"Hans, you severely underestimate your social skills!&q

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It started with the subject about either buying a house or renting a house. "I told my group home counselor that I prefer to rent a house because it would easier to move when I once have a relationship. But I am not a man to have a relationship with."
She: "How so?"
I: "You know... I am autistic, so I lack social skills."
She disagrees and told me that I underestimate or think too low about myself. "You are socially capable enough, to have a relationship."
I: "Hm... I never had a relationship. I always think I am too weird and too clumsy towards women."
She still thinks that it is not true.

I am still confused. It is said that I am polite, joyful, friendly and a bit flirtatious towards women. I still think that the diagnoses I had when I was 4 years old (autistic, but very intelligent) and 30 years old (PDD/NOS) is still correct.

I had a (non-sexual) date with a woman who told me that I definitely should see and date women. Yeah... right. Date women... False hope perhaps? "You are good enough! You definitely must get rid of your negative feelings!"

I honestly doubt whether they are right. I am 47, close to 48, so I don't understand why I should think, I have still a chance. Are those false hope rightful, or have I been poisoned with these negative thoughts?

Sounds like you definitely have some issues with low self esteem.

Even if they are overestimating your abilities, it seems likely you are underestimating them.

There's no reason why you can't find someone in your late 40s.

Relationships still take a lot of work and it's within them where your lack of social skills come out. That's pretty much how I figured out I was autistic. I'm robotic, not romantic at all. In my country the men are seen as these emotionless beings and I seem that way too. It's a stereotype yes but in Australia we take out stereotypes seriously. Anyway, I wonder if I'll do better with a man who wasn't that romantic.

My social skills can seem alright so people think I should date people too but it's not just about getting along with people short term.

Still, at your age and if you worked on some social skills you could still date women. I've never actually dated but had relationships. Usually we're friends first.

No one would have trouble with relationships if being social were as easy as they say it is.

i hear that line from people fairly often. "you did fine" or something to that effect. but its hard to explain to them how tiring that is and how managing to be fine one day, for an hour or so, is not indicative of all other times.

Heh.

My psychiatrists have told me I overestimate mine.

I agree with others that you should probably work on your self-esteem.

Hmmm, how to say it.

I don't think we have large problems with one-to-one conversations. The thinking part of our brains can cover for the lack of whatever magic NT's have that we don't. Its the large groups, where its not one to each person but all the other connections, and trying to sort and think through it all and trying to predict how that person would feel, and trying to read body language, that's were we fall apart. Or at least that is how I understand it after reading Robison's book.

You probably have a bunch of life experiences were you did something and it didn't work out, so you don't do it again. For instance, for me, I have learned never to say to someone that they look like someone else,, for some reason people get mad, I don't know why, I will probably never know why, but just don't do it.

A group of 4 or 5 people besides myself, is the most I can handle and I've done fairly well in it, as long as the conversation involves something I can relate to/care about.

Though 1-on-1 or 2 other people is easiest for me. Keeping track of things is no work at all.

I have possibly a low self-esteem issue. That is because of what is generally known about autism: lack of social skills, even if it is true that there are difference in social skills between the autistics, even without an intellectual impairment (below-average IQ).

A second point is that I have been bullied for years and that slowed down my social progressions, although social skills are found pretty important by me. I never had a relationship and the work I do is not the work that I actually want. My salary is partly paid by the school and partly paid by the municipality where I belong.

On the other side, I am said to be very popular between colleagues and while traveling a fair amount of women make or try to make eye-contact with me. I am also said to be a flirt, although I wanted to be friendly. I smile a lot and I take to people, as soon as I trust them. On the other hand, I also like joking with women, more than once when I think they like me (companionship, not necessarily to have a (sexual) relationship). Despite of that, I still think I am clumsy.

Not every woman cares about those things.
There are plenty of women out there who value intelligence and loyalty and other qualities you probably possess.
You're probably not well suited for "dating games" but what thinking person is?

Yes, I agree; autistic people can and do find love. I don't think your counselor is implying that you don't have social skills problems; she just thinks that you are capable, despite those problems, of finding a partner. My guess is that, yes, you are. People with quite severe autism have gotten married. The only thing you need, really, is the ability to care about another person, to communicate with them well enough to maintain that relationship, and the desire to make it official. Don't be desperate about it, though--people who just constantly dwell on the idea of dating or getting married tend to get anxious and miss the good parts of life. Just do what you can to meet people you might like, and spend time with those you find you do like, and if you happen to fall in love, then it happens; and if not, you got to meet some friends.