Being ignored & feeling invisible
BirdInFlight
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I made mention of that in my post, but I don't think I made myself clear about the point I was making:
I never said I need or want or desire that response -- what I said was that it's a bit off-putting when cliques of friends here post acknowledgement or "Oh great post, so helpful!" like it's a big surprise in the middle of a thread, in response to someone else who posted exactly the same thing I posted, but later than me.
In and of itself I don't want or seek acknowldegment that I made a "great post" -- what I said was that it's just weird when someone else gets that praise for something I also said prior to someone's later similar thoughts, but the ones acknowledging that other person's post clearly bypassed saying it to me for some reason.
If you can get what I'm saying, it's not that I wanted acknowledgement in the first place, it's that it's very obvious when suddenly a bunch of people do in fact give that acknowledgment to another person who said NOTHING different to what I had said. That's weird and cliquey feeling, and nobody likes noticing a clique thing happening no matter NT or Aspie.
I also said in my original post that it's not that even this bothers me that much.
Jesus, reading comprehension, please...
.
what I said was that it's a bit off-putting when cliques of friends here post acknowledgement or "Oh great post, so helpful!" like it's a big surprise in the middle of a thread, in response to someone else who posted exactly the same thing I posted, but later than me. .
Some people don't read the entire thread before replying. Instead, they'll simply respond to a post in close proximity to theirs. I've been guilty of this too; it's a matter of convenience (or laziness?) rather than a lack of acknowledgement.
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“Oh - You're a very bad man!
Oh, no my dear. I'm a very good man. I'm just a very bad Wizard.”
― L. Frank Baum, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz
And something else can easily get into the thread while one is typing a response.
I think acknowledging someone has made a good point seems NT because it's one of those things people do for each other to smooth the social interchange, and it's taught as a way to make friends and make people happy. I've seen that type advice at WR, too, like to say something positive about someone to show interest and appreciation, when you'd like to be friends, so long as it's honest appreciation.
IRL if you've grown up invisible and struggled to communicate, maybe still do, being told someone appreciates the point you've made shows you were able to communicate effectively, and is a relief. You've succeeded, it's ok to stop trying.
ImAnAspie
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Actually, this is allowed and even catered for. That's why every post has a Quote button.
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Your Aspie score: 151 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 60 of 200
Formally diagnosed in 2007.
Learn the simple joy of being satisfied with little, rather than always wanting more.
I tend to be a thread killer here....I honestly don't try to be. Sometimes it's probably not me but some other factor, but other times, it's me. Don't take it personally OP. And facebook is a bit different. A lot people post things that get one or two likes, or none, but the people keep posting. I figure people don't like commenting on other people's facebook thread, but they will like pictures and good news. I tend to worry about kids in this generation and how things can be perceived as someone "ignoring" you when there could be other factors involved, and how that creates depression, or dependence on "likes" and responses for self esteem.
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ImAnAspie
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When you see other posts around you getting responses and none of your posts that litter threads get any, it kind of sets a pattern that's (a) easy to see and (b) difficult to ignore!
It's human nature - no-one likes to be ignored or left out, in any sense, anywhere, any age.
Also, some people suffer from depression and may be more vulnerable/susceptible to feeling ignored, especially when in a low state, and as you know, depression is high up on the list of comorbids with ASD.
_________________
Your Aspie score: 151 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 60 of 200
Formally diagnosed in 2007.
Learn the simple joy of being satisfied with little, rather than always wanting more.
When you see other posts around you getting responses and none of your posts that litter threads get any, it kind of sets a pattern that's (a) easy to see and (b) difficult to ignore!
It's human nature - no-one likes to be ignored or left out, in any sense, anywhere, any age.
Also, some people suffer from depression and may be more vulnerable/susceptible to feeling ignored, especially when in a low state, and as you know, depression is high up on the list of comorbids with ASD.
Absolutely....although it doesn't bother me nearly as much as it used to, there just has to be so many other factors. I've tended to be a person who thinks everything is about me, it seems to take some hard thinking to explore all possibilities of my I might be ingnored, or perceived as ignored.
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?Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.?
ImAnAspie
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Joined: 15 Oct 2013
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Location: Erra (RA 03 45 12.5 Dec +24 28 02)
I don't think it's a case of wanting to be liked or patted on the head.
It's more a case of not wanting to be ignored, left out. Big difference.
I couldn't care less about being patted on the head by others. Never could. I decide for myself what I think I've done well or done poorly (and if I'm not happy with what I've done, I'll usually do it again and again and again) but that's different from being totally ignored.
It's like. .. Say if I played football - I don't want our need people telling me "Good kick!" and "Well done!" What I'm talking about is not even being asked to play - consistently being left out of the game.
I do think wanting to be praised by others may be an NT thing but as far as not wanting to be ignored goes, I think that's a normal, healthy human thing. We are pack animals after all. It's just that some of us like to hang behind the rest of the pack but we still like to be included. Not forgotten with no one caring whether we exist or not.
I don't get much social interaction in real life. For me, this is it and that's fine by me. I just don't want to be ignored in the only place I have to be sociable in. It's nice to be known somewhere.
_________________
Your Aspie score: 151 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 60 of 200
Formally diagnosed in 2007.
Learn the simple joy of being satisfied with little, rather than always wanting more.
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