Just found out im Asexual

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Interested to read this thread.

My wife and I have been asexual for almost 9 years now. Prior to getting married I'd get a "boner" if I merely see an attractive girl. Since my wife got pregnant We both seem to have totally lost our libido. Apparently this is not unusual.

It's actually beyond ignorant to make judgements over people's decisions over their sexuality. People who cast judgement over others for not having sex are likely hiding the fact the act of sex is horribly overrated. Even tantric sex touted as a spiritually uplifting experience is just the use of sex as a vehicle for getting "high".

Whether one chooses to have monogamous sex, multiple sex partners, homosexual relations or no sex is really a personal private thing that should be left in people's bedrooms and not in gossip columns.

Asexuality is not the same thing as lack of libido, nor is it due to sexual dysfunction. It's more like a person's basic sexual orientation. Some people are straight, others are gay, others are bisexual... Asexual is if you're none of those things, and basically you don't feel sexual attraction toward anyone, ever.

I never even heard of it until I was 39, but it definitely describes how I've always felt (even though I was married for 13 years). I never felt any kind of physical attraction toward my husband; I just liked him as a person. And I was secretly traumatized and nauseated by sex, but I went along with it, because it was expected of me.

As an undiagnosed autistic, I'd spent a lifetime trying to 'act normal' regardless of how I really felt, and this was just another example of me trying to conform, without really understanding why.

<--- Asexual.

Life is inconvenient to say the least...
Am looking over the dawn of a potential relationship...
And she is VERY sexual...
And I couldn't care if I never had sex again...
I want a group conscience on this, my brothers and sisters on the Spectrum...
Do I just let this slide to friendship, which for me, is far from a second best...
But still, the call of a partner...
Someone you can call yours and vice versa...
All and any input is welcome...
Believe me, I need it right now...

Welcome to the club.

Asexual/Sexual marriages can succeed, with a lot of work, and depending on the people involved. It does involve compromise, and it won't work unless both parties agree that there are much more important things about the relationship than having or not having sex. If you're interested, you should go to AVEN forums and ask there.

It's actually a lot of the same problems that are faced by a couple when one partner realizes they are gay (or comes out after hiding it from the world). Sometimes the couple really love each other, but the sexual attraction just isn't compatible, and sometimes in those situations they make it work somehow. There have even been situations where they arranged rather unusual relationships... for example, an open marriage with each partner having sex with a compatible person, while remaining married and emotionally attached to each other much like best friends are. It's probably a really odd situation to live in, but if they make it work and nobody's heart is getting broken, I guess I can't complain about it.

Whatever you do, though... if you decide to break up because one partner is ace and the other isn't, please do keep the friendship. Friends are so important. As an asexual person, I know how intimate and valuable friendships are--and they can be just as intimate as romantic relationships; don't let anybody tell you that "just friends" means friendship isn't as real or close. It will probably be pretty awkward at first, but friendship is worth it.