Why "acting NT" is psychologically damaging

Post Reply New Topic

This is simply my personal view, you are surely more than welcome to disagree.



Seeing how crucial it is to be able to pretend to be NT for holding down a normal job, I have wondered to myself:

"When I know theoretically how to act as a NT, then why can I not be comfortable doing it on a continuous basis?"

It all goes back to "hunting styles":


NTs are group hunters.
AS people are solo hunters.


What does that mean? It means:


NTs value the group. Hence, their life is merely about group acceptance. A NT subconsciously thinks he will survive if he is accepted by the group. It does not matter whether he is in charge or has leaders, as long as he is accepted by the group.

AS people value their free will/integrity (i.e. being in charge of themselves). Hence, their life is merely about gaining social independence. A person with AS subconsciously thinks he will survive if he is in charge of his own actions. It does not matter whether he is accepted by some group, what matters to him is not having leaders.



So the whole issue about "acting NT" is in fact about who is in charge of your actions. If you truly act NT you will accept having leaders that tell you what to do. But this depresses you because your subconscious brain tells you that you die if you are not in charge of your own actions. Or said differently: If you have leaders that tell you what to do, you can no longer hunt solo.

So if you act as if you are in charge of your own actions the NT group will start bullying you to make you understand that you should "find your place in the hierarchy." Bullying is simply a stronger way of forcing you into a submissive position, eventually leading to depression because you get leaders in charge of your actions.

If you let the NT group decide your actions, you get leaders in charge of your actions.


What drives a person with AS is his freedom to do what he thinks is best for him. If he cannot do that because of having to join a group, he gets depressed.


There is no good solution to this issue.

Well described, I think.

Eventually, one could add that bullying is an "aggressive filtering", a way of a fight to get rid of the person/potential enemy (of the group) and not just trying to get it to think the group's way.

True.

NTs view the group as one big unit, not as a lot of independent individuals the way we tend to do. So if a single part of that unit is misbehaving they need to get rid of it so that it will not damage the group as a whole. They would much rather save the group than trying to save an individual. To NTs the survival of the group is what is important. The survival of individuals is only important to the extent that it benefits the survival of the group.

I'm not sure about all this "NT acting" business.

Personally I don't know how anyone can act like an NT when all the NT's are unique to themselves.

All I can say is that I behave in a manor that is socially acceptable, I do my best to get on in the world and to be treated with the respect that any other human being deserves.

All NTs are unique individuals, just like people with AS are.

That is because there is more to a persons character than his social structure (which is the only thing that differentiates NTs and people with AS in what I have written above).

I'm not certain about the hunter theory (although I do like it. It is an idea with some currency of late). Everything you just suggested resonates with me all the same. It would explain some of the weirdos (myself included) that I used to meet down at the anarchist book shop.

"Acting" NT (or mechanically learning social skills) means that I've gotten the chance to get a job, get laid, have relationships, have friends, drive, and so on. Living on disability with next to nothing left after the rent has been paid, is a life situation I'd like to avoid at any cost.

@qawer: I have to disagree beacause you assume that Asperger's Syndrome is mainly a social disorder.

I think this is more a question of extroversion vs introversion. Or even more specifically, a collectivist mentality versus that of an individualist one.

In nature who do you think survives? The guy that sticks to the group for protection or the hero that goes solo?

If you really want what's best for you, you will be an individual within the group, that's what leadership is all about.

To be a leader, the extrovert needs to learn how to think for himself. The introvert needs to make a team effort.

The reason that it's harder for introverts is because they are in the minority.

Autism is in a sense more nihilistic because individuals on the spectrum accept all perspectives and angles but this creates confusion when trying to 'gear shift' between the different modes. Most people think you have to adhere to one thing or the other: you can't be both. People with autism are neither extroverts nor introverts but they are perceived by society (composed largely of extroverts) to be introverted so they are socialised with all manner of inflexible rules pertaining to this particular social identity. This is why people on the spectrum are perceived to be rigid and inflexible with rules. Because they are expected to behave in this way, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy: they adhere to the autistic stereotype of society. To be a leader, this collection of beliefs and attitudes needs to be destroyed. In short, don't be one thing or the other. Be whatever it is a given situation demands of you.

Hey qawer,

I like your analogy. I find it really difficult to describe my condition to people when they ask. So often they find it hard to believe that I'm different because I'm so good at mimicking 'normal' people but for me it's about being some kind of social chameleon, blending in to my surroundings whilst never quite matching them.

I don't know about you guys but I find it exhausting acting NT but I don't think I'd be able to drop the guise even if I wanted to it would feel like lying down in the middle of a busy road.

In what other aspects do you consider it a disorder?

The way I see it, the triad of impairments all have their root in not thinking socially enough (for "high-functioning", high intelligence AS).

That depends on what kind of animal you are asking. A dog would say sticking to the group, a cat would survive better alone than enduring maltreatment in a group.

Once you know your style you have to learn to adjust. In a pack of wolves, the alpha is the wolf that learns to hunt solo. In a pack of lions, the top cat is the one that knows to think as a team.

New theories about autism center in being "hypersensible".

That "hypersensitivity" to stimuli might lead to withdrawal and neural adaptation because of all the strong steady stimuli. That originates an abnormal sensory experience that results in the "macroscopic" issues: sensory issues, preference for routine and the egocentrism that you describe.


Personally, I think that humans are not social per se, and that the social domain is learnt.

I don't believe this is true for all NTs. Some will try to move further up in the group to become a "leader" e.g. by promotion, or higher rank.

In the animal world there is a few that remind me of the people I cannot deal with that makes me want to leave. The otter, the weasel, the mongoose, the mink, and the ferret.

Why?

Because they are trickster gamers that play games on others. Because they lie. They hide things from others, and they steal.

I do not have a problem with social dominance orientation. I try not to compete in that respect. Since I cannot actually legally physically challenge anyone, it doesn't make much sence to me anyways. It is just mostly a psycological socio game at this point.