Socially challanged? Learn an instrument

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Do you struggle with social situations? Here's my recommendation, learn an instrument and preferably an unusual one.

I speak as someone who used to be incredibly shy, to the point that I wouldn't leave the house on my own. But I have been able to overcome this by learning to play the Ocarina, a ceramic musical instrument originating from Budrio, Italy. I started playing in public, initially at my local folk club then branching further afield. Everywhere I've been my music has drawn attention, people curious about the instrument, especially when I reveal that I made it myself.

Over time these contacts grew into friends and my confidence in social environments has come on leaps and bounds. While still imperfect, it's always developing.

So to develop your confidence learn an instrument and start playing in public, music clubs and open mics are a great place to start. And guess what, nobody will care if you get nervous. The first time I played in public I froze for ages, but carried on and the audience still applauded. They can see you are trying and *will* support you for that. You cannot be a shy musician, music is sound and other people hearing it is unavoidable.

Many people will be mesmerised simply because you can play an instrument, even to a basic level. There is a belief that music is terribly difficult, but it isn't. It just takes a little practice and determination.

Like you say, over time it leads to friends. Sometimes over time and a series of medium steps, an acquaintance will become a friend and sometimes the magic won't happen. And this might be obvious to you, might be obvious to a lot of other people, but I need to point it out for myself.

I want to promote light touch, and the idea that sometimes a social method works and sometimes it doesn't, almost like the luck of the draw.

That's very amusing, because I know another Aspie who plays two musical instruments and makes one of them, a folk instrument, by hand as a hobby. He's quite talented and the sweetest guy you could ever want to meet, but when the subject of music comes up, run for your life. He will talk about his instruments and his personal obsession with them until your ears bleed. He's one of those Aspergians who thinks he's quite social, but who simply takes over and dominates the conversation by never breathing long enough for anyone else to get a word in edgewise. All you can do is wait for him to finish his lecture and move on to the next audience (victim). It's a bit of a relief when he stops talking long enough to actually play something, but you still can't leave without seeming rude.

Sounds good to me.

I play accordion and it hasn't helped my social life. Sometimes I get a bit carried away with talking about it, but I can read enough social cues to know when to stop.

1. AS is not social anxiety.

2. Nor is it "a lack of confidence".

3. I play 12 instruments. I'm still socially ret*d.

I'm glad you found something to help your social phobia, though.

Alas my dixpraxia - I don't stand a chance

In my case music is probably the only socially acceptable form of talking to oneself via overdubbing on multitrack. In a live situation it's just another weird genius scenario. The real talent of a band always sleeps alone