I deleted my best friend :(

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i really feel like talking to some1 about this i feel like crap about deleting my friend, i feel to stupid to talk about this in real life so i thought i write it here maybe it reliefs me.

i have asperger al my life. in my free time i like to play on playstation, i got into a online multiplayer where u can play 2gheter with other friends, i made friends with a guy and girl, and we always play 2ghter i would say we are quite good friends, we are friends for almost 3 years, i never said anything about my private life in those 3 years never i just played and enjoy teaming up with these 2 friends. they always invite me 2 a chat, i dont talk much im verry quiet, and they noticed sometimes they make jokes of it in a friendly way, i dindt mind that, i was happy with it they never asked me why i was so quiet and neither did i say, it was fine with me. we kinda formed a clan 2gheter and made other friends join us, it was nice to play as a clan. we all just enjoyed playing 2gheter they accpeted that i was quiet and we only talked about the game.

untill recently i played a other game with this girl, i asked if she maybe maybe wanted to talk on the headset, since its easier for me to talk, then expressing myself to writing, she said okay, somehow we had a terrible connection and it took long b4 we where abe 2 hear each other, i talked to her i said hello and stuff and wich game mode she wanted to play, and she responded normal to me. the connection on the headset got terrible and i think she decicde to turn it off. we played and everything was fine, untill the next n8

she invite me as ussely to oure favorite game, but a friend of her joined and this friend had a headset on and said to me sarah told me u where verry quiet on the headset, i dnt know how i responded to it i think i kinda ignored it in the chat, i dindt find it a big of deal. untill the next day i started thinking about it, "why did this friend of her said i was quiet?" i became verry akward suddenly and thought they where talking about me and making jokes of me becuase i was quiet, but i wasnt even quiet on the headset lol.

i ended up deleting my friends and said that it is nothing personal and that i have trouble talking, and that it is difficult to join the chat and stuff i told them i have autism i never said anything about my private life in 3 years. and suddenly it became mess,

i really enjoyed playing with these guys, i wouldnt say we where best friends ever, but we where verry good friends on playstation. the guy friend responded verry nice to me and said he understand me and that he wanted me to reconsider my discion, the girl friend was kinda short off, she said something like "suit urself " and that she would miss me.

i re added these two friends and said i was sorry 4 it . and they accepted it. and it looked fine and like things never happend. ...b4 all this crap i asked these 2 friends if they wanted to play borderlands2 with me 2gheter since its a nice coop game, they said sure we try. the guy friend reminded me of me inviting him for borderlands and said "hey what about this game are we gonna play it" the girl friend never said anything about it, i ended up asking her quite some times, she always said "sure ill download it 2mor" or something like that, i ended up playing it 2gheter with the guy friend it was nice,

i msg the girl friend a couple of times and said "hey i miss u on bl2 it would be nice if u joined us" i cant remember how she responded but i think it was something like sure ill dwnload or smthing like that, i dindt make big deal of it, i asked again bit later and said something like "some friend are u u promised me to play it with me" i ment it in a joking way, i dindt mean to annoy her about bl2 lol, but i think she took it that way she said again sure ill dwnload it 2mor and i 4got about it.

i thought okay cool finally she gonna play it, i finsihed the game with the guy friend by the time she finally downloaded it lol, and somehow communications from here on with her started to get hmmm not verry comfortable. then she finally begun playing bl2 i thought cool finally, i asked her "u like bl2?" and she said "yeah its fun have a friend helping me" i thought i asked u to play it with me and u said yes and stuff, not sure if i took it the wrong way but i ended up not responding to her msg anymore, and after a while she said "okay umm i wont msg u again" i said that maybe i took it the wrong way and that im sorry for my behavior i thought i was beeing rude, she said "i kinda thought that" and i explain it to her that i thought that she rather play it with her friend then with me and she said "no sure ill would ask u to join me just im not able for the game" i thought okay, i saw her play it quiet a few times and ended up asking if she want me to help her on it, im not sure what she said anymore but she said smthing like sure, then she asked me after a while i said "no thanks u had a chance to play with me and u never ask me b4 and now ask me" she said okay "wooow i wont ask again" after a while i ended up saying lets 4get about this bl2 crap and bla bla ,

