What do you do when people put their hand on your shoulder?

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I squirm myself away.

I flinch away from them, sometimes I jump a bit because of the shock. It startles me. My dad's new wife likes to do that a lot when she's talking to me.

i run away

It doesn't happen to me very often, but a few years ago I worked with a man who put his arm round my shoulders a couple of times. I froze, and couldn't see or hear anything for the time his arm was on me. I was sexually abused as a child, and I think that is why I respond like that. I am getting better at hugs with people I know, and with whom I choose to have physical contact, but sudden, unexpected and uninvited contact causes me to shut down.

Probably sometimes out of fellow feeling, othertimes people probably to it out of some oneupsmanship thing. It's probably better to assume it's goodnatured unless it's really obvious otherwise.

Now, as someone who studies martial arts, you know no one thing always works. Two possibilities:

One method is to pat their opposite shoulder twice in a gesture for completeness. Hey, how are you doing. (this is similar to a gentle pat on the back to signal a hug is over) You can even go for the diagonal shoulder and that gives you a little safety and protection with your arm between.

More low-key is to say, Hey, how it's going, and then an artful, confident, medium-distance, subtle, yes, all of that, step to the side where it's difficult for them to continue to keep their hand on your shoulder. And I think martial arts training would help with this part, too.

Urgh. I'm wiggling my shoulders just imagining it. I try to subtly disengage. I assume the person doesn't mean it intentionally although it's uncomfortable. I now become distracted from the conversation while I try to resolve the problem of getting away from that hand. Stretching my arms or 'accidentally' dropping something seems to work. I once slapped someone's hand and pretended I saw a fly.

I can't think of a time when anyone has put their hand on my shoulder...it has probably happened sometime but I guess not in several years. What usually happens is that people come up to me and put their arm around me or hug me from the side.

I am not thrilled about people touching me like that, especially unexpectedly when they have just walked up. But a sideways hug is not as intimate or overwhelming as a front facing hug, so I don't really object to it. I tend to freeze up momentarily and lose track of what I am saying or thinking but not in a really noticeable way.

But when I imagine someone touching me on the shoulder, I picture them standing in front of me facing me and it seems more like a gesture of control and dominance. Kind of like they are going to hold me in place to make sure I listen to what they say. I don't know how I would react to that.

Threaten to set myself on fire!
Nah just kidding :p I don't mind that or other contact.

On a second thought it is somewhat annoying but certainly not offensive (to me).

I flinch away like their hand was a hot iron. If im deeply absorbed in something, i go ballistic.
grownups always want to clap boys on the shoulder or grab them by the shoulders.
I usually just keep my distance as best as i can

Because I'm a priest, when I stand outside the church after mass, some ladies think they can touch my back or arm when they are talking to me, and I absolutely can't stand it. For starters, I can't manage light touches, only firm ones. Secondly, they have no business touching me for whatever reason, just as I have no business touching them. An inappropriate touch from someone can turn me from a gentle lamb into a lion in zero seconds flat.

I immediately turn my body away from their hand so that it can't touch me, and I also I jerk back, so that I communicate nonverbally. If they persist even a little, I immediately say, "Excuse me, but please don't touch me that way?" Then they always say, "Oh, well I was just trying to be kind (whatever)," and you know what? Their intentions are irrelevant. It's my personal space. So then I have to say, "That's extremely inappropriate, so don't do that again." Then they get upset, but that is their problem. I'm not a teddy bear, I'm a priest of God. Stay out of my space! Just thinking about it makes me angry.

Oh come now, it's not that bad. They mean well, no need to be inconsiderate of their feelings. Sometimes I hug my friends or pat them, it's ok It is just a show of affection, no need to anger ourselves over this.

Usually my heart just races a bit and I feel uncomfortable. The last time this happened it was my cousin and I just moved slightly and his arm fell but he was too busy to notice so I didn't feel weird doing this. Usually though it's not someone I know very well and I instead stand there feeling awkward and stressed about it my mind racing with the whole "i don't like this it's annoying me what should I do, why are they touching me, god! when are they going to stop doing that and move" sometimes I don't even get everything they're saying.

Other times I don't care very much though I can't think of any situations where this actually was the case but I can't say without a doubt that it hasn't happened before.

It's fine when I do it, just not others. It's similar to hugs.

It rarely happens to me (since I generally don't interact with anyone at all) – but the few times it has, I've just been kind of surprised and confused. It's usually older ladies trying to be nice to me, and explaining what I'm supposed to be doing, as if I'm a lost child. And I wonder - do I really look so clueless? (Based on how people treat me, I'm guessing the answer is yes! Haha)

But I don't freak out from being touched. That must be awful.

Jump.

Then I look at them with an incredulous 'why would you do that' face. That sends the message.

HAH, I have had that happen Co-workers at this place treated me like their child (I was the youngest there). They gave me rides to places, were very tolerant of me, always wanted to play with me :p Nice people.

I think I like contact much more when I initiate it. Surprisingly when dogs come to show me affection it makes me very happy.

It rarely happens to me (since I generally don't interact with anyone at all) – but the few times it has, I've just been kind of surprised and confused. It's usually older ladies trying to be nice to me, and explaining what I'm supposed to be doing, as if I'm a lost child. And I wonder - do I really look so clueless? (Based on how people treat me, I'm guessing the answer is yes! Haha)

But I don't freak out from being touched. That must be awful.