Does anybody else want social contact but not enjoy it?

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Example:
I'll look forward to going to a gathering after work with co-workers.
I get there and then can't wait to leave. If I can get in the right little circle I can stick around and not feel the need to leave but this is hit or miss.

I guess I'm a classic introvert too. I like socializing with certain kinds of people, dislike social chit-chat, have an easier time making conversations with people along special interests / familiar topics, and too much socialization leaves me drained. I'm not a misantroph either, though I like cetrtain kinds of people while I have a strong preference against other types. Where the line is drawn between them I'm not as sure about.

I would love to have one or two friends in a limited sense. For the last couple of years, I've been working on an option to hopefully make that possible but am not there yet. But I could never in a million years handle a full time social life or friends who wanted unlimited interaction as was the case during my college days. It would drive me stark raving mad.

I have always believed that as Aspies we have a social tolerance limit beyond which social interaction is pure torture and at which point we need solitude in order to function properly again. In other words we need to regenerate like a Borg drone. My own limit is about two hours, sometimes much less around large numbers of people or overbearing people. I have known other Aspies though (necessarily from a distance), whose limit seemed to be more in the order of about five seconds and who would take off like a bolt of lightning if he saw that he was about to get within about 75 feet of another person.

I just returned from a nighttime walk for exercise at a nearby college campus. As I was driving onto campus I saw few people around since tomorrow is the last day of finals and Monday is graduation day. All the rowdier underclassmen had already gone home for the summer. It was planned that way when I decided to go walking tonight, but when I saw this with my own two eyes, I said to myself, "hot diggity dog... I have the whole place to myself... it will be a nice walk tonight without all the ego projection". Along the way I saw three refreshment tents next to the graduation area. One had a white flag on top, the next had a red flag and I just knew that the third flag obscured by tree leaves had to be blue. I pointed that out to a slow moving security guard I passed a few seconds later, but he didn't seem to get it... no Aspie observation and pattern recognition I suppose.

I want do social contact however I suppose what I really want is someone to share my interests with. If the social contact isn't centred on my interests 90% of the time I will want to quit and go home fairly quickly. Most social gatherings are over sold by their participants and sometimes I buy into what they are selling. I know its time to leave when I start watching the clock.

With most people, contact doesn't feel like contact to me. I don't feel 'connected' and therefore have no social 'gratification'. I LOVE feeling connected however but I usually only have that with people who're quite a bit like me or who're open-minded, into the same kind of music (helps a lot) or are like me in the sense that they're just unable to talk about literally nothing or not interested in doing it too much. (no offence, it's just what 'real smalltalk' seems like and it's undoable for me, I can only produce some by using tricks) Most people just make me want to retreat with music or a book.

Talking to most people might fall under 'socialising' yet to me it doesn't have that effect. Afterwards I'm just really happy to be rid of them again whereas it's the opposite with certain people. Socialising with them is great. So it's a bit of a yes and a no.

I do like to have friends, but its difficult to me to spend a lot of time with them, so I usually spend with them something like a hour or so. After it, I feel drained and need to be by myself to recharge.

This is a matter of social strategies. Difference between cat and dog strategies.

Dogs (NTs) like to socialize because they need it to feel good. To them, not belonging to a group means noone to "hunt" with, which subconsciously means death to them

Cats (People with AS) like to socialize with those they like and treat them well. They have no inherent need for group-belonging. In fact, truly belonging to a group means being unable to "hunt" solo, which subconsciously means death to them.


This explains why people with AS feel the way they do: They basically like to be around other "cats" that treat them well, because they are living beings that desire to survive, find a mate etc. They want to be around others but still remain individuals. But being around "dogs" that treat them badly (bullying etc. what they term "social play") they get to feel really badly. This is when aspies cannot get away fast enough.

When I lived with 2 DJ's who were exceptionally hypersocial I spent 90% of my time alone. I didnt enjoy going out all that much or rather had negative experiences and just enjoyed my own company. I find that other people are distracting that is they draw me out of myself. I enjoy navel contemplation - being my very own recursive loop.This is impossible in company.

I do however get social cravings at times. I realise that after socialising I feel drained and am left invariably with a store of cringeworthy memories. I love my own company!

It gets a bit frustrating at times when I want to enjoy being around people but can't.