are aspie women more social

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I met my husband in Sunday School (young single adult class, 18-35yo). He spoke little to no English at the time, but the Spanish language church he attended had no single women in his age bracket, only teens and women in their late 30's, and of course married women. He had a Puerto Rican friend who attended my class and knew I spoke Spanish. (I think I was required to introduce myself and tell about myself the first time I attended, and I would have said that I had just graduated college with a double major in Spanish & Special Education: Hearing Impaired, because I have no idea what else I could have said in response to "tell us about yourself". I don't really remember much about that class, though, since it was about 23 years ago.) The friend brought him to our class, and asked me to sit with Rene (my husband) in church since the friend was in the band or choir. After church, he asked me for a date, and about a year later we were married.

I was a little more social before I got married---I went to church on Sunday morning (Sunday School & church), Sunday night, and Wednesday night. I also went to work, and to the library once a week. Over the years for various reasons that has dwindled to just Sunday morning church and weekly library. Oh, and weekly grocery store. That is pretty much the sum total of my socialization, though this year I have been taking my daughter to a monthly teen homeschool meeting, which has a socialization segment at the end. Pretty much I sit or stand at the fringes during that part and watch people talking. Sometimes someone talks with me.

I ain't.

But I'm less a "woman" and more like a pseudo-male, so I'm not the best source.

I can strongly relate to things that both hurtloam & Buttercup added. I'm undiagnosed, & only recently came to the realisation that I might have Asperger's/be on the spectrum.

I've had problems being social since primary school. At the moment I can't get out much because of health problems (M.E/CFS) + I have no friends locally anymore, & the handful I do have live too far away (or in another country) for me to see regularly. I haven't been out socially for over 2 years & though i miss it, it's very hard for me when I do.

I find being social, whether on or offline, a minefield really. Like Buttercup, I think I'm there for my friends (in good times or bad) but that, more often than not, is not reciprocated. I also find navigating socially exhausting & emotionally difficult, & find myself getting more engrossed in my hobbys/interests when things get too much with people.

In group dynamics I find it especially hard, & I never feel like I fit in or am accepted or liked in a group situation. Whether it was at the LGBT group when I was at Uni, or group situations relating to a hobby, whatever, it's just always been very difficult & stressful.

Recently I've been trying to reach out again & attempt to make new connections & friendships, but it hasn't been going well. I don't know what it is but i often feel like I repel people, like water against an oily surface. It would be nice to have friends locally, or closer, or even a relationship (which I haven't had for 7+ years) but it just feels too hard most of the time.

My being female does absolutely nothing to help me socialize.

I am terribly socially awkward and I don't read faces well, and socializing can stress me out.
I've been a despised outcast nearly all of my life.

I don't know really. Every Aspie male who I have met or seen on a documentary on TV or Youtube seems to be less lonely than Aspie females I have met/heard about. I'm not saying Aspie females aren't more social. I think that statement is true, but ironically it seems that Aspie males seem to have an easier time forcing themselves to get out and meet people, I don't know.

While I am able to hide my Asperger's by making normal eye contact, smiling, having a sense of humour that I share with others, not taking everything literally, not looking or acting like a geek, etc, etc, I seem unable to form close friendships with people, and it is rare that I will find myself actually fitting in and being invited out with people. Yet a male that I know, who is a little bit older than me and has (diagnosed) Asperger's Syndrome, has a small group of NT male friends who he spends a lot of time with outside of work. He's known them since college and is still friends with them. They enjoy going out to the bar on Saturdays, where he gets the chance to meet even more people.

I've never had that chance. I sometimes wonder if I was an Aspie boy instead of a girl, would I have more chance of having a small group of friends to do things with? Perhaps males are more tolerant of each other, I don't know.

Only if I feel forced to.

Yes I feel it is much less acceptable to be a socially challenged female and much more acceptable to be a socially challenged male. But I haven't seen the other side. I knowi appear superficially social, but am very lonely because I not really accepted anywhere.

