Do you ever feel emotionally dead on the inside?

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I am sorry that I misinterpreted you. In my case, I do see suicide as a way out, perhaps the only way out (and I will not take it until I'm sure), but I do feel that I can't talk about it, partly because of the sense of dissociation (call it feeling dead, but it goes beyond that). Other factors include the fact that I don't feel I can discuss it with anybody, largely because of the stigma. Just shutting up about it, when there are people who are suicidal who will be missed, and there are people who take their own lives who are missed, and there are those for whom their lives might otherwise get better, seems deeply morally wrong!

You mean everyone else DOESN'T feel that way?

You mean emotionally dead? No, many neurotypicals do not appear, having discussed this with some of them, to experience extremes of emotion. Many seem to be badly impaired in the range and intensity of emotion they experience, especially compared to those of us with experience of mental illness.

This would be consistent with an inability to feel emotionally dead. Weakened, maybe; dead, probably not.

I meant to use sarcasm tags. I thought the would be sufficient notice.

In the fact that a lot of stuff that gets others emotionally worked up over, I'm complacent about makes me feel emotionally dead. Unfortunately I am also highly emotional :/

Note to self: stop and think before you take things literally.

Sorry about that.

Sometimes I feel emotionally dead, but it usually means some deep emotion is about to churn itself up and send me on a crying jag.

I don't feel dead from the lack of social interaction and inability to feel connected to other people...I don't think.
I just sometimes feel dead on the inside. I think it generally happens when I otherwise should be feeling some sort of more extreme emotion based on the situation, but apathy takes over instead.

I became emotionally dulled because I internalized these messages.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-diB65scQU[/youtube]
The message is you are not supposed to be sad, cynical or angry and if you are expressing it is a bad thing.
Wrong, those emotions are part of being human. Granted being happy is just as normal a human emotion. But after all these years of faking happiness when I am legitimately happy I start to question if it is real and repress that also.

Back when I was was growing up it was believed that except for certain appropriate situations males should not express emotions.

So for decades I just repressed most of my emotions. Some people after holding in their emotions become violent. Some repress it away. I believe my gastro issues are a basically a result of this.

My diagnosis gave me the knowledge of how much reason I did have to worry and not be happy. It also made me understand reasons to be happy that I used to think were not legitimate are legitimate. I do feel a lot more alive since I got diagnosed but realize I still have so much more work to do into bring my Aspie self including emotions out.

I really love how the first post articulated so many things about socialization for Aspies. That all rings home to me. With regard to all above posts:

Feeling emotionally dead on the inside usually comes at the point when I'm deprived of physical things: enough exercise, sleep, nutrition, fresh air. And intrinsic things: enough people in my life, feeling for myself that I'm valid just like everyone else, having something special to work on that feels good, and working toward correct (respectful) confrontation with others. A lot of these things I easily forget!

When it is bad (to the point that I'm a walking zombie ready to give up and not want to react to anything anymore - positive or negative) I really need a big challenge or change. I need to go someplace where I can really sleep, baby! I need to go on a walk so long that I might have a freakout for not having anyplace to hide once I get there, and then walk the long road safely back home (trying again to not have a freakout all the way back till home when I can finally have a freakout in the privacy of my own home). I need to eat so much good food that I might not have money on gas (usually just risking a dinner out is only $5.00 for me anyhow without desert, so not really a big deal). I need to watch tons of documentaries about artists and musicians that didn't give up (even when their lives looked grotesquely bad) and had fulfilling lives. I need to keep going to a place that's challenging for me (like church where I work and believe) regularly or mostly regularly.

The balance of the need for social interaction and the stress it creates-a constant quandry! Over many years of feeling, like the OP mentioned, I felt I was putting so much effort into trying to make friends with so few results, I've found my own personal balance is to only participate in organizations-so I have specific roles. Organizations have so much work they need volunteers to do, so the other members appreciate hard workers. I don't go to events within the organization that are strictly social, altho recently I've been able to do even that for brief periods. I've learned also to keep my involvement to specific activities within the organization, so I don't feel too frazzled or have to deal with too many different people. Also, I selected organizations that do what I think is very important work, so that when I feel emotionally stressed, I tell myself to think of the goals and put my personal fears and emotions aside, so I can be focused and effective.

I accept that I'll never be part of a social community in other realms, except with a old few friends and a few relatives, and that sense of acceptance feels very good. Also, it helps if I keep my social interaction with acquaintenances light and brief and let them initiate anything deeper. It so helps if I act friendly and smiley in these interaction, just so I feel prouder of myself, and actually it does change my internal feelings. It doesn't help matters to go around acting like you're a person who is tempermental and easily wounded-I'm kind of old to act like a sulking pre-teen!

Not sure if this is the same as "dead inside," but this past October and midway through November, after my breakup with my gf I just stopped caring about everything. I hardly spoke, I didn't shave or cut my hair, I even lied about being too sick to go to work when I only just wanted to sit at home and mope.

Hi StuckWithin.

I feel the same way you do.

I have tried to figure out why it is I feel this way when most people do not. I think I have understood it now.

I need a different kind of company than many NTs do. This is because I am an innate solo-hunter, while they are innate group-hunters. This means that what motivates them often is,

Competition with others, because they want to remain a part of the group - because without group-belonging the group-hunting cannot continue. Similar to the attitude of a dog.

On the other hand, what often encourages me is,

Encouragement/praise between me and others, because I want to remain independent - because without independence the solo-hunting cannot continue. Similar to the attitude of a cat.


I find that the reason why I am often emotionally dead on the inside is because I am always met by the competitive aspect of socialisation, not the encouraging/prasing one.

When someone tells me:

"Wow, did you do that, that is well done!"

I get motivated and want to do even better.

I think it is opposite for many NTs. When they hear:

"Ah, I think you could have done that better, look at what I did"

they get motivated to become better to still be accepted by the group.


At least that is a theory of mine.

Thanks Qawer, I really like your response. As I read it, the way your reasoning unfolded was immediately sensible to me.

This is exactly true for me. When I was a kid I stayed away from anything requiring competition, especially team sports. If prompted to participate, I would get all sulky and almost on the verge of wanting to cry, thinking that there must be winners and losers. Because of my physical awkwardness, I would always end up a loser- so I hated competition, period. The rowdiness of sports also maxed out my nervous system and I would get physically ill (nauseous in fact) when forced into a place full of boorish, screaming people.

I much preferred solitary pursuits like music, reading and building models. I could perfect my work, without having to compete against anyone.

I think that this has, however, hurt me in that today as an adult I am largely that solitary animal. Yet the workplace values teams more and more than ever.

That is very true.

This means our genes are not very fit for survival. It is that simple. Life is testing how fit our genes are, and it turns out that having AS is a huge disadvantage. I decide to love myself anyway. But the less fit one is for survival the harder it will be to genuinely feel good, because feeling good really equals doing well survival wise (according to one's own survival criteria that is - but without food, water, shelter one is likely to not feel well).

This is probably irelevant, but there is one book which perfectly describes this experience. It's called Villette by Charlotte Bronte. Totally changed my life.