trying is some kind of white noise. I'm not sure why, but I sleep a lot better with a fan on than in complete silence. They also make white noise machines, but I've never tried those.

This is probably just me, but I guess it won't hurt to mention it... To this day, I can't sleep if there are any red glowing lights in the room. I'm not sure why they bother me so much, but I always have to unplug red alarm clocks or put them on the ground when I stay at a hotel. So if your son happens to have an alarm clock with red numbers in his room, maybe try changing it to one with green or blue numbers (those are comforting colors to me). Again, that's probably unique to me, but there's a chance that it might help him feel a little bit safer alone.

I think putting a mat on your floor sounds like a really good idea, and a nice way to start this whole process, but be careful not to rush things too much. Using two way radios when he is ready to try being in his own room sounds like a great idea too. I think that would have been very helpful for me.

Oh, about the shower, I used to have that problem too. I was terrified that someone would break into our house and hurt me or everyone else while I was in the shower. I'm not sure where I got that idea, but maybe it was from a scary movie I saw part of or something. I slowly grew out of that fear too, and now I'm fine showering even when I'm home alone. I'm still a bit weirded out by hotel showers though, and I still prefer someone to be within earshot when I shower in them. Actually, most of the time I just skip showering when I stay at hotels, unless I go swimming or am staying there for more than one night and have to take a shower. I don't really have any suggestions to help with the shower fear, except to say that he might eventually grow out of it too.

Good luck!

one point about the 2-way radios. my parents did this for us when i was little. i was up almost every single night haunting my mother over the intercom. i am quite sure ultimately she regretted it. of course, this was back in the 70's and they were hard-wired into the house! today you can get those wireless units and so cheap.

so you may want to have a plan B for their removal if you try this (ergo, what you might want to say to explain it).

These sound like good ideas. And the pet idea is great. Whenever my fiance is out of town, I always let the cats in to sleep with me (he's not big on animals sleeping with us so we usually close the door). It just feels like there's somebody there, and of course there is, just not a human somebody.

As a kid, I hated sleeping alone. Especially when my parent's room felt so far away from mine. My parents got divorced though when I was pretty young, so sleeping with my Mom wasn't usually such a big a deal, i.e., there wasn't as much concern for privacy. By the time I was about 9 she transitioned me to having my own little floor bed, so I was still in the same room. Having the tv on really helped (and still sometimes does!). By the time I was a young teenager though I wanted my own bedroom, so things kind of solved themselves.

But as far as phobias, taking baby steps is a great way to transition through them. If he can get used to sleeping on a little floor bed, take it in steps. Transition to the floor bed, and over time slowly move the bed further and further away from the master bed. Eventually, move it out the door, with the door open. Keep moving the bed further away over time, until he finally reaches his own room.

He may never adjust and the sense of isolation could just be too overwhelming, but maybe at least you could reach a level of compromise so that you and your partner can have a little privacy and your son doesn't have to feel quite so alone and scared.

You never know, by the time your son reaches a point where HE'D like more privacy, it may become a non-issue.

OMG! My parents had one of those intercom systems in our home when I was growing up as well. My parents would listen in on conversations and I would get in so much trouble if I were caught saying anything about them or if I turned it down so they couldn't hear me.

I think a pet for your son to sleep with might work. My son slept with us until he was about ll [the last 3 years on a mat next to our bed] He slept in his own bed for about a year, until he became ill and then he was back again.

I used to be an honorary member of a Native American talking circle and the women spoke often about the cruelty of the white culture in forcing their child to sleep alone. I slept alone and never got used to it. I lived in terror every night.If I had to urinate I would hold my bladder the entire night so that the monsters wouldn't get me when I stepped onto the floor to go to the toilet.

I am nearly 60 years old and STILL can't sleep alone at night, Thanks to husbands and animals in my bed, I have [so far] had no encounters with either the crawling hand or a bogey man.

My son has had some of the same issues. First, I suggest a weighted blanket, a meditation CD (this is the one my son has: http://www.amazon.com/Indigo-Dreams-Rel ... itation+cd) (I would not do TV unless you have it on a timer, the light and noise are not conducive to a deep sleep), and a very rigid bedtime routine which includes about a half hour of one on one time with a parent - either reading or telling stories or whatever, and then a half hour of alone time winding down (this can be reading, playing quietly, taking a bath - but no TV, that is too stimulating).

