Is there any point at 41 getting a diagnosis?

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What a bizarre thing to say! ChampionRobot asked for advice and your response was both incorrect in its assumptions and flippant. Many people on the spectrum have families and jobs and comorbid conditions, and as he took the time to come on this site asking for advice he is clearly worried about it.

In response to your latest post CR, I know exactly how that feels! I avoid that kind of enforced happiness like the plague, lots of people who very often dislike each other crowded into one room and add alcohol.......what could go wrong? Given the feelings you express about yourself and your situation, I would urge you to speak with your GP and see if there is any immediate support you can get. I know how impossible it can seem, but try not to judge yourself too harshly, maybe not going to a wedding is actually the very best thing you could do for yourself at this time. Lots of people's 'way of being' is incompatible with the unwritten rules of society and what is required to be considered sociable and I believe you have to find a way to balance being with your family at events like that and still being true to yourself. Ultimately that may mean never going to that kind of thing and if that is right for you, then don't beat yourself up mate.

There are many possible answers for why you are 'the way you are' and ASD or AS may be correct. As Skibum (and I) did, try the informal questionnaires you can find on this site as this may help you formulate some answers for yourself. Now like me, you may still feel that a GP referral is in order, but maybe they could help you towards finding your answers? Realising that there were lots of other people who had similar feelings and that there was a recognised cause for my behaviour was brilliant for me, and from what I have read on here, for lots of others too. There are many examples from different areas of life, where finding out there is a name for how you are and there are others who share that condition or diagnosis or identity can potentially be life changing.

Thanks Davvo, your points are very interesting. My wife (who is absolutely convinced that I am autistic) is being increasingly supportive as she seems to be arriving at the belief that I simply cannot cope in these circumstances, or at the very least they make me extremely uncomfortable and unhappy.

I think I'll talk to my wife tomorrow about a diagnosis since obviously it might have implications further down the road...

Again, thanks so much for taking the time to respond!

Adam

But there are a great many people like that. I'm very glad, btw, that there are people who obsess over elderly Volvos, because otherwise I'd have to buy another car. And it seems to me quite sensible not to look for advancement. The only people I've ever seen get happier with advancement are those who actually believe it means something to be the Vice President of Whosis rather than the Associate Whatsit of Whosis.

And, sad but true, friendlessness is epidemic in the US. And most people go to weddings and other such gatherings because they have to, not because they want to.

I can see wanting friends, but otherwise, why is this tearing you up in this manner?

Advancement might mean an economically securer future, which I would appreciate.

I (age 42) would also like to have a diagnosis, so I would know if I am diagnostic or just subdiagnostic, but according to what is said here and elsewhere, diagnosis seems so much hit-and-miss that it probably would not be certain anyway. I do share traits and experiences with diagnosed people here, so I will have to settle with that.

This weekend my depression has been heavier than usual, so I have not been able to focus on anything. Everything just feels irrelevant. I did manage to read one book, though, and start cleaning the house a little (but not finish it).

Sorry about your depression Jurgen. I was depressed too for a bit last week. People here really helped me out. That was so nice. I hope you feel better really soon.

ChampionRobot, I understand why you would not want to go the wedding. Those kinds of events can really take a toll on me and exhaust me socially. The thing is that I really enjoy them if it's someone I love but even the fun stress drains me. But what I do like about weddings is that I can sit in the back and not say anything during the actual wedding and just zone out if I want to. Then at the reception we can quietly sit at the table and only talk to each other, me and my husband, or I don't have to talk at all. But since the food is usually superb, I can really enjoy that. And I do love to dance so if I have the energy I can do that if I want to. So weddings are cool for me because I don't have to engage in talking or being super social. I can just be the quiet one pigging out and doing a little dance if I choose to.

Things like cookouts, on the other hand, are hard because people expect me to socialize more. And even though I might enjoy that it can be very draining.

I second this. I was diagnosed a year ago at age 50. I have a wife and 2 kids and am currently am working.

