Volume and tone of your voice

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I rarely get comments, but that makes it worse, as I am never sure if I have done the right thing or not. I speak fast and much when enjoying myself and get frustrated when people interrupt me before I have finished; I mean, if they don't know all the ifs buts and maybes of what I am saying, how are they going to interpret it in order to respond? Because I have a loud voice, people often assume I am angry when I am merely annoyed.

People are always asking me to repeat myself, so I assume that I mostly speak too softly. Apparently I can't adjust the volume of my voice to compensate for ambient noise, so in a quiet setting (indoors, no music or TV), most people can hear me okay, but I can't seem to ramp it up as needed in a restaurant or traveling in a vehicle.

My AS fiance always spoke very loudly (I called it "booming"). He never had a problem hearing/understanding me, however, and his loudness never bothered me, even though I am very sensitive to sounds. Occasionally I would suggest he dial it back a bit, if we were talking about something personal in a public place, for example.

I can easily vary my tone/inflection. I can sing fairly well, and I can judge the pitch of the note coming out of my mouth. I've been a practicing attorney for almost 30 years, and I can use inflection, and even dramatic inflection, when addressing a jury.

However, I routinely get told that my voice "carries" when I'm trying to speak softly. Say, when I'm trying to say an aside to a colleague in a meeting, or when a court is in session.

I get this all the time, even from my wife, who has been living with me for nearly nine years and has grown accustomed to most of my quirks. People often tell me that I either mumble or shout. I get complaints about being too loud all the time. The common Aspie problem of not being able to control vocal tone is in my case exacerbated by the fact that I grew up in a large, noisy family in which it was often necessary to shout just to get a word in edgewise. The problem I then run into is that I sometimes overcompensate by speaking to quietly and indistinctly.

It's something of a constant struggle in our household between my NT wife, who will listen for vocal tone and miss the exact wording of sentences, and me, with my tendency to choose my words very carefully but sometimes deliver them in a fashion that apparently contradicts the meaning I'm trying to convey.

I don't generally sound monotonous, except on the phone. Some people tell me that my phone voice sounds angry or depressed. Others tell me that I sound bored or irritable. When I've heard myself on the phone (voicemail messages, etc.), I find myself to sound very flat and lacking inflection.

I am always told I am too quiet, always have to repeat myself, although I always think I sound loud enough.

On the other hand, If I talk about special interests or am excited about something, my voice is very loud and people beg me to stop, can't win.