It's a journey, not a destination

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Right now I'm having problems dealing with a friend, and one friend in particular.

Some of my friends have this idea that if I'm having a personal problem, I must put 100% of my effort into making it go away, and if it doesn't go away right away after they point it out, then that's entirely my fault and I'm a bad person (they usually give me a few weeks to fix a behavior before becoming really nasty).

Most of these behaviors aren't anything I personally see as destructive, but I try to fix them anyway. However, they're often not problems easily fixed, especially since I don' have access to therapy right now. A few weeks seems like a very short time to fix a behavior (shutdowns, recently, have been getting on people's nerves, but I don't k now what to do about that because overstimulation isn't something I choose).

I guess I'm asking for advice as to what to do about these friends? I don't have a lot of friends and I love them dearly, but this insistance on fast fixes or shunning really hurts.

hiya Galexty welcome to the club. heed the advice from the good dr. seuss: "be who you are and say what you feel, for the people who matter don't mind, and the people who mind don't matter."

Carl Sagan was great!

Galexty, what I was saying is that you gotta be true to yourself and those who would be your friends are just gonna have to decide if they can handle it or not. if they can't handle it they woulda been fair weather friends at best in the first place, and not worth knowing.

I'm guessing you've already tried to talk to them about how these things take time and aren't always in your control? How did that go?

Do exactly the same thing back to them. The second you see a flaw (being human, they'll have many), point it out, and badger them cruelly if it isn't fixed by the next day.

I am going to repeat what the others have said. This person needs an ultimatum accept you as you are or this friendship is over. It probably won't work but you could ask your (former) friend if he or she would badger a person in whelelchair to get out ASAP.

I will tell you what this friend will probably never accept, that it will be hard for you to do this, very hard. It will be hard because the person probably really believes the "tough love" approach is the best thing for you. Suppressing the real you will cause far more damege the short time breakup pain. I speak from my own experiences and from talking with other WP members.

Friends should be supportive, not cause you pain. I know you don't want to lose your friends because you say you don't have many, but if your friends act like bullies are they really friends? It's pretty clear they don't understand what you go through in terms of your autism. Maybe they need education about your condition, if they are open to it.