The social convention of tipping taxi drivers/waiters etc?

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I wondered if anyone else has problems with this? Or any thoughts?

I don't go out much for this to become a problem, but the other day I did and the problem happened again. I have always had massive anxiety, worry and confusion around this whole tipping thing. I either end up not tipping at all then it being awkward when I take all my change and friends say 'why didn't you tip? You should have', or I have waited for my change while my friend wandered off leaving theirs and then I hover uncertainly worrying whether I should leave mine but I don't like giving in to pressure I don't see sense to so then the waiter hands it to me and then part of me wants to hand some back but I don't know how much, especially when 10% is like 20p or something and then I don't want to be insulting by handing over so little that they may prefer me to not tip at all, I dunno. Then I worry for hours afterwards that my friend was embarrassed of me and that the waiter thought I was rude and selfish and then I feel bad for even having eaten the meal. Or I go to the other extreme; get torn between all my thoughts around tipping and accidentally give more than was probably reasonable for me seeing as I don't even earn money at the moment, and then feel that then the meal was even more expensive than the in my opinion already overpriced meal that I couldn't manage to eat much of anyway.

Here are the reasons for my confusion:

I used to think that the purpose of tipping was when someone gave what I thought was exceptionally good service, beyond the ordinary but which is rarer, which I would then feel fine about tipping a maybe bigger amount than the average tip is as I felt they deserved it and that would not confuse me. For example if a waiter/taxi driver was genuinely particularly entertaining or informative about something, or going out of their way to help someone say if there was a bit of crisis or something, perhaps going beyond their job description in the care/customer service they provided. More importantly to me; a tip should be given to someone who was not just going through the motions of artificially acting polite just to try to get a tip. I would feel more comfortable tipping someone who did something out of the goodness of their heart for someone with no expectation of reward; the award if they get it just being a nice present-like thing.

But it seems to me now, that all the people around me expect you to tip all the time, unless the service was below average. I struggle to see the point in this - to basically tip someone for not completely screwing up. I end up feeling peer-pressured/obedience-pressured into giving away money to these strangers then looked down upon if I give someone exactly the right money for doing their job. I also get irritated that if I follow this apparent expectation, I am furthermore tipping them for often doing something that has made me feel really uncomfortable. For example, eating in public already makes me anxious, so when a waiter keeps interrupting to ask if everything is okay, they make my anxiety even worse. I have also heard others, the tippers, admitting to me that they find that annoying too, that if something wasn't okay, they'd rather just get up and tell them rather than being asked every 5 minutes. But from what I gather, waiters are encouraged to keep asking, to show the offer of 'helping' even though it really isn't helping, to get tips?

People tell me that it's rude not to tip when a taxi driver/waiter has been polite, and that wouldn't I want to be tipped if I was doing that job? But to me, I think it's nice to be polite and helpful to anyone anyway; I don't think it is a very nice thing to imply that 'I am only being polite because I want more of your money'. Furthermore, in other types of jobs where it can be equally exhausting to keep up a polite helpful appearance constantly, even when you're having a bad day, like when I worked in a supermarket - noone tips people doing those jobs! I see politeness as being part of doing your job well and keeping the job and therefore entitling you to the agreed wage, and maybe a bonus for people who as I mentioned in the beginning, show EXCEPTIONAL customer care which has been reported by customers.

Another thing people seem to think I am odd for, is if I do tip, I have heard the rule of '10%' unless you are rich etc, so because I have problems with decisions if there is more than two choices I give exactly 10% and count my pennies out whereas other people seem to go with more randomness with their tips (randomness that seems to have so many possibilities I'm then comparing my tip to theirs and feeling bad if mine's less and like maybe I'm over-tipping if it is more). So then I worry people still think I'm being stingy and awkward when I am tipping so exactly, but the real reason is just because that really simplifies things for me so I don't have to worry about giving too much or too little or think about it/ deliberate if I just have to follow the rule exactly then leave and that is that.

*Sigh*

Congrats if anyone reads all of this

I didn't read most of it, but I hate tipping because I'm such an indecisive person. I also hate when I'm paying by debit at the food court and the debit machine has an option for tipping. No one tips cashiers anywhere else, why should you pay cashiers at the food court?

Welcome to my world, because I've never been able to understand tipping and I doubt that I ever will. Why for example do some trades such as waiter or taxi driver expect a tip but other trades such as police officer or public official get fired for bribery if you give them a little something?

The job of a waiter is to serve food, that's what they're paid for so why should I give them a little something at the end of the meal? If I choose to take a cab rather than public transport why does the cab driver expect a small additional contribution but not the driver of the bus?