i ended up explaining to her about that n8 where her friend said that i was quiet and that i thought i did something wrong, she said "we all said u where quiet and we never ment it in a bad way, and she said i dnt wanna be the cause of all trouble and i wont invite u again and bla bla" i explained to her that it couldve been any1 that couldve triggerd it it was not her fault and i said okay lets 4get about all this crap and go bk to how things where b4 the deleting, she said "okay im up for that and bla bla" and so things where a bit bk to normal she invite me a few times to bl2 and i helped her and it was fun,

somehow i felt like i forced her to play this game with me lol, but i dindt think about that much, then 1 n8 she said hey are u up for bl2 and i said sure, i was playing it and she said "ill be on soon" i thought coool then she msg me "5min" and then she msg me or do u want to play the other multiplayer game and she went to a other game, i said "lol u play it" and l8 that n8 i deleted her, i thought that wasnt verry friendly of her, next day i wrote her a msg saying

"we know each other for 3 years now maybe u 4got, gd or bad times,
it doesnt matter to me, bad times i tried 2 help u or listen to u, i gve u respect i nevr blanked u out or acted ignorance to u. i feel like u do to me, it all cool tho, just b better this way i dnt have to deal with communications and u not with me"

i mean to say i was always there for her as friend sometimes she msg me about her private crap, something like hey my cat died and my dad was in hospital, i always listend to her and replied to her even if it was difficult for me to talk.

i kinda feel like she just acted kinda ignorant 2me, but i dnt for sure maybe its just my autism, i mean to me it felt like she rather not want to play borderlands with me and that she kinda ignored me when she invite me she was already somewhere lvl 25, and sometimes she dindt respond to my msg's, ive never been anoying or spammed her with invites, i just ask sometimes if she wants to play it

i ended up asking the guy friend and he said "yes its not verry nice i wouldnt do it like that" and he said "u shouldve msg her saying u think its not verry nice of her"

i said yes thats true but that i kinda did that already in my own words, and i said im happy with it and its the best solution maybe.

she never said anything to me since i delete her, im not sure maybe i acted like a attention maybe my reaction is normal, i have no idea, and it bothers me because it was always nice to play with her and him. i kinda feel like she just acted kinda ignorant 2me, but i dnt for sure maybe its just my autism, i mean to me it felt like she rather not want to play borderlands with me and that she kinda ignored me when she invite me she was already somewhere lvl 25, and sometimes she dindt respond to my msg's, ive never been anoying or spammed her with invites, i just ask sometimes if she wants to play it

what do u guys think did i overreacted? or have ive been normal, maybe i shoudnt deleted her and just said it to her it was not verry nice, but i was kinda scared i get a other "woooow" msg lol.

im not atracted to her sure i like her, just as friends these 2 friends always made me feel welcome and never cared about me beeing quiet. and i apreciate that, but for me it feels whole this borderlands inviting made things a mess, and that she was kinda ignorant towards me

feel bit better now writing this down, just i wished i never ment my autism i nevr did in those 3 years and now suddely it came out it just online but 2 be honest it was always verry nice we where good friends not best ever or soulmates, but just verry good friends.

sure it hurts, but you live and learn. you know now to tread more lightly. you are fortunate to learn this lesson while you are still young and with time to change course.

to me deleting someone is a pretty drastic step.
i would not do it unless i meant it to be permanent.
Personally im very up front about my autism because i know those who like me
will want to do chat and i cant. I can not type well and am basically nonverbal for
headset. they are a little miffed because they want to socialize with me but understand.

I only read about half since I am slow reader. Next time take the easy way out and just blame the deleting it on a technical error.