What do you do when people put their hand on your shoulder?

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I'm sorry if my attitude seems rude, but it's inappropriate behavior. I'm not talking about a family member or a buddy, I'm talking about ladies whom I hardly know rubbing their hands lightly back and forth on my back in a "motherly way" (sorry, I already have a mother, thank you!).

To make my point, If I were to do that to a woman in my parish, I could be reported for harassment.

I don't find it offensive but it startles me and I don't like it as it's unexpected so I flinch away automatically.

To me, it's like their hand is made of ice, to which I flinch away uncomfortably. I don't mind hugging and holding hands, but shoulder touching feels more invasive for some reason.

When someone touches my shoulder I tense. If they don't remove it right away I have been known to take a step to the side, out from under the offending hand.

Pretty much the same here. I can feel my body tense up when I see that someone is about to touch me (arm, shoulder, etc.). I don't know how people can't see it, because it feels like my eyes open twice as much as normal, like I am watching some horrible accident taking place and there is nothing I can do about it.

If they don't take it away right away, and I cant walk away without being to obvious. I usually fake answer my phone, and say excuse me to get away. If my kids are close by, I will sometimes act as if I need to go tend to them.

I tense up.
I try not to flinch, though I usually do, at least a bit.

Depending on the person and their perceived intentions I might move away or say 'Don't touch me!' but I know that's not the right thing to do so I usually don't say that even if I squirm away.
If I like the person and they're clearly just being friendly, I generally don't say anything about it unless it comes up in conversation at which point I'd explain that I don't really like it, but that because it is them and I like them that it's sort of ok.

However, surprising me physically is a bad idea in general.
My last big meltdown was when a guy in the office slapped me on the butt when I was intent on something.
I almost attacked the guy.
Took all my willpower and a calm co-worker talking me down to prevent it.
As it was, the murderous expression on my face scared the crap out of the guy.

It annoys me but I don't get too upset.

I hugged a girl with Autism and she flipped out and ran away crying. That made me feel like a monster. Still not over that.

I think physical touch is an area where I have hyposensitivity, rather than hypersensitivity. As a kid I detested being kissed, but I learned to endure it – the same way I endured being sexually abused as a teenager. I can tolerate rape without flinching, so a touch on the shoulder doesn't even register with me.

I only say this as an illustration of how autistic traits can present in polar opposite ways, depending on the person, or the circumstances. In my case, I learned to 'switch off' and become numb to it.

Depending on who they are, I either just wince, or scream and/or try to get them off me.
As a child I used to even physically attack people who touched me on the shoulders if they were not my parents.

bad feeling, try get away, or inside away, after freek out, for long time after someone touches, feels that part of them stuck to you, then found science say DNA transfers from touch, from someone sitting on chair etc... so is reason, science showing
sensitive to that, feel other persons part of them touch you, , not like that,
only if person really feeling sendiing you love thats real, and allow you being yourself and respec or what word mean?, not know how say, if could be sometime ok,
most people touch, fake,
also its they touch transfering their spirit, their energy and its getting mixed with yours and its not good , its not good mixing, its not good not like other their energy and sometimes some touch and taking your energy, taking your energy to get for them, like to make them more energy , then take away from your energy , not good this

Right, but what if you went up to a total stranger and tried hugging them or started patting them
on the back without warning? That is what it is like for me.
A- I have to know the person really well.
B - They have to not surprise me with it.

Except for my cousin. For some reason he has always been able to get away with most anything.

Bodyles, I hope you reported him for sexual harassment, that is not proper work place behavior.

If I see them coming I back away and shake my head. I wish I could say "no" but lose the ability to speak when startled like that.

Still freak out, maybe hit the person. Normally I try to keep my distance or move away.

I forgot about those circumstances.

Though the hand-on-shoulder thing is not customary in my circles, what is not unusual is a hello/goodbye hug when meeting. And by hug I mean one of those quick, A-frame, Hollywood hugs; roughly equivalent to a bro-hug. Most everyone I would count in that circle is in recovery, which is sort of like a spiritual fellowship in some ways, so that sort of hug is rather automatic, like a handshake.

But hand-on-the-shoulder while talking is not customary, and would make me uncomfortable.

I take the same approach when I am acting in any sort of professional or authority capacity. I do not touch people.

When doing photography and I need to give someone a wardrobe adjustment, I first say what I am going to do, and then if possible use a something like chopsticks to do it.

I can also see how clergy could be subject to the motherly-touch phenomena. However well intentioned, it is not appropriate and it annoys me just to think about it.

It wasn't a co-worker, it was a consultant, but yeah, he was duly informed that that kind of behavior is unacceptable.