For about twenty years I was a field service engineer. In that time I was offered a gratuity three times and each time it was politely refused. Once (and only once) I finally accepted some money from a customer because I didn't want to offend them and the cash was donated to charity

Waiters and waitresses don't earn regular wages like people do in other jobs. Tips are expected to make up a large portion of their income. So the minimum wage is very low, in most states it is between $2-4 an hour. Unless the service is really bad, bad enough for you to complain to a manager, you are supposed to tip. It's not a "bonus", it's how they earn a living.

Indeed. So, tipping now says, "You did your job." Not tipping says, "You did your job so badly that you do not deserve to be paid." If you want to say, "You did your job exceptionally well," then your tip should be unusually large. In this system, it's possible to punish bad service as well as rewarding good service.

In some countries, though, tipping is not a particularly common practice and wait staff are paid like any other employee. In those environments, tipping still means "You did a very good job."

Excuse me, I didn't notice the OP is from the UK. I don't know what the wages are like there.

Tipping has nothing to do with socialness. Waiters and waitresses get tips because they make below minimum wage because they are expected to earn their wages from tips. That is why you tip them. About all the other tipping, I can;t comment on taxi drivers because I don't know if they make their wages from tips or not. But you don't have to tip cashiers or people in fast food restaurants. I don't think you need to tip at buffets either because there are really no waiters. The food is served at the buffet and you get it yourself and I never dump money in the tip jar there. I find tip jars handy when you are getting rid of change. I don't understand the fuss about it people make. If you don't want to tip, ignore it and don't do it. it's only optional and you are not obligated so why be peeved about it?

I think lot of people don't even realize waiters and waitresses make below minimum wage and their earn their wages from tips. I didn't know this either until I was on Babycenter. I have seen debates there about tipping as well so I know this is a universal issue than an ASD thing. Also if you cannot afford to leave a tip, do not eat at that restaurant where there are waiters and waitresses. Only stick to fast food or pizza places or buffets.

And of course I have heard horrid stories about waiters or waitresses spitting in your food or drinks when you eat there next time and they are your waiter/waitress again because you didn't leave them a tip last time. I have heard in the media about waiters or waitresses adding an extra number to your tip you left them on the bill and they do get in trouble for it and fired because they get caught. That is why people write a line next to their tip total or leave cash and write zero and then a line for the tip on the bill. I also learned as a child never leave your money on the table because the waiter or waitress will think it's a tip. I had my money taken once my dad gave me when I was about eight and then it was gone and I was looking for it and couldn't find it and my dad said "The waitress may have took it because she thought it was a tip." It was a big bill I think ten buck or five bucks. I think they should only take money IMO when you leave and maybe complain to the manager about your missing money might get them to teach their employees to not take any money off the table until the customers leave. When I worked in a hotel, we had a policy that we are not allowed to take any money we see out unless the guests are checked out because there have been mistakes in the past about a room attendant thinking it was a tip for them so they take it and then it would turn out it was the guest who happened to leave it on their table or dresser or nightstand but it wasn't meant to be for the room attendant to take. Unless there is a note by it saying 'tip' then I think it would be okay to take. But I would still be too nervous to leave my money out in hotel rooms because the room attendant might take it thinking it's a tip. Unless it's coins, I couldn't careless if they took it unless it was a bunch of quarters I had which is unlikely because I never have that much money in quarters but I do use them for gumball machines or any candy machines you put a quarter in whenever I have one.

Tipping is problematic because so many expect it as required rather than earned.

Most serving people don't get paid much, so they need those tips. When eating out, I have no issue tipping 20% if they gave good service. Less if they failed to give good service under the circumstances.

I'm not sure what to say about tipping taxi drivers. Taxis are prohibitively expensive to start with.

I suppose if they get me from A to B in what I know to be the fastest/shortest route possible, I'd tip them because they saved me on the fare, but if I feel they're tooling about town to "run up the meter," I'd be damned to give them a penny for that.

Not only do servers get paid very little BUT they have to pay taxes on the tips not left for them. So, when you do not tip you are actually costing them money.

If you are confused by the ammount; Can you figure 10%? Good. Now double it up to the next dollar. That's a peeny bit past 20%, your tip.

I don't know your financial situation, so I can only go on how I handle it. I tip pretty much the same every time depending what service I am tipping for. It does not matter the quality of the service. I recognize what people go through. I don't take bad service personally. I always tip about 35% at a restaurant. I never use taxis or any other business transaction that would normally equire tipping. If I am with other people I will tip for everyone. Many times I actually tip 50% or more. I never eat at a place that the total would be more than like $40 for a group of 2-3.

"tipping" seems to be a custom only in the US. I didn't encounter it outside the US, and my students who came to the US to study were utterly confounded by the practice.

While at one time it was a reward for good service, my 2¢ on the matter is: it has evolved to serve the function of enabling employers to continue paying a pittance/sub-par wages to people who work in the service sector. And, each sector has its own unwritten rules.

