Gloating. Jealousy. Enjoying others misfortune.

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Callista
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05 Apr 2014, 1:37 pm

jrjones9933 wrote:

What would you think of a stranger if you found out that they had done the things that you describe?

But the OP hasn't done anything. All they're describing is feelings. That's the critical part--they're not actively working to sabotage anyone; they're just feeling good about someone else's failure.

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VisInsita
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05 Apr 2014, 2:16 pm

Callista wrote:

jrjones9933 wrote:

What would you think of a stranger if you found out that they had done the things that you describe?

But the OP hasn't done anything. All they're describing is feelings. That's the critical part--they're not actively working to sabotage anyone; they're just feeling good about someone else's failure.

I don't think you read the entire thing. Here is what the original poster stated:

GeekMan wrote:

Having a hand in someone else's failure I have done yes. Nothing to hurt them physically, or cause any danger to someone. And yet these same people that I caused to fail will come to me for advice not knowing I'm the reason behind it. Yes, it may appear wrong. And there are times like now that I sit there and think that was a horrible thing to do. But it's very rare I will look back and feel regret. Tomorrow I will wake up and probably forget all about it and have no regret again.

If true, help is needed there. Also for the sake of others.

ZenUrbanism
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05 Apr 2014, 2:29 pm

TheGeekMan wrote:

I don't know if this is down to Aspergers or something totally different, but it's something I've had ever since I can remember. I don't know if it's hate, envy, jealousy or everything in between.

Basically I enjoy seeing people fail. And at times I've went out of my own way to ensure someone does fail. What is this? I think it has something to do with jealousy. I know jealousy is something many with Aspergers deal with but I'm starting to realise that I'm often extreme.

I can't count the number of times I've wanted to see someone fail, and when they do I get a feeling of pleasure from it.

I can give numerous examples but some are pretty extreme. Probably not worth sharing. One example today someone I know has landed a gig at a huge festival. He's an unknown but this festival will make his name spread far and wide. And here's me thinking up ways to ensure this gig doesn't land success for him. I was thinking of ways to tarnish his name, like setting up a website.

I watched a friend (the only friend I have) fail. His business collapsed. He hit rock bottom in life. I gloated in his misfortune.

And whilst I'm in that mood of wanting to do this I don't have any regrets any wrongful feelings. Even afterwards I feel pretty smug and happy.

I googled if others feel this way, and it appears those that do have underlying issues.

Is there any information on this?

This basically hits on the way my Psychopathic ex-boyfriend's mind operated. I am not diagnosing you, however. You could be experiencing something completely different.

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05 Apr 2014, 3:03 pm

The desire to see, or at least the passive enjoyment of, people suffering is a most un-asperger trait if my experience is anything to go by; most people with autism are intrinsically kind, even if they don't know how to act on it.

Whatever the OP is experiencing, I'd suggest counselling; seriously, it's not normal and maybe that would help get to the root cause.

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ZenUrbanism
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05 Apr 2014, 3:27 pm

Having "no regret" for the type of harm you describe that you inflict, is one of the fundamental charachteristics of someone with Antisocial Personality Disorder (aka, Psychopathy).

TheGeekMan
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05 Apr 2014, 4:13 pm

Wait this has confused me even more. So I could be a psychopath. Sorry I can't buy that. It would have been picked up.

I am very kind. I may struggle to act out kindness because communicating with people that require my help is difficult, but my heart is often in the right place. Today I helped the old lady next door today repot some plants. I didn't really talk with her much I just asked if she wanted help and she said yes. I done it because I seen her struggle.

The low self esteem suggestion does seem very much on point. I will discuss this on my next appointment. I don't posses the traits of a psychopath so I find it difficult to accept that suggestion. For one a psychopath doesn't show emotion, I do.

I've had a few beers tonight so I'm very much open to discussion on a level I wouldn't usually. I'm just cooking my partner a meal, but I'll be back to go into depth about this.

capri0112
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05 Apr 2014, 5:06 pm

I understand what it is like to gloat inwardly. I tend to feel that way toward people whom I perceive to have wronged me, but I never actively take part in anyone's failure or lack of success.

Taking part in such wrongdoing is NOT a symptom of autism/Asperger's. It is something more like personality disorder/sociopathology/psychopthology, as others have pointed out. And personality disorders do not go hand in hand with autism.

We all feel jealous, and gloat over other's misfortunes at times. It is human. Thinking something is far different than acting on it, though.

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TheGeekMan
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05 Apr 2014, 5:22 pm

capri0112 wrote:

So after years of waiting and finally getting an Aspergers diagnosis you're now saying that it's likely I have a personality disorder? I don't understand how. The professionals would have defiantly picked up on it. There is no way they would have missed that, not with my past history and mental health record (it's likely bigger than the Bible).

Sorry, I really can not agree with that. It appears that just because those answering "haven't done it" personally it must not be possible. That's illogical.

