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Cost of fitting in

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Ann2011
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15 May 2014, 7:33 pm

Waterfalls wrote:
Once you recognize self as dying or even dead from cost of fitting in, is it possible to survive the world's rage against difference by choosing not to, or is it too late?

It's not too late. you're still alive, it'll come back to you.



Waterfalls
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15 May 2014, 7:45 pm

Ann2011 wrote:
Waterfalls wrote:
Once you recognize self as dying or even dead from cost of fitting in, is it possible to survive the world's rage against difference by choosing not to, or is it too late?

It's not too late. you're still alive, it'll come back to you.

I appreciate everyone's responses and encouragement. It's very hard to find a reasonable path where I fit in enough but am still able to be me. I'm not sure it is possible.

But I do hope you are right😞



Waterfalls
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15 May 2014, 7:45 pm

Ann2011 wrote:
Waterfalls wrote:
Once you recognize self as dying or even dead from cost of fitting in, is it possible to survive the world's rage against difference by choosing not to, or is it too late?

It's not too late. you're still alive, it'll come back to you.

I appreciate everyone's responses and encouragement. It's very hard to find a reasonable path where I fit in enough but am still able to be me. I'm not sure it is possible.

But I do hope you are right😞



Uncanny_Valerie
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15 May 2014, 8:07 pm

Waterfalls wrote:
I have learned that to make others comfortable, and to survive in a neurotypical world, it seems to be important to minimize my intensity, to generally act calm, and to be supportive toward other people.

What is the experience other people have of the cost of learning to give people what they ask for along these lines?


I automatically numb out emotionally as a defense mechanism instead of losing my temper or bursting into tears. Some people don't like that and have accused me of not caring, but I think they would like the alternative even less. After years of getting negative feedback for being emotional, the numbing out has become involuntary.



Dreycrux
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15 May 2014, 8:52 pm

I figure just do what you want, stay true to yourself without external influences or suggestions. eventually you will learn.

Self help books are dumb.


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Mugen
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15 May 2014, 10:30 pm

Uncanny_Valerie wrote:
I automatically numb out emotionally[...]

Does it go beyond an emotional level at all? Like feeling distant from the situation, like the situation is surreal? Or feeling distant from yourself?

This reminds me a lot of my previous depersonalisation / derealisation which for me I think was a coping mechanism I learned during an especially traumatic period in my childhood and my mind kind of never un-learned it.

Could be entirely off base here, but I notice it in a lot of people on these forums.



dianthus
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15 May 2014, 11:18 pm

Waterfalls wrote:
I have learned that to make others comfortable, and to survive in a neurotypical world, it seems to be important to minimize my intensity, to generally act calm, and to be supportive toward other people.

What is the experience other people have of the cost of learning to give people what they ask for along these lines?


The cost is that other people don't know who I really am, and that makes me very lonely. It's not that I am acting like someone I'm not, or being fake in any way, I just have the volume turned way down on myself. I do it partly to accommodate other people, but it's also just plain exhausting for me to operate at full intensity.



ASPartOfMe
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16 May 2014, 5:15 am

Suspected Autistic Burnout and Dissociative disorder


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CJH123
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16 May 2014, 5:48 am

dianthus wrote:
Waterfalls wrote:
I have learned that to make others comfortable, and to survive in a neurotypical world, it seems to be important to minimize my intensity, to generally act calm, and to be supportive toward other people.

What is the experience other people have of the cost of learning to give people what they ask for along these lines?


The cost is that other people don't know who I really am, and that makes me very lonely. It's not that I am acting like someone I'm not, or being fake in any way, I just have the volume turned way down on myself. I do it partly to accommodate other people, but it's also just plain exhausting for me to operate at full intensity.


I also feel this way.