For food servers (in restaurant or delivery):
-Base tip: I divide my bill by 7, which works out to a little more than 15%, and work from there..
-If the service was a little "off" but not bad, I divide by 10.
-If it was exemplary *or* I was part of a large party (usually 7 or more) I divide by 5 and may add more if the service was good.
-If it was extraordinarily bad, I don't leave a tip and I talk with the manager.
-If it was extraordinarily good, I leave a tip and let the manager know how pleased I was with the service.

My sister is a difficult customer, so is my father. They tip extra because they know they're PITA.

Stuff that happens behind the scenes in the restaurant:
-As was mentioned, if you don't leave a tip, depending upon the accounting system used at the restaurant, the waitstaff may still have to pay income taxes on it.
-They often "tip out", which means the waitstaff pool tips with the kitchen staff (cooks, bussers, dishwashers) and everyone takes home a share. If you have lousy waitstaff and don't tip, it penalizes the other staff.
-If the food is bad, send it back and still tip the waitstaff. Not leaving a tip penalizes the waitstaff for something the cook did.
-Tips on takeout orders (you pick up at the restaurant) go to the cook.

Restaurants often have a printout on the bottom of the receipt, suggesting tip amounts.

For bartenders:
-$1 a drink
-If I've sat there all night drinking water, with a group who's been there several hours, I leave $5 or $10 when I leave *or* $5 when the shift changes, depending upon how the drinks are. Example: If they're priced well and the other members of my party say they're good, I leave $10. If they're expensive and crappy, I leave $5.

For people who cut hair:
-if they own the salon, I round up to the nearest $10 increment.
-if they lease the station at that salon, I use the same scale I apply to food servers.

For taxi drivers, shuttle drivers, concierge, hotel housekeeping staff, newspaper carriers:
-Our paper is usually late and wet, and sometimes "banked" off the door, so no tip for the paper carrier.
-Taxi drivers, 10% if the cab was clean & smelled good, the driver was courteous, suggested local attractions I might enjoy, etc.
-shuttle drivers & concierge: $1 a bag, up to $5
-Hotel housekeeping staff: Unless I have made a special request, I don't tip. I also don't request fresh linen every day *or* feel entitled to make a mess of the room just because someone else is being paid to clean up after me.

I missed the bit I put in boldface type...it's not the tipping, it's the counting out your pennies that's getting you into "trouble."

If I have quarters (25¢ cent pieces), I round to the nearest 50¢, or to the nearest $1 if I don't.
On larger balances, I round to the nearest $5 or $10 increment.

In NT context, the only people who "should" use smaller coins when tipping are children, because they're just learning.
People who have an "obvious" disability or are very apparently economically vulnerable are also given a "pass" on the issue of tipping with small coins. Unless we look like there's something wrong with us, the rest of us are expected to intuit that they don't like dealing with spare change.

To me, money is money. If they see a penny as an insult and would rather I reduce their tip avoid presenting them with odd change, I can accommodate that preference!

-If it was extraordinarily bad, I don't leave a tip and I talk with the manager.


-Tips on takeout orders (you pick up at the restaurant) go to the cook.

If service is bad and you speak to the manager there is a very good chance that the server will be fired. If the server is really terrible, they will lose their job without your assistance. If they are just having a bad day [ and being a server is so difficult. When things start to go wrong the domino effect tends to start]

Your advice on takeout orders sounds good, EXCEPT that generally whatever server took your to go order has documentation that it was their order. The cook is already being paid at a much higher rate than the server. Once again, the server will be paying taxes on the tip that they did not receive.

Hi all. In Australia, your minimum permanent wage amongst adults varies between 18 and 24 dollars an hour. As a permanent, you are entitled to at least 2 weeks paid sick leave and 4 weeks paid annual leave. After 10 years of service, many organisation offer their employees long service leave, which can range from a bonus 1 to 3 months paid leave.

You don't get the above mentioned benefits however if you are casual, instead you get a 25% loading to your wages, so someone who would be on $18.00 per hour as a permanent, would instead be receiving $21.50 per hour.

The difference is, we don't tip in Australia (though tip jars are put out in bars and restaurants and people sometimes use them).

The other difference is, as i understand it a large meal at McDonalds in America is cheaper than a beer over here. A large McDonalds meal here is around $10 to $12.

MissMaria, i found your rules on tipping interesting. I'm going to America in June and i've got similar nerves to the OP about tipping ettiquette. Sounds like you actually have to be kind of poker faced with those who serve you

Despite my willingness to lend money to friends and family, I'm not really big on tipping, especially when they ask for it up front like some of the local restaurants here do with their debit card readers.

It's happened twice in my lifetime. They were horrible to me and to others, and the manager or business owner needed to know. If they lost their job as a result, it was warranted.



Not sure where you live. Where I am, just about everyone uses registers with accounting software that rings a takeout or delivery order as such.