ZenUrbanism
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05 Apr 2014, 5:25 pm

TheGeekMan wrote:

Only a trained professional has the ability to diagnose you with anything. I personally do not draw conclusions or make assumptions based on the facts you have offered. In turn, I will not judge or form particular perceptions regarding your issues at hand. There can be any number of reasons for you to behave as you do. I read that an infamous college campus sniper, was found to have a brain tumor that caused him to do what he did. I only mentioned that I personally witnessed the same behaviors that you describe yourself as having, in my ex-boyfriend, who was clinically diagnosed with Psycopathy, when it was still a part of the DSM. I have since, done a ton of research on the subject, and it has become one of my special interests, so to speak. A highly informative book that I recommend to anyone interested, is 'Without Conscience", by Dr. Robert Hare.

Edit: Forgive me. We posted over one another, therefore I was unaware that you had already been working on your issues with a professional, and in turn, I would have perhaps worded my last post somewhat differently.

Last edited by ZenUrbanism on 05 Apr 2014, 5:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

TheGeekMan
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05 Apr 2014, 5:32 pm

ZenUrbanism wrote:

TheGeekMan wrote:

Only a trained professional has the ability to diagnose you with anything. I personally do not draw conclusions or make assumptions based on the facts you have offered. In turn, I will not judge or form particular perceptions regarding your issues at hand. There can be any number of reasons for you to behave as you do. I read that an infamous college campus sniper, was found to have a brain tumor that cased him to do what he did. I only mentioned that I personally witnessed the same behaviors that you describe yourself as having, in my ex-boyfriend, who was clinically diagnosed with Psycopathy, when it was still a part of the DSM. I have since, done a ton of research on the subject, and it has become one of my special interests, so to speak. A highly informative book that I recommend to anyone interested, is 'Without Conscience", by Dr. Robert Hare.

Would it be possible to speak to you privately? I am slightly concerned about what is being said here, and don't want to out everything in the open for all to see. You have experience with a psychopath so maybe I can explain a little to you in a PM and you can see if there are at all any similarities between my actions and your ex partners.

TheGeekMan
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05 Apr 2014, 5:34 pm

ZenUrbanism wrote:

TheGeekMan wrote:

Only a trained professional has the ability to diagnose you with anything. I personally do not draw conclusions or make assumptions based on the facts you have offered. In turn, I will not judge or form particular perceptions regarding your issues at hand. There can be any number of reasons for you to behave as you do. I read that an infamous college campus sniper, was found to have a brain tumor that cased him to do what he did. I only mentioned that I personally witnessed the same behaviors that you describe yourself as having, in my ex-boyfriend, who was clinically diagnosed with Psycopathy, when it was still a part of the DSM. I have since, done a ton of research on the subject, and it has become one of my special interests, so to speak. A highly informative book that I recommend to anyone interested, is 'Without Conscience", by Dr. Robert Hare.

Edit: Forgive me. We posted over one another, therefore I was unaware that you had already been working on your issues with a professional, and in turn, I would have perhaps worded my last post somewhat differently.

Forgot to add, how could a "trained professional" miss traits of psychopathy yet spot traits of Aspergers? That's what I struggle to understand.

ZenUrbanism
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05 Apr 2014, 6:30 pm

I will happily continue to participate, here. Not in private, however. To answer your other question, I have read posts on this forum, where members indicate that they had been previously, incorrectly diagnosed with various conditions, et al. It can happen. If you are in need of additional information, I would research, learn more about your symptoms/traits, and proceed from there.

TheGeekMan
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05 Apr 2014, 6:42 pm

ZenUrbanism wrote:

Ok, no worries. I wouldn't be comfortable airing too much of my personal life in public. I thought that maybe you could offer your opinion. Thanks anyway.

As for misdiagnosis I really doubt it. My mother had a second opinion done because she didn't believe it. I was diagnosed as an adult at 28, not as a child.

OJani
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06 Apr 2014, 3:12 am

According to my experience and what I think of the subject misdiagnosis or not-so-exact diagnosis is quite common. Even if the professional diagnosing you catches your autistic traits rightly there can be a symptomatology largely remaining undiscovered. I believe people with some form of HFA often have traits of some personality or mood disorders like bipolar, borderline, schizophrenia-spectrum. I don't know put perhaps antisocial traits can be on the list. I find it really troubling, though.

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hale_bopp
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08 Apr 2014, 12:28 am

Yes, people like that do have underlying issues.

dianthus
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08 Apr 2014, 12:56 am

To the OP, none of this necessarily means you are a psychopath, or that you would meet the requirements for an ASPD diagnosis. But what you described definitely sounds like psychopathic or anti-social behavior, and it is not associated with Asperger's. It is possible that you have both. Or you could have some psychopathic behaviors or traits without having full-blown psychopathy.

Psychopathic behavior is not always apparent, even to professionals, because its very nature is to be deceptive.

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