Yeah,Im notice alot more socially challenge and Lonely Aspie
women on this board.

But why is this?

I meant,Im been seeing more lonely Aspie women,Than I
have been.

This female isn't. I have read in the past that because girls are raised to be more social, we ARE a little bit more at ease -- even being autistic -- than men generally are. That could be part of the reason why girls are diagnosed less often than boys.

I've never been comfortable in social situations. I can handle one or two people -- I actually enjoy conversing one-on-one with people -- but the bigger the group gets, the more I pull back. It's not the crowd itself -- I have no problem at sporting events or music concerts (except for the shoving). It's the juggling of conversation and the difficulty in talking about something that someone is interested in besides me. I have kind of high-falutin' interests -- foreign films, religion/philosophy, photography, genealogy -- while most of the people in my area (rural, geographically isolated and culturally backwards) are country folks, and they talk about hunting, fishing, their children and their aches and pains. There is some religion talk, but only fundamentalist protestant. If I was to bring up other belief systems -- Hindu, Buddhism, Taoism -- I'd either get a blank look, or a promise that they will pray over me that I "get right with Jesus".

Oddly enough, I'm considered a "people person" -- HA! It makes me laugh to even type that -- at work. For some reason completely unknown to me, when I standing behind a counter waiting on customers (I'm a grocery cashier) I'm the most bubbly, flirty vivacious woman you ever saw. Why can I not do that in social situations? I obviously have it in me. Could it be a control thing? I'm in control and aware of expectations in the store, whereas at a party I'm not? Is it the counter? When I'm behind it I feel safe, but exposed when I'm away from it? Not really looking for answers -- don't want to hijack the thread -- but I am curious why I can't translate my work personality to my social life.

So,My theory may be true,the aspie women who
have the highest success of getting ''partners''(sexual,romantic)
are more social and put themselves out there.Plus
they probaly pickup interest cues,and come off as friendly

The Aspie women,who are less successful at getting Partners,
are less social,and isolated themselves.Plus they probaly
have social anxiety,and possible come off as ''rude'',''standoffish''

It's similar for me. I have almost a totally separate personality for work. I can be really chatty and bubbly with people. But I can run into the same people when I'm not working and just draw a total blank. I just can't find anything to say to them without the context of my job. Work is mostly conversations made up of pleasantries or talk about business. If people try to turn the conversation to more personal things I am lost though. It's almost like following a script, not like I am just reciting lines to people but I need to have specific things to talk to them about.

The place you live, sounds just like the place I live. I just don't have much in common with people where I live. So I don't know what I can talk to them about.

Personally, no. I don't quite get why people meet others from the same group i.e because they have the same hobby (or maybe I'm just that bad at getting along with people I don't even attempt to go to these group meetups) and the the little socializing I do doesn't really hold socializing in mind. Apart from hanging out with my one friend most of the times a special interest involves some form of socializing such as seeing bands and meeting comic book/ sci-fi heroes. Although I've never been to a convention yet. I 'd love to go though only because of my special interests.

I'm not completely asocial but it's so hard for me to fit in, say the right things and understand another person that it just seems like such a chore to me. I have plenty of solitary interests to occupy myself with.

What I think helps my social skills is I do pick up things, analyze a lot and can mimic social behaviour. Although the latter makes me stand out more. I mimic people who I take an interest in, not exactly a person who can blend well within a group. I sometimes have a bit of an old fashioned English gentleman vocabulary about myself. I'm not sure if that will make me feel better around the typical young Australian adult but it's just something that happens that I have no control over. Sometimes these accents I put on help me to say certain things or more things. I have more awareness about myself too and I wonder if that's got anything to do with being a female with autism or whether it's just a part of my personality. I can quickly learn new social skills now. Putting them into practice is a whole other story.

I care very little about social things. I do want to volunteer with special education children, not because I am social but I want to do something I love anyway.