Harmless Autism Jokes

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How many AFF members does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny and I'm going to file a discrimination suit against you, you ablist swine!

I am bothered by this thread. I don't like it at all. that I can't come up with a joke.

This made me laugh.

Multiple choice questions in Autistic land

A. Right
B. Wrong
C. Somewhere on the spectrum

The intentions are different. Those people making those comments seriously think that black people aren't as good as other people, and their jokes were cruel ways of expressing that.

These jokes, about autism and written by autistic people, aren't cruel like that. It's more like they're laughing at themselves, because they don't want to take themselves so seriously, because they don't think autism is a sad and horrible thing that everyone should only talk about with long faces and pitying expressions. There are funny parts to having autism, and I think it's okay to laugh about that.

Of course, you don't have to laugh if you don't think it's funny; I just want you to know that nobody here is laughing at you or at any other autistic person. They're just laughing, period, about the silly little absurdities of life.

The budget conscious elderly couple went out to dinner for their 50th anniversary. Their waiter happend to be a nice young aspi. When they finished their main course, they decided to splurge and have dessert. So the husband asks the waiter," young man, how much is pie?" To which the waiter quickly replies,"3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510582097494459230781640628620899862803482534211706798214808651 3282306647093844609550582231725359408128481117450284102701938521105559644622948954930381964428810975665933446128475648 2337867831652712019091456485669234603486104543266482133936072602491412737245870066063155881748815209209628292540917153 6436789259036001133053054882046652138414695194151160943305727036575959195309218611738193261179310511854807446237996274 ....

I love you more than anything in this world!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !

The very best autism story I ever read, and this is SO GREAT, it was on this stupid things you said or did thread I started. It was about "paint the bunny" when a grammar school teacher brought in her beloved stuffed bunny and told her class to paint it and left the room. The AS guy went up and PAINTED THE STUFFED BUNNY! "You said, PAINT THE BUNNY!" I actually told that story to my family and when I do something obviously stupid and way too literal like that, they tell me "Mom, paint the bunny". My first post on that thread had to do with how I had met the mother of the girl my daughter was spending the night with and the mother had that spikey Kate Gosslin hairdo and the very first thing I said to the mother was "Can I touch your hair?" and when she said yes, I did, and was ENTIRELY too pleased, because I kept touching it until she told me to stop.

I pass for NT most of the time, but I have my moments. That was one.

More than a slice of Pi?

This one and the one EsraS made, made me laugh out loud.

Q: Why did the Aspie cross the road?

A: A road is a thoroughfare, route, or way on land between two places, which has been paved or otherwise improved to allow travel by some conveyance, including a horse, cart, or motor vehicle. Roads consist of one, or sometimes two, roadways (British English: carriageways) each with one or more lanes and also any associated sidewalks (British English: pavement) and road verges. Roads that are available for use by the public may be referred to as public roads or highways...

(with apologies to Wikipedia...)

What music do autistics dance to?

Twist and "stim"

Oh, now it makes sense. Thank you. And yes, that is a very cute joke as well!

Someone doing laundry in the basement lifts up a piece of dirty clothes and a spider runs away.

The NT - squishes the spider.
The Autistic - follows the spider and studies it.
The Aspie - follows the spider, looks at it for three minutes, then squishes it.

I hate to do this again, but I don't get this one.

The Curious Incident Of The Dog In The Night Time and Extremely Loud And Incredibly Close can't judge what other books are feeling from their covers, but they line up really neatly on the shelf.