The other part of this is that you will need to transition him out of your bed. Start the bedtime routine, and then get a cot and put it next to your bed. To get him to sleep in it, use rewards. We do the token system, so poker chips are "tokens" and each color represents a point value. A certain amount of points buys 30 minutes of screen time. Screen time can be video games or a cartoon on Netflix. Depending on your child, small wrapped prizes may be a better motivator. So, if he sleeps on the cot all night, he gets a prize in the morning. If he sleeps on the cot all week, he gets the big prize at the end of the week. Move to tokens though after a week, but go back to prizes when you transition him into his own bed. Watch for signs of anxiety to decrease before beginning the transition to his own room. Keep your bedroom door and his bedroom door open. Ask him if he wants his cot in the hallway outside your bedroom door first, or he wants to try his bed. Through all this, do his strict bedtime routine and give him tokens every night he sleeps in the cot without coming into your bed. You'll have to step up the rewards to actually get him into his own room. He may need more focused attention during the day with all the upheaval going on at night, and behavior may be an issue during the transition. But be firm, and keep gently insisting he return to his cot, and then to his bed. Eventually, you can use sleeping on the cot in your room as a tool to minimize anxiety. Last school year, our son slept in our room every Sunday night because he was anxious about school on Monday. It actually does wonders for anxiety with very little effort, so if you can get it to be a once in while tool, it's great. But an every night thing is not going to work.

Hope that helps!

I didn't sleep alone until I was 11. I was absolutely terrified of it. I used to surround pillows with myself and sleep under the blanket too. I actually got a dog and slept with him, and starting sleeping alone from there on.

This is not just a problem for autistic people. My 8 year old NT sister does not like to be upstairs alone.

I remember pretending to have nightmares just to sleep in my parents bed as a kid.
I was terrified of being alone in my bed too, even on really hot nights I would wrap my blanket around my whole body and face leaving a space for air.
When I was really young I would just be under my covers with all my teddies and be afraid to come out until daylight broke, I didn't have these problems when I slept in my parents bed.
It will be hard for him to sleep alone but it's better for him in the long run.

Maybe it's a comfort thing and he just wants to sleep with you.

Weening him out of the habbit seems like the only sensible option. I doubt he's going to just go from sleeping in your room to sleeping on his own like that. So maybe having him sleep in your room but not in the same bed would be a good start.

I didn't sleep alone until I was 14 (I lived with my mother and grandmother in a small 2 bedroom and that is when my mother started sleeping on the sofa) and only started sleeping with the light off this year at the age of 38. I get enough light to see by from the nightlight on the stove in the kitchen. I'd still be pretty distressed about sleeping in a pitch dark room where I couldn't see.

my 8-yr old autistic son had such difficulty getting to sleep alone.
He sleeps on the floor, refuses to use a bed.
So, I had to lay on the floor with him till he was just over 7 years.
He finally now lays down on his own, so it's tough

Well i had problems sleeping alone, think alone, being as in seperated from mom.

I had my teddy bear which actually greatly helped me. slept with light on until i was around 10-11 i believe.

I was a lot like that when I was a young child. I don't remember the ages, but I remembered that it lasted for a year or two. I would often sleep in the same bed as my parents or one of them would sleep in my bed with me and leave after a few hours. I don't know when, but it eventually happened that I was all right sleeping alone. This isn't to say that you should do this with your child, as I understand that it might be something difficult or undesirable for you.

Here's an idea that I thought you might be interested in. I've always been an anxious person and had trouble falling to sleep for many years when a kid, so the idea might only apply to those issues with me. When I was about 11 or 12, I started playing classical music as I fell asleep - mostly putting on the classical radio station and leaving it on. Sometimes, I'd put it on sleep mode on my clock radio, normally for about 90 or 120 minutes. Or, I'd just leave it at a low but audible volume and, if it bothered me in the night, turn off the radio (generally several hours later). I don't know if this would help your son, but I think the music could make it easier for him to fall asleep. It could also solve the problem of him feeling alone. (By the way, I recommend putting on classical music, but, naturally, you would be a better judge of that than I.)

I'm an aspie, and I didn't sleep in my own bed on a regular basis until I was about 9 years old. To make things even stranger, to this day I still have a nad habit of sleeping in my clothes most of the time.

My parents bribed me with a toy if I stayed in bed for a week. After a week, I was conditioned to want to sleep in the bed alone, and I got a toy as well. Worked for me, and it might work for you.

Dunno, I didn't have a room to myself until I was a junior in college.

I would lie in bed with my son some times until he fell asleep, until he was eight. Its just like he need a 'cool down" or something, like when he had a bad day. There was something about having me there would just simmer him down, like all the issues of the world go away when your father is next to you, nothing can hurt you.

The one thing I did was made him promise that if he had a son, and his son wanted him to sleep with him, he had to do it.

The other kids (girls) would some time have to sleep with us too. Try not to laugh too hard, I would put my arm in between the mattress and the box springs so I wouldn't roll over on them when I fell asleep. Had to do something. Not easy falling asleep like that.