Ability to empathise

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I don?t really understand what it means when it?s said that Aspies cannot ?put themselves in someone elses shoes?. I can put myself in someone elses shoes if they are reacting to something in the same way that I would react if this thing was happening to me. However if they react to something in a different way than I would react I cannot understand this and I get angry and don?t want to think about it after I?ve thought about it for a while and been unable to reach a conclusion.

Another thing that puzzles me and makes me question if I do have Aspergers is that I get a lot more upset than the average person would if I see a person or an animal being killed on TV, even if it?s not real. I freak out at torture scenes in films so will avoid these type of films. I?m the same if its real, for example the Lee Rigby murder upset me a lot and I think about how awful it must be for his family and his son who must grow up without a father. I can?t imagine just how awful this must be but I know it must be worse than anything I?ve ever had to deal with.

On the other hand I remember when a boy was murdered and it was on the news that his mother forgave the killer. I cannot understand this and I get frustrated that I cannot make sense of how she could do this, even after people have tried to explain to me. This isn?t how I?d react therefore I cannot understand.

I don?t know if any of this means I can empathise to an extent. Can anyone else relate to this?

It sounds like empathy to me.

There is the sense that people on the Spectrum identify with animals more than NT's.

It's a myth that Aspies lack empathy. Possibly, they express it somewhat differently than NT's.

We can empathise just fine thank you. Like me EF you seem very soft or kind hearted about things like that. Maybe you are confusing theory of mind with empathy. Although I think we do experience empathy differently in real life as things are happening with other people, yes we do have it. Maybe some dont but you and I do.

http://autismtruths.org/pdf/3.%20Does%2 ... nd_SBC.pdf

I think my problem is that I *first* put myself in the story that someone is trying to say, then later on, maybe when driving home, I see it from the other person's point of view, when its too late - I have already been weird.

Its like you constantly have to be out thinking yourself, applying rules and previous experiences, whereas the NTs just do it naturally, I guess.

Aspies don't lack theory of mind (I wish I could yell it!! !!)

Perhaps one might be different or (from an NT standpoint) disordered in their expression of it.

I tend to interpret empathy in this way: If I am interacting with you, I have difficulty reading your feelings while we are interacting, or about our interactiions. I have a hard time putting myself in your shoes. In other words, if it's between me and another person, I struggle empathizing. My AS father is almost unable to realize his own role in things. He tends to only see the other person's problem.


If I am analysing a situation between parties that are not me, I can read them very well, and can experience tons and tons of empathy. Over the years with therapy, I'm better at putting myself in other people's shoes.

Eh, I dunno I've been told I have an issue with empathy in some aspect there's times where I can see a bum on the street and have no feelings one way or another about him being homeless or I may say to a friend or loved one I wish he would get help or go a shelter for help then there's times where I maybe over sensitive for lack of a better word for example with what happened on 12/14 in Sandy Hook CT that just breaks my heart and still does but yet I don't know any one person from that area personally but I still want to remember the children and teachers whom died ( I wear a green/white angel ribbon that was giving to me by a teacher from SH as my way of remembering)


So with me I dunno there's an old saying I use that if it doesn't involve me (personally) or my family I don't get involved... Tho sometimes there are exceptions to that rule.

You might want to check this site out regarding empathy; use the search function The notion that we're sociopath-like is becoming more and more outdated and many Aspies found themselves wondering about the exact same thing as you.

I have no trouble empathizing.

I can tell (most of the time) when my family member, friend, pet, or whatever is happy, sad, or angry with me.
I can figure out, based on my own experiences, how someone is feeling if I know they just lost a loved one, won an award, had to skip a meal, or just got called a name.

My problem is when someone shows me a picture of someone and asks me how they're feeling. I'm not a telepath, so mind reading is out. I haven't talked to them, so asking them directly is out. I've never met the person, so I have no base line to go by. How should I know how they're feeling?

A NT can take a look at the same picture, and based on body language and facial expression and some sort of innate hocus pocus, tell you how that same person is feeling.

Empathy is come and go with me.

For instance, someone mentioned the Lee Rigby murder. I had no feeling whatsoever to it. It just passed me over, as do so many other things like this that I see in the news.

But on the other hand, when I watch a film that has an emotional scene, I will be the first to cry.

Im constantly confused by the way people behave. People seem to like me one day and hate me the next. I analyse my social conduct to the nth degree and make very little progress.

The problem is how can you really know that you lack an "invisible" ability like empathy if you truly have a deficiency with it?

I never had any reason to think I had a lack of empathy myself until now that I've learned more about myself and these things, in clinical settings and otherwise. What I've come to understand is that I have a lack of the social-emotional aspect that most people associate with empathy (I never become emotionally upset with regard to others, have never known how to comfort or even respond to others emotionally etc.), but that doesn't mean that I don't have the intellectual ability to understand what's right or wrong, and to try to be as considerate and understanding of others as I can.

It's why SBC labeled autism "zero-empathy positive" as opposed to sociopaths who are "zero-empathy negative". There's a very clear difference.

I'm starting to understand more now. I was worried that I must be NT if I care this much about others and understand they're suffering, yet I still have loads of Aspie traits. I apologize if I offended anyone with the assumption that Aspies aren't supposed to be able to empathise. I wasn't sure and needed to understand whether or not these feelings I have could rule out me having Aspergers. Your replies have clarified a few things for me, thank you.

I've been told that I show little emotional reaction to people's problems. Also I don't automatically always see stuff from the view of the other person.

But that does not mean I don't care. I hate it when people are having problems and I wish good toward people. I guess it is a difference of expression.

I have too much empathy. I actually wish I had less.

I find that those with the ability to empathise the most seldom have the courage or know how to express it. Living in a western patriarchal society does little to help this.

I was going to tell you a true story about the time I nursed in my arms a dying Heron that I found in a field that has a permanent bog/pond in the middle of it. The Heron had been trampled by a horse that was put in a field by Humans (That is the only way it could have possibly have sustained the fatal injuries it had). I had strong emotional responses to the situation and both the Heron, horses in the field and the people who put them there. I want to expand on this sometime, maybe in a paper or maybe as part of a short book. But in short, my conclusion is I am disgusted in myself for having empathy for and loving nature with it's utterly abhorrent crewel and barbaric laws, whose futile challengers always embarrassingly fail. But I do love nature, I hope to find a way of escaping this absurd, hypocritical existential nightmare before my ultimate demise, I'd much rather write about how I did that instead of writing about otherwise well trodden ground.