This for me also.
I was diagnosed at 46. Actually, a month beforehand I had never even heard of Asperger’s. But while reading a book on psychology I came across a description of Asperger’s that described me very well. So I did some online research and everything I read described me.

So I chased up a psychologist. I didn't know myself well enough, or how I compared to other people. I needed an outsider expert to tell me Yes/No. Maybe i was close to the line, maybe I had other issues. I didn't know.

I was way over the bar. But I'm high functioning with a job in engineering, good pay, lots of projects at home, and lots of skills in various art/craft, woodwork, programming, music ect.

I was reading the psychology book because I've never had a relationship and have been trying for years to find a woman. Still no luck there. But the diagnosis has given me the opportunity to research Asperger’s and everything about that. Therefor I know myself far more now than I ever would have without the diagnosis. So I say YES it was worth it for me.

I hear you, but my experience is that it doesn't quite go that way. Yes, you've climbed the ladder, but now the expectations are through the roof and you're expensive. That makes you vulnerable. Also, you suddenly have more expenses. I'm seeing that here, and I'm not all that high up: suddenly I need a cleaning lady, and this summer I'll probably hire a kid to mow the lawn, maybe even do some gardening. I'm expected to go to conferences and things in the evening: I need sitters, better clothes, a haircut more than twice a year. People farther up the ladder are expected to entertain, and that's not cheap, and you also need a house where you can entertain. They're also expected to take exponentially more crap at work while smiling, because now they swim with the giant delusional egos.

Am I better off than I was, yes, materially. Psychologically,no. More economically secure, no, I don't think so. I don't know that such a thing really exists for most people anymore, at least in America.

No. I am just pointing out that he might be confusing depression with aspergers and he should look into it further. He had also said that he had a family as well. I assume that means children of his own, if so, then that put him in a very small minority when you consider the fact that only 1 in 500 aspie males will ever have children of there own.

An assessment could do it.
It could be depression, but diagnosed lengthy depressions have often covered AS.

I wanted to add one more thing. My diagnostic testing included neuropsychological testing, which I found extremely useful. I was quite surprised to discover how poorly I performed in memory and executive functioning. It helped explain a bunch of stuff. I am now trying to adjust things in my life, to better live in concert with those deficiencies.

It depends.

On the one hand, why pay someone to tell you what you already know?

On the other, if you are really not sure, then clarification could be helpful.

The more you know the better you do. But there are many other ways to gain knowledge and insight into your ASD status and issues. WP is one

How is a neropsychological testing done? What kinds of tests do they use?

According to the Wikipedia <click>, the categories of neuropsychological testing include:
- Intelligence
- Memory
- Language
- Executive function
- Visuospatial
- Dementia specific

My testing included: Intelligence (Wechsler Adult Intelligence Scale, WAIS-IV), Memory (Wechsler Memory Scale, WMS-IV) and Executive Function (Wisconsin Card Sorting Test, WCST).

The testing exposed that I had low Executive Function for unstructured situations (a deficiency of complex working memory). I had no idea. It explained a whole host of things including why I have difficulties with socializing.

I wish it was free and easier in the US. Once I found out, as others have said, it brought me such relief and even great joy because I finally had a reason for my issues, my Aspie related issues anyway. And now I am not as embarrassed if I do or say something weird, I don't have to remain hidden anymore like I used to. But in the US it is so hard for an adult to get diagnosed. There are so many hurdles and obstacles, especially financial and what you get for it legally is really nothing so if forces so many people to have to live their lives suffereing and never able to find out why or never able to get any help for it.

I was diagnosed at 41. I sought out the diagnosis because I had diagnosed myself first and I needed the confirmation, especially since my mom was in denial and we both needed the confirmation.

Other than that, I'm not sure you would need a diagnosis since you and your wife already suspect you have Aspergers. The only thing it really changed was that I started looking at my past through Autism glasses and a lot of things began to make sense, and I understood myself better.

I also have depression, and anxiety but now I have some idea why, I don't feel guilty for having anxiety or depression anymore. It's like knowing I'm on the spectrum made it okay to be me.